Lack of sleep and an unexpected saviour
by I Dream In Color
Summary: For the outside world, Clary and Jace seem perfectly normal teenagers. Little does anyone know what really plays after the façades they have build around themselves over the years... When Clary and Jace meet, they feel immediately drawn to each other, but they're obstructed by the secrets of themselves and the other. Can they open up to each other or will the secrets be their doom?
1. A nightly conversation

Clary wandered through the dark hallways of the old house while she was listening to the peaceful silence. The last nights, she had serious problems with getting some rest… It took hours before she finally fell asleep, and if she did she was haunted by horrendous nightmares. The lack of sleep had only made her more and more tensed which made it even harder to get some rest and she started to believe that she would never sleep again. She let herself slide down against a wall, while she sighted deep. She felt like she was going crazy and she seriously needed something to calm her down. She looked through the window across the corridor, hoping that the sight of the stars would calm her down like they usually did. But even those shimmering celestial bodies couldn't make her relax. She closed her eyes and pounded a few times lightly against the wall with her head, as if she could end the whirlwind of thoughts in her head like that.

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><p>Suddenly she heard a soft crack and she quickly opened her eyes. A bit disoriented she looked around her. As her vision focused and the blur faded, she saw the source of her interruption. Relieved, she blew out the breath she had been holding unconsciously. She looked at the guy who was walking in her direction. He held a glass of water in his hand and sauntered calmly trough the hallway but she could see that his memories were somewhere far away. The dim light of the stars lighted the hallways slightly and gave his golden curls an almost silver shine. She love the way he looked so… carelessly. It made him look younger and more … human, not as unattainable as he was most of the times. He was pretty close to her now and she quickly pulled back her legs, scared that he wouldn't notice them and would stumble on them.<p>

Somehow this soft sound made him awake from his deep thoughts and he let out a little shout when he saw her sitting on the ground so close to him. He recovered quickly of the surprise and looked clearly irritated. "Goddamnit Clary! What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night? I nearly had a heart attack!" He shouted after which he looked at his t-shirt with a cantankerous look. He had spilled a big amount of his glass over his grey t-shirt which stuck wet against his body. "I'm… I'm so… so sorry" I stuttered. "I di …. I didn't mean to…" my voice faltered and the end of my sentence was more a whispering against myself than a real answer. Something I did must have drawn his attention, because for the first time this evening he stared right into my eyes. And I don't know what exactly he saw right there, but it softened his look and he kneeled down right in front of me. "Clary? What's wrong? Did something happen to you?" He seemed worried and … protective and his eyes, those beautiful golden eyes that were staring so intensely at me, where full of emotions I couldn't read. Only then I sensed that my eyes were full of tears and that I was about to start crying. I took a deep breath and pushed away my feelings as I stood up. "I'm ok", I said silently after I had turned away my gaze, afraid that I was going to tell him everything when I kept looking into those gorgeous, honest eyes of him.

I didn't want to bother him with my problems, so I tried to step around him, but he took my arm and turned me around so I needed to face him again. "I don't believe you" he said, still worried. "Look me in the eyes, and tell me you're fine. Only then I'll believe you Clary." he said, and I looked him in the eyes. "I… I'm …" I looked away and sighted while I looked at my feet. "I knew it… Clary, you can tell me everything, you know that right?" he said, his voice full of emotion. I wasn't able to respond properly, too shocked by his sudden involvement. He always seemed so unattached and uninterested when he talked to me . All of a sudden he pulled me closer and before I had fully realized it, he was hugging me gently. At first I froze, unused to this kind of physical contact between us, but quickly I melted away in his arms, calmed down by his steady heartbeat.

After a minute or so I broke the silence: "Euhm Jace, I euhm, I don't want to spoil the moment or so, but your t-shirt is really wet you know…" I mentioned while I looked meaningfully at my own shirt that was now wet too. While I said it, I got taken aback by the slight joy in my voice. I couldn't believe that I only needed one hug of him to help me calm down?! His influence on me was just so massive and I didn't want to admit it to myself. He laughed huskily while he let me go and I shivered, not knowing whether it was the cold that hung in the hallways or what just happened that caused it. "You're cold", he stated while grappling my hand, and I could hear a sliver of concern in his voice. "Come on, redhead, I know a place where you will warm up quickly", he said while he dragged me through the corridors. "Where are you taking me?" I asked curious, but with a slight giggle I couldn't suppress. The only response I got was a cheeky and waggishly grin that made my knees tremble.


	2. Fire and heat

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters of this story, only the plot!**

We softly ran through the corridors in a comfortable silence, trying not to wake someone else. I had no idea where we were going because my orientation system, generally already horrendous, clearly had no night mode. After a few minute Jace lowered his tempo a bit, only to stop abruptly on the corner of the hallway. Of course Clumsy Clary hadn't foreseen this, so I reacted too late, causing my body to bump into his. "Whoa, Clary. Calm down!" He said with a smile. "I know my body is unspeakably sexy, but that doesn't mean you may constantly touch it."He grinned and I couldn't help but blush while I took a step backwards. All the time his hand hadn't let go of mine, but now he loosened his grip, though a bit reluctantly. "That was not my intention! I just…" I made a weak attempt to defend myself but he interrupted me by laying his hands on my eyes as he went to stand behind me. "I was just joking Clary…" he said laughingly after which he came closer to me. I could feel his warm breath against my neck and his chest against my back as he leaned forward and brought his mouth near my left ear. He whispered cheeky: "you may touch my body whenever you want…" I couldn't suppress the shiver that went down my spine as a reaction on those words. I hated my body for betraying my feelings so explicitly and somehow I knew he had seen my reaction, even though the place was only badly illuminated. This made me feel even more embarrassed than I already was…

I tried to distract myself from the fact that he stood still very close to me by asking him why he was covering my eyes. "I want to surprise you", he said honestly, and I nodded my head to shake of all the emotions that popped my head because of those words. "Well than you can better finally show me your "big surprise" before I die of curiosity!" I said playfully. "That would be a shame indeed!" he grinned. "Come on" he said as he leaded my body around the corner to stop a few meters further. "Ready?" he asked, his hands still on my face. "Yes! Stop with your time stretching! You are killing me!" I said teasingly, though not able to hide a sliver of nervousness. "I would never do that!" he said fake insulted while he took his hand of my face. I gasped when I saw where he had leaded me to and I turned around searching his eyes with mine. Our eyes hooked into each other and I saw the determined though somewhat uncertain look in his eyes. "Are you sure?" I asked softly, while I searched for confirmation on his face. He nodded while he took my left hand, his other hand resting on the door hand. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life" he stated soulful as he swung down the door handle and opened the door.

_In the five weeks I had spended in the house of the Lightwoods, Jace's room had been… off-limits. On my first day, Izzy had taken on the task to guide me around the house. Firstly, she had shown me the most commonly used rooms, such as de library, the kitchen, the dining room and so on… But afterwards she had turned to the floor where the bedrooms were situated. Before we went to the room that would be mine, she showed where I could find her room and Alec's, in case I needed something. After that little interruption, she headed for my new room, super enthusiast to show it because she had decorated the room herself. As expected, the room was perfect. One wall was painted in a beautiful bright red and the other ones had a deep chocolate-brown shade that perfectly matched the dark wooden floor. The furniture was white and elegant, and a beautiful, graceful manufactured canopy bed dominated the room. It was beautiful and breathtaking, but I wasn't really paying attention. And naturally Izzy noticed it…_

_She assured me that we could always redecorate it if I didn't like it, and on that moment I captured a sparkle of the insecurity she always tried to hide from the outside world. I reassured her that it was magnificent and that I totally loved it -which I did! - but I couldn't help but notice that she hadn't mentioned where Jace's room was. As a reaction on my question, Izzy sighted while she plumped onto the bed. I still remember the exact words she said… "I knew you would notice" she had said with a sad smile, "you're a clever one…" I had been sitting next to her and now she laid her hands on my knee. "I didn't show you his room because it is… unlikely you will ever enter it Clary. Jace is… he…" She had searched for words… "Let us say that it is quite an understatement that his privacy is very important to him. It took us years before he allowed us to enter his room. Even now, Alec and I have only been there for a few times… I give you one advice Clary, as a friend. Never enter Jace's room without his permission… Never ever! Promise me!" I nodded confused and promised I wouldn't. Somehow this made my interest in Jace only grow… I mean, he was so intriguing and inscrutable! It felt like he was some sort of puzzle that needed to be solved. And as the weeks proceeded, I noticed that the urge to be the person who did that, grew stronger and stronger…_

The first thing I saw after Jace had opened the door to his room, was a burning fireplace on the right side of the room. It sent an inviting warmth of, and suddenly it struck me that I was really cold. However, I resisted the urge to run towards the burning flames to heat my body, because I didn't wanted to be pushy or rude to Jace. He probably had noticed my inner doubt, because he let my hand go and pushed me gently inside the room, his hand now lightly rested on my lower back… I heard him close the door silently behind my back as I headed to the fireplace. I felt the heat percolating my body and I felt my limbs relax a bit as the warmth loosened up my muscles. I turned around and looked at the room, my back turned to the fire. The only light came from the flames behind me, because Jace hadn't turned on the light, so I couldn't discern a lot, but I still tried to absorb everything. Close to my right there was a bay window, but he had closed the curtains so I couldn't see what kind of view the window offered. The same thick, heavy-looking curtains of the other window in the right wall were closed too, but due to the size of the room it didn't make the room oppressive. On the contrary! It gave the room a warm and cozy sphere, something I missed a bit in a lot of the other rooms of the house which had a more modern, sleek design. My eyes wandered further trough the bedroom… a writing desk that stood against the left wall with in addition a huge bookcase that bulged with books, another door in the same wall as the one where I had come through and… a huge bed, situated against the wall right in front of me. And with huge, I mean literally gigantic! It occupied a big part of the room yet it fitted perfectly into the style of the room. The sheets of the bed were impeccably, like no one had ever slept in it before and I couldn't help but come closer and touch the beautiful woodcarving on the side of the bed. "Really Clary?" said an amused voice from behind me. "Immediately heading to the bed? I never thought you where that kind of girl!" Jace said teasingly. "Not that I mind though" he winked. I turned around, slightly startled. I had forgotten Jace completely, entirely preoccupied by the fact that I could finally discover something personal about him.

On first sight, it looked like he was just casually leaning against the door, but I could see how tensed his body was underneath. The muscles on his arms were strained and he breathed faster than he normally did. I knew this had to be difficult for him, and even though I didn't knew why this was such a big deal for him, I was so… proud of him. At least he tried to resolve his problem, and didn't deny it all the time… I shook my head lightly to shake of the thoughts that crept into my mind. This was nor the time, nor the place to think about those things… I stepped closer to him, not sure whether or not he wanted it. I looked into his eyes and it felt like I could look down into the very depths of his soul. And I saw exactly those things that I felt deep inside, but that I had tried to deny to myself: loneliness, doubts and a strong desire to be held by someone who just said it would all be ok, even if it wouldn't…

Before I let myself the chance to think about it –because I knew that I would make up thousand excuses to hold back- I quickly stepped up to him and hugged him for the second time this night. I could tell that he hadn't expected that action because he inhaled surprised before he putted his arms around me. My head leaned against his chest and my arms, wrapped around his back, pulled him close to me. His muscular arms did the same with my body and I could hear how he breathed out slowly. "Thank you" I said soft, "Thank you for showing me this." He laid his head on mine and I felt the vibrations of his voice trough his chest as he spoke. "No Clar, thank you. For everything" he said while he rubbed my back slowly. "I haven't done anything" I mumbled against his chest, taken aback by the gratitude that laid in his voice. He laughed warmly: "Is it so hard for you to just accept it and say "You're welcome"?" I smiled… "You're welcome" I whispered. He just hugged me a little more tightly and I closed my eyes. The sound of his beating heart in combination with his delicious scent that was so 100% Jace, made me relax entirely for the first time in a really long time…

**Let me know what you think of the story please! I would be a huge help, because I'm not sure whether or not it is going in the good direction :s :( xxx N.**


	3. Shopping as a medicine

Slowly I woke up, awakened by clear sunlight that shone on my face. I must have forgotten to close the curtains, I thought to myself, while the drowsiness slowly left my brains. However I refused to open my eyes to confirm my assumption. The sunrays were caressing my eyelids and I just wanted to imprint the feeling of the heat that gently touched my shoulders and my face. I buried myself in the amazing red golden shine that reached my eyes trough my eyelids and just enjoyed the moment. It felt ages ago that I had been so… rested, and I wanted to hold the feeling as long as I could. I smiled as I thought about the reason of my proper rest: my golden boy...

_After a long time, Jace had ended our cuddle with a deep sigh. "We should get some rest, shouldn't we?" he had said with a regretful smile. "Jeah, we should" I had answered unwillingly. I took a step back. "So, uhm I'll see you tomorrow, right?" I added while I headed for the door. I wanted to hide my fear so I just tried to act as normal as possible as I turned around. I was terribly afraid that the tension would slowly creep back into my body as soon as I had left him, but I didn't want to bother him with my problems. "Hey, not so fast Red" he had said with a smile while grabbing two pulls out of his walk-in closet. He had thrown the grey one at me and had put on the red one himself before heading to the door. All the time I hadn't moved a finger, confused about the situation. "Where are you going Jace?" I had said puzzled. His grin became even bigger while he said: "I'm going to walk you to your room, little idiot!" I melted but didn't wanted to show it. "Jace, you don't have to escort me!" It's really sweet, but I'm old enough to…" "I know" he had interrupted me while he grabbed my hand and walked out of his room, "but just let me do this for you, will you?" He looked half serious, half amused at me."Fine!" I said, as if I made a huge sacrifice for him. Little did he know that he had just saved me from my monsters that were lurking from the dark. He sent me his dazzling smile and I looked away, afraid that I would lose my senses if I kept looking in those gorgeous eyes. I remembered that I still had his hoodie in my hands, and I put in on gratefully because it had only become colder in the hallways of the house. When we arrived at my door, he had given me a short hug after I had returned his pull."Night, Red" he had said as he wandered off, the hoodie laid over his shoulder. "Goodnight Jace" I whispered back, but I knew he was already too far to hear me…_

All of a sudden my stomach rumbled loudly, demanding me to go downstairs and grab some food. I threw the sheets of myself and stood up while I glanced at my clock radio. Half past ten?! Wow, so weird, I had been asleep for more than 8 hours?! No wonder that I felt so rested! The last nights I had never slept more than 5 hours or so… I started humming a tune while I grabbed my favorite jeans and a black top with a brown-white crocheted sweater on top of it. I combed my hair swiftly with my right hand while I brushed my teeth with my other hand, before I headed downstairs. Since I had woken up, I had thought of nothing else but Jace… I didn't knew what last night would have changed, but I knew I was both eager and nervous to find out. I entered the kitchen and was greeted by Alec who stared still half asleep to his slice of bread. I was used to him being quite shy and introvert, but this was... a different sort of silence. One I recognized only too well from back home... I focused back on Alec, putting my other thoughts aside. "Looks like someone had a rough night", I brought out, and I even managed to sound amused. He looked up and I saw a sliver of shame in his deep blue eyes. "You have no idea" he said regretfully before he stared back to his food. I understood that he didn't wanted to talk about it, so I silently took some cornflakes. I wondered what had happened with Alec… He always stated that he didn't liked going out, and now he was sitting here with a serious hangover… Even though I felt sorry for him, I couldn't help but smile a bit as I tried to imagine Alec drunk…

I had just taken a seat when Jace walked into the kitchen. He didn't say anything while he walked at the fridge and looked into it. I couldn't help but stare at him: his hair was mixed-up, as if he had just come out of his bed –a very likely possibility- and his black shirt accentuated his muscled torso strongly. God, there had to be at least one time that he didn't look like a freaking model?! He took some yoghurt and a spoon and walked out of the kitchen, without looking at me once. I was astonished and perplexed: Crap! What did thát mean?! I had assumed that last night would have changed things, but I had thought that things would get better, not worse?! I could only conclude one thing: he clearly regretted that he had opened up to me this night... I sighted deep and stirred slowly through my corn flakes: my appetite was completely gone.

"Clary!" someone shouted excited from behind my back before I got into a short hug. I caught a glimpse of raven black hair and I smiled as I turned around. "Hey Izzy" I smiled, happy to think about something else than Jace. She wore a tight black jeans and a black and white t-shirt with a black leather jacket and some lipstick-red high heels. She looked so much like she was a famous actress on the cover of some fancy magazine that it was just not fair. Maybe the Lightwoods could start a modeling agency starring their three incredibly attractive children? Success guaranteed... "So, are you ready?!" she asked enthusiast, but I had no idea where she was talking about… She saw the look on my face and sighted: "You forgot it, didn't you?" she said slightly disappointed. "You had promised that we would go shopping, right?" "Oh crap!" I shouted. "I had totally forgotten it Iz! I'm so sorry! I'll be ready in five and then you can drag me to every shop you know! Ok?" I asked a bit insecure. She smiled as she nodded towards me: "You're lucky I'm in a forgiving mood, you little lunatic!"

I gave her a big hug before I raced upstairs. Izzy had become a really good friend in the past few weeks and I had been afraid that she would be really upset about this… We had arranged this day weeks ago: in a few days school would start, and it was a yearly tradition for Isabelle to go and find "the perfect outfit to start a perfect year". Furthermore, I had once mentioned that I really needed to buy some new clothes, after which she had appointed herself as my personal fashion-assistant. I grabbed my phone, my wallet and a little brown purse before I headed back to Izzy who was teasing her brother Alec with his hangover. "Don't torture him like this Isabelle!" I laughed, slightly out of breath of all the running. She opened her mouth to say something but I pushed her friendly out of the kitchen. "Come on", I teased her, "or all the beautiful clothes will be gone!" We both laughed as we headed to the front door. "Have a great day, my sunshine!" Izzy shouted extremely loud towards the open door of the kitchen and we heard Alec curse loudly, which made us laugh even harder. I shut the door behind me while Isabelle was already walking to the car. I strongly hoped that this day would distract me a bit, because the thoughts about Jace that were whirling around in my head, made me go insane. I heard Izzy honking impatiently so I turned around and jumped into the dark blue BMW. We left with screeching tires and Izzy turned on the radio. I leaned against the leather seat, surrounded by loud drums and one of my best friends, determined to have a great day without worries.

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><p>I dropped all the clothing bags in front of my walk-in closet before I hobbled tired to my bed. I let myself fall down on my bed and sighted. It had been a great day with Izzy and I had been able to forget him for a moment, but I was also completely jaded. I had lost count on how many shops I had entered: Izzy seemed indefatigable when it came to shopping so it was already past 7 when we returned home. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and let my painful feet rest a bit, but after that I stood up again. I've always hated it when there was clutter in my room, so I started to put away my new, amazing clothes in my walk-in closet. You could say a lot of Isabelle, but she sure as hell had a great taste in clothes and I was happy that she had been with me to give me advice about some purchases.<p>

I heard a knock on the door and assumed that it was Izzy who had forgotten something. In the beginning, she always just rushed into my room without giving a sign, but she had learnt her lessons… Once I had been naked because I had just been taking a shower and I hadn't been very … happy about her entering my room, so since then she always knocked politely. "Come in Izzy!" I said with a smile while I hung a dress on a clothes hanger. I looked up and was about to say something about her forgetfulness, when I suddenly I forgot everything around myself: the person that came into my room was not the one I had expected, and I completely froze as Jace walked into my room...

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><p><strong>Hey guys! I really want to write further but I'm doubting… should I take a Jace-POV or should it be all Clary's POV? In my opinion both have pro's and con's so I wanted to think which option you preferred! :) And what would you think if I let Jace be the one with drawing skills and I made Clary the musician? I think it would show their story in another angle than the usual :) <strong>

**Please review and tell me what you think about it, it would be a massive help and then I will do my best to upload another chapter soon! :) xxx N.**


	4. Of beds and post-its

He walked in confidently, as if this was his own bedroom, and not mine… A sarcastic voice in my head stated that this room was more his property as mine, since I only live here temporarily, but I refused to listen. I had grown attached to it, to my bedroom. It was my safe-house in case of breakdowns and freak outs, and I didn't liked it that he made me feel uncomfortable in here. "May I…?" he asked decent while he nodded to my bed. I nodded back. "Jeah, sure." I mumbled while I tried to get rid of my nerves. It was ridiculous! I shouldn't be nervous, I didn't do anything wrong! I sighted internally, not wanting to show him how he affected me so much.

"Nice dress" he said with a relaxed smile. I looked confused at my jeans and raised my eyebrows, not knowing where he was talking about. Only then I noticed the clothes hanger I had been holding firmly. "Ow… jeah… Sure." I muttered sarcastic. "Clary?" he asked, and he waited until I looked into his eyes. "I'm serious, you know. I like it." He smiled cheeky. "Why don't you try it on? Bet you look really sexy in it." He winked and I shook my head in disbelief: did he only come here to fool around? I turned around firmly and hang the dress in my closet. "I guess that means no?" he laughed, after which he let himself fall back onto the bed. He was stretched out and looked completely at ease. I couldn't help but notice that I could see a glimpse of his boxer short and his flat, muscular abdomen, and a cold shiver ran down my spine and continued to whirl around in my stomach. "Why don't you sit down by me?" he asked with a glare in his eyes. "You know, I don't think that is a good idea" I replied honestly as I sat down on my desk chair. "Why not?" he asked while he sat up straight again. He had pulled up his legs and his arms were loosely around them. He stared at me with an intense look in his eyes. I opened my mouth to say something, but then I heard anther knock on my door. We both looked surprised at it; as if the sound had made us escape from the bubble we always seemed to be in when we were together.

"Clary? Can I come in?" I heard Izzy ask favorable. I looked at Jace in panic… "May she know you're here?" I asked him in a whisper. "Euhm… No better not... She would…" He shook his head slowly. "Then hide!" I urged him. "Hide in the bathroom or so!" "No not in the bathroom! Izzy spends way too much time in bathrooms!" "Clary? Are you there? Can I come in?" Izzy asked again and I looked at Jace. "Just a second Iz!" I yelled back at her. I turned back to Jace. "Then there is no other possibility" I whispered, and I couldn't help but grin as I proceeded: "You will need to hide under my bed!" He looked at me, his eyes wide open. He opened his mouth to protest but as he saw my look he shut his mouth and started to crawl under the bed. I stepped to the door and took a deep breath.

"Cla…" Izzy had just started again, before I interrupted her by opening the door. "Yes Izzy? Is there a fire somewhere?" I asked laughingly as she entered. "No fire, just me!" she said while walking into my room. "But if I may say, equally hot, you know!" she laughed as she let herself fall down on my bed, right on the spot where Jace had laid a few seconds ago. "Well, I must say girl, it took ages for you to open that door! What where you doing in here?" she asked curious. "Oh I was just … in the bathroom… I uhm I tried on that dress another time." I invented quickly. "Oh Clary! Still doubting?! You shouldn't be so insecure, girl. I promise you that you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress! No guy will be able to resist you when you're wearing it!" I was relieved that she believed my little lie, but I blushed as I thought of Jace who was laying under my bed and hearing all this stuff. "Thanks Iz… I will keep in mind" I smiled. She stood up and gave me a hug.

"But honestly, why did you need me so urgently?" I asked to deviate from the subject. "I mean, you don't try to ram my door for fun, do you? I asked fake angry. "Well…" she started enthusiast as she started walking around the room and sway with her arms. "A business partner of my mum is organizing an exclusive party and mum and dad just got an invitation! Cool, huh!" she said enthusiastically."Well, that's… nice for them?" I said hesitantly, not knowing why Izzy was so excited that her parents went to some party… "That's not all you little idiot! Mum said that he had said that she could take her children to the party too! Awesome isn't it? WE ARE GOING TO THE PARTY OF MAGNUS BANE, ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL MEN OF BROOKLYN!" Izzy was now dancing through the room and I just stared at her. How could she be so incredibly happy about some stupid party? I tried to be as enthusiast as I could: "Well, that's great Izzy! I mean I'm sure you will have a great time! Don't break too many hearts will you?" I smiled as she looked innocent at me. "I would never do that!" she said, but she smiled suggestive. Then she looked serious again: "You said 'you will have a great time'…" "Jeah, indeed" I said, "because Magnus Bane invited the family Lightwood… Not … me" I said as I looked away. "Clar…" Izzy started, but she was interrupted by Maryse who shouted "Dinner is ready!" I thanked God silently for this interruption. Izzy sighted and yelled back "Were coming!" before she turned again to me. "I don't care if you want it or not, but I'll take you to that party! If necessary, I'll drag you there myself!" she said steadfastly before she went to the door. "And now, off we go" she urged me. "I heard that mum was going to make spaghetti..." she clarified, "and if we don't hurry, Jace will eat all of it on his own! You know how crazy he is about it…". She started to step away, assuming I would follow her. "Oh, I'm pretty sure he will not do that…" I said silently after I had thrown a last look at my bed. I closed the door and smiled as I followed Izzy through the corridors.

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><p>As we entered the kitchen, Alec and Maryse already sat around the table. Izzy and I quickly sat down too and I heard my stomach rumble as I smelled the delicious sent of Maryses famous spaghetti. Robert Lightwood, Maryses husband, had called that he would work late so the only one who was still absent was Jace. We had already started eating as Jace walked in a few minutes later, and I tried to concentrate at my dinner. Jace sat across me and I didn't want to look at him, afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold my laughter when I thought again about what had happened. Alec and Izzy were talking about a teacher of school who had been fired for some reason, but I wasn't really paying attention to their conversation. I couldn't help but glare at Jace when he wasn't looking, and I had the feeling he was doing the same when I was looking away… After a while, our gazes finally met, and I was captivated by the naughty sparkle in his eyes. We both smiled and tried not to laugh as we were both thinking of what had happened before. The tension between us filled my stomach with crazy tingles and suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore, at least not for food... After what seemed to be hours, we might finally leave the table. Alec and Jace were going to game on Alec's room and Izzy had planned to go out with some friends, so I decided to go to my room and read a book or so. Izzy had asked if I didn't wanted to go with her, but I knew it had been long ago that she had seen her friends, and I didn't wanted to bother them…<p>

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><p>At my room I walked to my walk-in closet to take a fresh pajama. That was when I noticed the post-it that was pasted on my red dress. It said:<p>

_Really looking forward at seeing you in this dress sometime… _

_Jace_

Below it, he had written a phone number, his phone number I assumed. A huge mile was plastered at my face now as I walked to my desk chair and sat down. I knew I shouldn't be so happy about it… After all it was just a stupid note, he probably didn't meant anything with it… But I didn't care... I wasn't planning on ruining the moment for myself. I stored the number in my phone and almost threw the post-it in the paper bin, but then I changed my mind. I walked at my bed and laid the post-it in my nightstand. Izzy was right: I would go to that party, whether I was invited or not. And I knew exactly which dress I was going to wear…


	5. Music as a binder

**So, the song I mention in this chapter is "Do I Wanna Know?" by Arctic Monkeys (no rights intended). I hope you take the time to listen to it while you read it, because I think it really gives that little extra to it ;) And besides that, it is just an amazing number! :DThis chapter is by the way a Jace POV because I wanted to show what he is thinking and feeling etc…**

I checked my cell phone for the hundredth time and sighed as I looked at the screen: no message. I threw my phone on my bed and dropped onto the floor. I leant with my back against the backside of my bed and closed my eyes. It had been almost 19 hours since I had stuck the post-it on her dress, and she still hadn't sent a text. I shook my head, irritated by myself. How could she influence me so bad? I mean, I had never been so completely… taken by a girl. It felt like I was obsessed with her! Normally I was the guy who received phone numbers, I never gave one! Until now… I laughed without happiness: finally I understood how all of those girls I had never texted back must have felt… I can be such an insensitive douche bag sometimes… Maybe that's why she isn't texting? Jeah… that must be it: she knows she deserves better than me, better than some incredible asshole that can't even handle his own problems. No, she doesn't need someone who gets her in even more trouble… she needs someone who can help her solve hers. Because if there was one thing I knew for sure about her, than it was that she was struggling with something herself. I recognized it in her eyes, in her voice, in her behavior on the moments when she thought no one was paying attention to her. Little did she know that I was always paying attention to her: I seem to be unable to hold my eyes off her… Her flaming red hear, her small elegant posture, her emerald-green eyes… She had enchanted me from the first time I had seen her…

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><p><em>The doorbell rang and mum hurried to the front door. I heard her welcome the girl who would be staying with us from now on. Even before I had seen her, I already hated her a little. In theory, the Lightwoods were my adoptive parents, but I had lived with them for such a long time, that I had regarded them as my own parents. They had never given me the feeling that they loved Izzy or Alec more than me, and I loved them with all my heart. They had saved me and I would never be able to repay my depth to them. And I knew that Maryse and Robert just wanted to save this girl too, but I was afraid that they would be so occupied by her that they would… forget me. I know, that may sound stupid, but a heart never thinks rational right? I knew I was jealous of her, even though I would never admit that to anybody. I heard Izzy ran down the hallways and greet the girl enthusiast. I think Izzy was relieved that she would finally have a girl to share her passion for clothes with... I almost felt sorry for that girl: Izzy was unstoppable when it came about fashion and make-up… I heard another pair of footsteps head down the stairs, this time leisurely and softly: Alec. I hoisted myself up reluctantly; knowing that Maryse would be mad if I didn't welcomed the girl properly. <em>

_Every time I had thought about this girl, I had always imagined her ugly and dorky, but I knew that was just a reflection of my feelings towards her. Well, I can honestly admit I couldn't have been more wrong. As I walked into the hall and checked her out, it felt like someone gave me_ _a punch in the stomach. I was completely mesmerized by that girl that stood there a bit lost, surrounded by suitcases and people she had never seen before."Jace, this is Clary. Clary, meet Jace, the greatest slut in history and unfortunately my brother." Izzy said angry. Hmmm, it was pretty clear that she had still not forgiven me the fact that I had slept with a friend of her, or maybe I needed to say: another friend… "Izzy!" Maryse said shocked. Clary grinned softly and I completely loved that sound. "Nice to meet you, Jace" she tried to say serious, but I could hear a sliver of amusement in it. "You too…" I managed to say before Izzy cut me off. "Well, now we have all acquainted cozily, I will give you a turn around the house!" after which she took Clary's hand and headed off, dragging Clary along. "Seems like Izzy found a new friend" Alec said with a smile before he went to his room again. Maryse and Robert went to the living room, while Robert said something about how "she seemed a very pleasant addition to the family" while Maryse nodded affirmative. And me, I just stood there, completely overwhelmed and mixed up by this mysterious red-headed beauty._

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><p>I shook my head with a smile as I relived the memory. At first, I kept saying to myself that there could be a slight chance that maybe she had a really annoying character, but again I was completely wrong. I got to know her, and her character was even more beautiful than the outside. I mean, not that she doesn't has bad sides… Hell no: she is stubborn, she doesn't accept help and she always drives me to the limit, but that's just how she is… And I got to admit that these things make me go even crazier about her…<p>

All of a sudden I stood up. I grabbed my phone and I left my room. I tried to think as little as possible, because I knew I would stop myself if I thought about this properly… I hold still as I stood before her room and took a deep breath before I knocked on the door. Nothing happened, so I knocked once again, but again the door stayed closed. That was when I heard it: a soft voice that was… singing. That must be Clary, I thought surprised. She had never said that she could sing like that! Not that I had asked it, but still… I opened the door silently, not able to stop my curiosity even though I knew that I shouldn't be doing this. She sat in front of her bureau, her back turned to me, with a white headphone placed on her wild curls. She was working on her computer while she sang a beautiful song I had never heard before. I leant against the door I had shut quietly, while I listened to the lyrics she sang.

_Are there some aces up your sleeve?_

_Have you no idea that you're in deep?_

_I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week_

_How many secrets can you keep?_

_Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow_

_And I play it on repeat_

_Until I fall asleep_

_Spilling drinks on my settee_

_Do I wanna know?_

_If this feeling flows both ways_

_Sad to see you go_

_Was sorta hoping that you'd stay_

_Baby we both know_

_That the nights were mainly made_

_For saying things that you can't say tomorrow day…_

While she was singing she took off the jacket she had been wearing and turned around while she threw it onto her bed. Only then she noticed me and she let out a scream of surprise. "Jace! What the hell are you doing here?!" she shouted startled while she took off her headphones. "I nearly died!" she added, her eyes wide of surprise. I looked contritely at her. I knew I didn't have any good reason to be here, and she had every reason to be mad at me. "I'm… I'm so sorry Clary! But… It's just… I heard you sing and I just… I wasn't thinking… I…" She sighted subdued. "It's fine Jace, I was just took by surprise." She paused but then she added severe: "But just… just don't enter my room again without my permission, ok?" I nodded serious. By the Angel, I never let anyone else into my room and then I just enter hers? I'm such an idiot.

She made a head movement towards the bed. "Now you're here, have a seat" she smiled, and I knew she had forgiven me. I breathed out, relieved, and let myself fall onto the bed. "So… how long exactly have you been standing here?" she asked nervously. "Long enough to hear that you are an amazing singer" I replied, and she looked away, slightly blushing. "You're exaggerating, like always…" she mumbled. I shook my head slightly, not able to understand why she never wanted to accept a compliment. "What were you singing?" I asked curious. "I didn't recognize the song." She doubted a moment before she took her headphones and her computer and sat next to him on the bed. "Arctic Monkeys" she said as she handed over her headphones. I put them on my head while she started the song. I closed my eyes and focused on the music. The song was… incredible. _I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week. How many secrets can you keep?_ The lyrics fitted my situation so perfectly that I felt the shivers ran down my spine._ Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways? _ I opened my eyes and stared right into her infinite green eyes. _That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day…_ I thought about that night that I had showed her my room and I cleared my throat while I took off the headphones, not sure that I could trust my voice.

"This song is…" I couldn't find a word to describe it. "Magical" she said soft after which she smiled shyly. I nodded, suddenly very aware of the very few space between us. I leant a bit away, though reluctantly, afraid that I would not be able to control myself if I stayed so close. She bit on her lip and it made me go completely insane. "So uhm, you listen to music a lot?" I asked, trying to distract myself from those delicious lips. I could hit myself as I heard myself speaking: what a stupid question was that?! Where were my witty remarks when I needed them most? "Probably shattered around the floor, together with your brains" a voice in my head said, and sadly I couldn't disagree. "Jeah I do." She said. "I don't know what I would do without it. It helps me get through every…" She tried to find the right word. "…situation." She finished. Now she blushed even more and it was just so incredibly cute… "Would you… "I hesitated but I found the courage to continue when I looked into her eyes. "Would you wanna show me some of your favorites?" I asked. A smile lighted up her face, first a bit hesitantly but then in its full glory. "I'd love to." she said while she put the headphones carefully on my head again. She started another song and gave me a big smile. I couldn't help as my lips curled into a huge grin and for a moment, everything was perfect.

**Please let me know what you think about it! Should I continue, change it, …? I'm always open for improvement ;) xxx N.**


	6. Pain and hope

**Sooooo, a knew chapter folks! Hope you like it! :)**

Since Jace had left, I had been restless: I needed to do something so I turned on my computer. I decided to make a list of songs that I thought he would like and after I had finished it, I copied them to a USB stick. Jace had been here for more than two hours. And even though we had only been listening to music and talking about random stuff, it had been one of the most perfect moments of my life. At first I had been doubtful about letting him hear my music. Music is so… personal, and I wasn't sure if I could have handled it if he had demolished my taste… As I thought about Jace, a warm feeling started to glow and swirl around in my body. He had been so gentle and open, and I couldn't help but adore that side of him. If we were surrounded by others, he always reacted cold and arrogantly, but if we were alone… On those moments he made me go all fluffy and cheesy inside and I was completely unarmed to the natural charm that surrounded him. I was so glad I had shared my music with him, because it felt as if we had really connected right then. He had liked a lot of the songs I had played for him and if he didn't like them, he had said it so friendly and respectful that it hadn't been awkward at all. I shivered as I thought of the short moments were our bodies had touched accidentally. Electricity had raced through my veins and it had been really hard to concentrate on anything else than his body that was so close to me...

I laid the USB stick on my nightstand and I walked to my window. As I climbed on the wide windowsill I calmed down automatically. It was my favorite place to sit when I needed to think: I could see the entire garden of the house and in the distance I could see some streets of Brooklyn. I loved to observe the strangers that walked up there and dream up a background story for them. That always helped if I wanted to forget my own troubles for a short while… Because if I was honest to myself, that was exactly what Jace was: trouble. He was getting way too close to me and I was scared that I would blab out something by accident. I knew I had to push him away, but I had no idea how I could do that. Whenever he was near me, I just… I wanted him to stay forever. Because when we were together, it just felt… right. As if it was the exact place I was meant to be.

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><p>I looked mindless out of the window when I saw some movement from the corner of my eye. I focused on the person that left the house. Jace… His golden curls gleamed in the sun setting as he walked to the soccer goal on the left side of the garden. He started to shoot at the goal, not aware that I was looking. I didn't mind at all, because that meant I could audaciously stare at him. He wore a grey shirt and a black soccer short that gave me a good view on his strong legs. My look went upwards and followed the supple movements of the tightened muscles of his arms and I sighted loud: he was way out of my league… I knew I had to move away from the window and just … get on with my life. Get some distance of everything that had to do with Jace and just move on. At least that was what by brains said. The rest of my body was too confiscated by that delicious golden creature outside to listen to those stupid rational killjoys.<p>

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><p>After a while, he looked up as if he had felt that someone was watching me. I pulled back so quickly that I lost my balance, and I tumbled of the windowsill. I cursed loudly as my elbow hit my nightstand and my ankle twisted painfully. An explosion of pain struck me by lightning. A painful, tingling sting raged through my forearm, and I bit on my lip to prevent myself from crying. I tried to stand up, but a dull pounding in my right ankle warned that had been a very bad idea. The pain faded lightly and my thoughts became clearer. I examined the damage. All in all, it could have been worse. My elbow would be decorated by a large bruise, and my ankle would be sore for a few days, but at least there was no blood… "If you don't leant too much on your ankle the next days, you will be perfectly fine." I tried to calm down myself. Only then, I thought of the reason of my tumble -my own clumsiness disregarded- and my cheeks turned red. I desperately hoped that he hadn't seen me, because I had no idea, how I needed to justify my staring without admitting that I had been kind of a stalker… I leant against my bed and rested my head on my folded knees. "You idiot!" I whispered to myself. "Why do always need to destroy everything for God sake?!" A tear rolled over my cheek as memories flood back unannounced. I curled myself into fetal position on the floor and broke down, letting go of all the devastating emotions that were bashing inside of me.<p>

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><p>I had no idea how long I had lain there, but apparently I had fallen asleep after a while, because when I woke up with a start from my nightmare, I saw that dusk began to fall. I stood up difficultly, my entire body aching from my "nap" on the hard wooden floor. I remembered what had happened and I checked my ankle. He was slightly doughy and I cringed a bit when I leant on it. My elbow had already started to turn blue so I put on a sweater that hid the painful bruise. I looked at my phone: 6.24 pm it said, so I decided to go downstairs. We normally ate around half past 6 and I did't want to be in my room right now. I looked into the mirror on the back of my door and I sighed. I looked like… well I looked like some lunatic who had slept on the floor... I did my hair in a taut tail and walked out, watching out to lean as little as possible on my right foot. The pain was bearable, which lifted up my spirit a little. At least I would be able to hide my stupidity from the others... When I came downstairs, I helped Maryse a bit in the kitchen with the dinner. She had made scampi's with French fries and even though I wasn't hungry at all, I tried to be enthusiast. I send a text to the others that dinner was ready and soon the kitchen was filled with chatter and laughter. The entire meal, I avoided eye contact with Jace and after the meal I asked Izzy quickly if she wanted to watch a movie with me. She agreed happily and before we left, I allowed myself to take one look at Jace. His face didn't show any emotion at all; apparently he hadn't even noticed that I ignored him… I knew I should have been happy, it was better for both of us if he didn't cared too much for me, but I couldn't help but feel a little hurt inside as I turned away from Jace and followed Izzy to the living room.<p>

Izzy had chosen "The lucky one", a romantic movie which starred Zac Efron in the leading role of a handsome marine. I tried to focus on the movie and not to think about Jace, and it worked out pretty well until there came some kissing scenes and my thoughts drift off… "How would it be to…?" I wondered silently, but I cut off the thoughts quickly. I knew I needed to stop thinking about things like that, because it would only drive me crazier. I sped off to the kitchen and took some comfort food, which helped me to get through the most romantic parts of the movie.

As the credits were playing, Izzy turned to me and asked "So what dress are you going to wear for Magnus' party next Saturday?" It hadn't been the first thing she had said that evening, but on the other hand we weren't exactly having a real conversation either, so I was a bit surprised by her question. I thought for a moment about it. I had wanted to go to impress Jace, but that was no longer… an option. But if Jace wasn't interested in me, than at least I could have some fun with someone else, right?! I wouldn't back down for a boy! "The red one" I answered determined. "I knew it!" She stated exited while she gave me a huge hug. "I knew it! You don't seem the girl to miss a great party! And some great boys of course!" She winked at me, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Keep the entire Saturday free, will you!" she said, and I looked surprised at her. "The entire day?!" I wondered out loud. "Of course!" She said, almost indignant. And after that, she started to sum up all the things we needed to do before we would be ready for the party. For a moment I thought she was just teasing me, but she was dead serious. That will be a long day, I pondered to myself. But weirdly enough, I didn't feel reluctant at all. Izzy's enthusiasm was apparently some contaminating disease, but I didn't mind at all: some distraction was exactly what I needed right now…

**Please like, review, favorite and all that stuff if you like the story! :) It means a lot you know! Suggestions/Improvements are always welcome too! xxx N.**


	7. Surprises at night

**Sooo another chapter :) Hope you like it guys!**

I threw the sheets of my body and stepped out of my bed, too restless to lay still. I walked to one of my windows and leant against it with my forehead. My gaze turned to the sky, hoping to find some rest in the calming view of the stars. The light pollution of the city made it difficult to see them, but on an ordinary night, I could at least see a few of them. Tonight, I only saw a dark emptiness, outstretched above the city as if the stars were playing hide and seek with the numerous clouds. I turned away from the window and leant against it with my back. A church bell ushered in the distance: one o'clock at night and I was still wide awake… "You shouldn't have slept this afternoon!" I grumbled against myself while my gaze slid around the room for what must have been the umpteenth time that night. And for the umpteenth time that night, it stopped by the USB stick on my nightstand. I had the feeling that that stupid little thing was mocking me, it seemed to scream "What were you thinking you pathetic idiot!" and irritated I grabbed it and flung it in one of my desk drawers before I rushed to my bathroom. Everything in my room reminded me of my time with Jace today, which made me go nearly insane so I just needed to get out for a few hours. Furthermore I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep the following hours, still fully awake because of my nap earlier on the day, so I decided a walk would be a great idea. Hopefully the physical activity would tire me enough, so I could catch at least a few hours of sleep later on the night. I put on a blue pair of shorts and a grey shirt, knowing that the heat of the day would still hung in the air and grabbed my white strappy sandals before opening my door silently. As I stepped into the corridors, I listened for a few seconds, but it sounded like everyone was sound asleep and with a sigh of relief I headed downstairs. I sat down on the bottom of the stairs and put on my shoes before I unlocked the front door. I was about to slip away when a hand from behind me pushed against the door. The door closed with a click and a familiar voice whispered in my ear, causing my body to shiver slightly. "Hey, you weren't planning on sneaking out without me, were you, Red?"

I gasped as I turned around and looked right into the golden eyes that were so familiar to me. "Jace!" I whispered-said. He had been closer that I thought, and I took a step away from him. "Stop giving me heart attacks, you idiot!" I said, but he just laughed his warm, deep laugh I was so fond of and I couldn't help but laugh lightly along with him. "So where are you going, you little rebel?" he asked, a grin still plastered on his face. "Just… out." I answered honestly. I had no idea where I was going, but I just wanted to get out of this house for a few hours. "Don't make a move." He commanded me as he ran away. I hadn't even got time to answer something and surprised I waited until he came back. "You listened…?" He said, and I could hear astonishment and relief in his voice. "I did." I replied, and my voice sounded equally surprised. I took a second look on him and saw he had changed his pajamas for a blue jeans with a white shirt. A jacket lay loosely over his arm as he walked up to me. I closed my eyes, aware of every inch of his body. Only then I heard the sound of the door that opened behind my back, and I looked shamefacedly away. God, he had only wanted to open the door, and I had thought that he… that he wanted to… I turned around and got out of the house as fast as I could without running, hoping that he hadn't noticed my stupidity. "Hey Clary! Wait!" he shouted at me and I turned around. "What, Jace?!" I asked, and it came out angrier that I had intended, even though the anger was not directed to him this time. However, he just ignored my irritation. "I'm going with you, you know." he said amused. "It has always been a dream of me to go 'just... out'." He added grinning. I sighed deeply. "Fine!" I agreed, knowing that there was no way to make him change my mind: I was not the only stubborn one in this family. "Don't act like you don't like it." He said, clearly pleased with his own actions. "Every girl, secretly or openly, is dying to take a romantic walk in the moonlight with Jace Lightwood." "Well lucky for me, it's cloudy" I retaliated, before I turned around and headed to the streets of Brooklyn.

Jace POV

I had no idea how she did it… She always managed to catch me by surprise with her witty comments. For the first time in my life, I had found a girl who noticed the real me, and not just my "cocky-bastard-shield". She listened at what I said and was not just interested in my body. Not that I had really cared before, but now I knew how it felt… I loved it how she had her own opinion about everything, how she always argued with me and how she put me on my place when I was arrogant or selfish. I started to run towards her. I had finally found a girl where I wanted to fight for, and I would not let her go. "Hey Clary! Wait!" I screamed. "What?" She said as she turned around. "Already missing me? Or just afraid of the dark?" She grinned. I couldn't help but smirk at her. "Always" I retaliated. "What, the former or the latter? Or both?" I smiled as I said: "Who knows…" and she smiled back, which made the butterflies in my belly make triple somersaults. It seemed like her mood had improved a lot now she had the chance to make fun of me. I still had no idea why she had been ignoring me at dinner, but I wasn't going to ask it either. After all, women would always be mysterious creatures... But she was with me now, and she seemed happy, and I wasn't going to ruin the moment. "Where are you going?" I asked curious. She sighted. "No idea" she admitted dazedly as she stood still. I saw a glimpse of something running through her eyes. It seemed like… despair. And I didn't like it at all… I wanted her to smile again, even more: I wanted to be the person who made her smile. "Come on" I said as I grabbed her hand. "What are you doing Jace?" She asked while she tried to pull back her hand. "Trust me" I said, not letting go of her hand. I saw how she doubted for a while, as if she was fighting an inner ficht. "Fine, why not" she gave in. "But you can let go of my hand now you know, I'm not going to run away or so…" "I can never be too careful" I winked as I strengthen my grip a little. Her hand fitted perfectly in mine and I was not planning on letting it go soon.

Clary POV

I felt how I started to blush as he took my hand and I cursed myself in silence for it. Hopefully, he hadn't noticed it, because that would result in an endless stream of jokes about how amazingly handsome he was. And the most irritating was that I couldn't deny it: he was indeed extremely sexy… I looked around as he leaded me through the streets of the city. I loved how the streets where almost empty, though not deserted enough to be eerie or scaring. The soft sound of life that buzzed around the city, together with the soft gleam of the streetlights that burnt holes in the blackness of the night, gave the scenery a fairylike sphere. I looked at Jace, who smiled back as he noticed my gaze. A glimmering appeared in his eyes and I looked away, afraid that I would start blushing again. "You're cold!" he said slightly accusatory. "You should have told it!" He added as he started to take off his leather jacket. "Jace! I'm fine! You don't need to…" He interrupted me. "Of course I need to! Can't let a poor, helpless little girl freeze do death, can I?" he grinned as he gave me the black jacket. "I'm not helpless or little!" I said indignant, though I did thankfully put on the leather coat: It had been colder than I had expected and the heat of Jace's body still hang in the garment. "You're a drama queen, you know?" I retorted and he laughed warmly. "Oh trust me, I know". I loved how I was encircled by Jace's delicious body odor: a manly deodorant combined with vanilla and… sunlight. That may sound crazy, but if sunlight had a smell, it would be like that: delicious, warm, happy and… safe.

I was completely at easy as we walked around in a comfortable silence. I always had been fascinated by the night. I wasn't scared of the dark; it had always been some sort of mysterious secret I wanted to unravel. Even now, when my nights where often dominated by nightmares and lack of sleep, they still amazed me. At night, everything changed, everything appeared different, like you entered another world … The bustle of the city was replaced by a calmer, quieter version and perfectly normal things turned into unknown riddles. Even the people changed: Jace, for example. By daylight he was mostly untouchable and arrogant, like he didn't care about me at all, but at night… then he showed pieces of the real Jace and that one was caring and kind and seemed to understand even the things I didn't say at loud.

"We're here" he stated as he leaded me to the entrance of some sort of diner, hidden in the middle of a row of old, neglected and abandoned townhouses. An old, wooden board above the doorway mentioned that the place was called "The Old Duck". I looked questioning at him but he just smiled and opened the door for me. "Don't judge a book by his cover, Shorty!" He whispered in my ear. "Seriously, Shorty?!" I threw back, but I forgot everything as soon as I entered The Old Duck. At the outside, it seemed like an old decrepit diner, but on the inside it was just… marvelous. And certainly not a tavern… not at all! It was a good old fashion twenties pub that threw you entirely back in time!

The interior was dominated by a long dark wooden bar where a mid-aged man served drinks to the few visitors. He was surrounded by hundreds of different bottles of whisky, scotch and other sorts of alcohol of which I did not even know the name… The place still breathed the glitter and glamour of the days of yesteryear: a lot of gold, polished wood and chandeliers made the place decadent, but in a right way. Decadent as in making you feel like a celebrity, without losing coziness and authenticity. "Wow…" I said silently, more against myself then to Jace. "I know, right?!" He agreed. "Come on!" he said as he carried me to the bar. "Let's take a drink, I promise you that Mister Haunt makes the best cocktails ever!" The guy behind the bar, Mister Haunt I assumed, greeted Jace familial. "The usual?" he asked with a low, rough voice. Apparently Jace was a regular costumer in here… Jace nodded. "And for the lady?" he asked as he turned to me. "I uhmmm… I don't know, I euhm…" I wasn't exactly a specialist in cocktails and I had no idea what I needed to answer. "No panic, young lady, I know exactly what you want!" he said with his calm, friendly voice. "You do?" I asked surprised. He just laughed a blustering laugh before he turned around and grabbed some bottles. He started to make our drinks with routined hand movements. "He knows?" I asked Jace. "Trust him" he nodded. "He knows."

**So, I know there wasn't a lot of action in this chapter and I'm not sure if you will like it or not... :( At least, I hope you did! Please follow, favorite, comment and so on... It gives me inspiration and motivation to continue the story :) BTW: Thanks to everyone who already followed/favorited/reviewed the story, it means the world to me, honestly! xxx N.**


	8. Alcohol and hormones

**I don't own anything! Even though I wish I owned Jace :d**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

He took my hand and leaded me to a table in the corner of the pub. I couldn't help but throw a suspicious look at the man behind the bar as I stepped away, which resulted in a soft chuckle of Jace. I just ignored his laughter and sat down on one of the chairs, after which he took the seat at my left. A touch of smoke and alcohol surrounded the furniture and characterized the place in a way that no words could ever do. It marked the place as an invisible fingerprint that had accidentally lasted there for years, and it made me wonder about the people who had sat here before me… I imagined an elegant, young woman and an equally classy man in the twenties, conversing while they were smoking cigarettes and drinking cocktails. Don't get me wrong, I'm strongly opposed to smoking these days, but in that era, it just seemed… suitable. My thoughts were drifting, but were cut of abruptly as Mr. Haunt brought us our drinks.

"An Idris Caipirinha for mister Lightwood, and an Alicante Daiquiri for the lady." He said with a smile as he handed us our drinks. I tried to look confidently as I took a nip of my sunset red drink, trying to avoid the expectant looks that both Jace and Mr. Haunt were throwing at me. My eyes widened as an explosion of taste bombarded my taste buds. I had never tasted anything like this before… Imagine how a beautiful summer sunset, watched from the top of a hill would taste and multiply that awesomeness with five: that was how this drink tasted. "So?" Jace asked, unable to hide his curiosity. "Divine…" I brought out with a smile. "I have no idea how you knew it sir, but this was exactly what I needed." I said to Mr. Haunt. He laughed a warm laugh. "Anytime sweetie" he answered, his voice filled with a sort of understanding I couldn't place. "And you can call me Luke" he added, before he went back to his bar. "Oh, that's not fair!" Jace said. "He never even said his first name to me! And you just pass by once, and you're already best mates!" I laughed as I heard his outrage and laughed as I faced him. All of a sudden, the light mood changed as I looked into his eyes. "Thank you for bringing me here." I said, without releasing his gaze. "I know I'm not always pleasant company, and I'm sure I'm not always easy to handle, but I'm really grateful that you didn't give up on me. I don't know if I would do that if I was in your place." I took as sip of my Alicante Daiquiri and looked away, ashamed of my sudden outburst. "Hey." He said as he lifted up my chin. "I would never give up on you, even if you wanted me to. That's what friends do, don't they?" he said with a careful smile. "Are we? … Friends, I mean. Are we… friends?" I asked, unable to extinguish the spark of hope that had started to burn inside me. If we were friends, I could at least be with him, even if it wasn't in the way I really wanted to…

Jace's POV

"Are we? Friends, I mean. Are we… friends?" she asked, her emerald-green eyes peering in mine. Inside my head a storm of emotions whirled around and cold shivers ran down my spines. Man, I wanted a hell lot more than just being friends with her: I needed to control every muscle in my body or I would just bend over and kiss her with all the passion I had inside of me… But I knew that if I did it, I would just scare her away, and that was the last thing I wanted to happen right now. "Jeah." I said. "I think we are, or at least we can try to be…" I looked down at my drink. "At least I wanna try..." I added, so soft that she might not even have heard it. If I couldn't be her lover, than at least I would be the best freaking friend she could ever have! "I wanna try too." She replied quietly, and my heart skipped a beat. "You do?" I asked hopefully after which she nodded seriously." I do" She said shyly. A smile started to spread across my face as I raised my glass. "Then let's toast!" I said cheerful. She lifted her drink up with a smile. "To friends!" She added as we clinked our glasses against each other. "To bést friends" I corrected her. She just rolled her eyes and said "Drama queen!" before we both brought the glasses to our mouths. And we both smiled as the divine liquor caressed our throats.

Clary's POV

2 hours –and a lot more cocktails- later we left the Old Duck, while Mr. Haunt locked the door behind us. We had been his last costumers, and we had decided to leave because we didn't want do bother him. As we walked through the streets Jace laid his arm around my shoulders. I looked up and opened my mouth to protest, but he interrupted me before I could. "Don't ruin the moment Clary." He said with a smile. I thought for a while about that, and I knew he was right, even though I hated to admit that… Friends could do that right? It didn't mean anything… Right? I didn't know if this was a side effect of the alcohol or I just couldn't resist in anymore, but I laid my arm around his waist and shove a bit closer to his body. He just smiled and seemed pretty complacent with the situation. As we were talking about all kinds of things, he took his phone and checked the time. "Quarter to four." He said as he turned to face me. "You're killing my night rest, you know? He said teasingly. "Oh I do?" I said as I came closer to his face. "Yes you do…" he said, his face now only centimeters away. "Well than go to your bed, honey!" I said teasingly as I grabbed his phone and ran away. "In the meantime, I will throw a party with some of you friends, isn't that a good idea, my dear?! I shouted over my shoulder as I streak off. "Come back, you little rat!" he shouted laughingly as he started to run. I looked into his contacts as I raced to a playground to my left. "Maybe with Aline? Or with Kaelie? Or maybe Elisabeth wants to party with me?" I shouted back. I heard his footsteps approach and a few moments later two strong arms surrounded my waist and pulled me back, making us fall onto the grass. At this moment, we were both roaring with laughter and tears of joy were running down my cheeks. "Come on. Give it back!" he said, trying to sound angry but failing miserably. I knew he wasn't mad at all, so I just shook my head. "No way" I answered boldly. "Ok, now you just asked for it!" he threatened while a cheeky smile came across his face. And with that, he started to tickle me. "No!" I shouted out before I burst out in laughter. "No, stop, I surrender!" I brought out dramatically as I threw my hands into the air. He laughed as he took back the cell phone I hold in my hand. "Did you really think you could win?!" He said arrogantly. I gave him a light thumb with my shoulder. "No need to be so cocky, Blondie!" "What? Blondie?! It seems like you are not yet tickled enough!" he said as he started to tickle me again. We struggled playful: as I tried to get out of his grip, he tried to tickle me to dead and somehow we ended up entirely tangled. I lay on top of him and tried to get of him (even the alcohol in my body couldn't deny that this position was not friend-like) but he just strengthened his grip around my waist. I raised my eyebrows in a silent question. He just shrugged his shoulders. "So, how's your day going?" He asked. I couldn't help but laugh: "You're up for some small talk right now?" I asked surprised. " 'Right now' as in 'at this moment' or as in 'in this position'?" He asked cheekily and I shook my head. "Inveterate!" I brought out, though I couldn't hide the blush that spread across my cheeks. I really needed to cool things off, because it felt like every time I looked into his eyes, more and more common sense just disappeared out my body. And his warm hands on my waist weren't really improving the situation… And so I did the first thing that popped into my mind: I pushed my ice-cold fingers against his neck and he shouted out surprised. For a few seconds he loosened his grip on my waist, taken aback by my action. This gave me just enough time to roll of his body and get out of his reach. "What was that for?" he said, his eyes still a bit wider than normal. "Someone needed to be cooled down…" I just explained with a smile, without specifying to which of us I was referring. "You're insane!" he said playful as he stood up and swept off the grass that stuck to his jeans. "Tell me something I don't know!" I replied as we headed to the streets. My heart was still beating way too hard, and I tried to think about anything else than Jace in an attempt to stop the hormones that were running through my body.

After my sprint, my ankle had started to pound again… Seems like that wasn't such a great idea after all… Luckily the alcohol in my body subdued the pain enough so I could still walk without limping too much. All of a sudden, a panic crept into my body: my bruise! How could I be so stupid?! Only then I remembered that I was wearing his jacket. I let out a sigh of relief. With a bit of luck, he hadn't noticed anything… I thought about the night: no, he had never mentioned or referred to anything that was connected to my bruise, so he probably hadn't seen it… I knew Jace well enough to know that he would certainly have asked about it… As we were walking in silence, I was thinking up a way to give Jace his jacket back, without showing him my bruise. Unfortunately, it seemed that I was not exactly good in being subtle, so as we arrived at the house I still hadn't figured out what to do. I stood a few steps lower as Jace as he was opening the front door and decided that I would just return his jacket later on the day. I was looking at the sky, pretty satisfied with my decision as Jace turned around and scraped his throat. "Uhm, Clary, I think I got some bad news…" he stated. "I turned back to him: "What's wrong Jace?" I asked with a smile, assuming that he was just making a joke. "No, I'm serious Clar." he said. "I think we have locked ourselves out: I can't open the door…"

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><p><strong>So, I tried to have some more action in this chapter, let me know wheter or not I succeeded ;) I don't realy geta lot reactions to my chapters, so I'm doubting what I should do... I mean, if no one really likes my story, maybe I should just stop it? Or change it? or... pfff I don't know what I should do... :( x N.<strong>


	9. Walls to conquer

**Hey guys! I know it has taken a while for me to update this chapter, but I was ill and I wasn't exactly able to produce anything decent :(**

**I really hope you like this chapter... I tried to make it a bit longer, to make up for the late update... :) Besides that: a loving shout out to everyone who reviewed my story, liked or even favorited it - YOU ARE AMAZING and I love you all ;p**

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><p>I looked at his face in silence as the meaning of his words dawned on me. And then, I started laughing… I started laughing like a lunatic, so hard that the tears appeared into the corner of my eyes and I could hardly breathe. Ok, maybe the alcohol hadn't left my body entirely yet, but the situation was just so… ironic. At first, I had been so eager to leave this house for a while, and now that I wanted to enter it again, it seemed like the house just said: "Hell no, bitch!"Nevertheless, the funniest thing was Jace's reaction to my behaviour... He looked thunderstruck at me as if I had just grown another head: his eyes were spread in astonishment and his mouth was slightly opened. It made me think of a fish somehow: wonderful, golden and sexy, but still… a fish. This thought was so hilarious that it made me laugh even harder and I saw how a grin appeared on Jace's face as well. Only a few seconds later, he burst out in laughing too and we just stood there as lunatics and laughed because of our own stupidity. Mental note to myself: never drink more than two Alicante Daiquiri's in the future, you just can't handle the alcohol Clary…<p>

I took us some time to cease our moment of insanity, but after a while, we finally calmed down. "You need to call Izzy." I said, a chuckle still audible in my voice. "No way" he answered determined and I rolled my eyes. "Look, I would call myself, but I forgot my phone in my room. Don't be stubborn or childish and just call your sister or Alex." I said. Not that I was looking forward to explain them everything, hell no, but it seemed that we had no other options.

"No, Clary… I can't call them… I'm sorry, but they may not know about all of this." he said, suddenly serious. It seemed that he was more used to the alcohol than I was… "They cannot know anything about us…" he added sadly as he took a step closer to me. It took me a moment to realize what he was saying. "But how can we be friends if no one may know?" I asked, afraid that everything he had said about us being friends had just been a sick joke. "Or were you just joking about that?!"I asked now a bit firmer. "No! No, Clar, that's not what I mean! I …." He rubbed his hair in despair as he was searching for the right words. "I just mean they can't know anything about this night or the night that I showed you my room… They just wouldn't understand it." I shook my head in confusion as I tried to process everything he was saying. "They wouldn't understand what, Jace?" I asked, confused by the emotions that had resounded in his voice. "They wouldn't understand that it's sometimes easier to talk with you than with them, even though I only know you for a few weeks and I have know them for what feels like forever." he gave out, his voice soft though clear and honest. His words caused a heat in my body to spread through my veins and I felt my cheeks turn red. "We're the same, Clary. We both have problems that have changed our life, I know that, I feel it, even though you don't tell me how or why. Somehow we are incredibly alike, and that feels weird and scary, but at the same time incredibly welcome and reassuring." He paused for a moment. "And now I'm talking way too much, as always when I'm with you." he ended his little outburst with a regretful smile. I saw his chest heave heavily as if he had just ran a marathon. He breathed louder than normal as his eyes searched for mine: they searched for confirmation, for recognition.

And I knew that it was written all over my face, because he had exactly expressed all the thoughts that had been whirling around inside of me, and I knew I couldn't hide it any longer. It had been there all the time, but it had taken me some time to see it… Or maybe I didn't want to see it: it was easier to just ignore it, in that way I didn't need to think about the consequences either… But right now, I couldn't deny it any longer to myself; I had fought against it for too long… There was something between us, something beyond our control that had bound us immediately, from the first moment we had seen each other, and I had no idea what to do about it…

"Ok." I said. "We won't call them… We will find another way to get in…" He smiled relieved and took a step closer to me. "Thanks Red." He said, before he pulled me into a hug. My body stiffened a second before I loosened up: as pieces of a puzzle, our bodies completely complemented each other, as if they were made for each other. For a few seconds I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the moment: friends could do this, right?

After a while I tried to push him away, but he didn't let go of me. He only loosened his grip a bit so he could look as my face as he asked what was wrong. "We need to find a way in Jace!" I said. He just laughed. "Nah, we don't." He said with a cheeky smile. "I quite like our current position, so I don't see the problem." "Jace…" I tried to object but he just pulled me closer to his body. "And I know you do too…" he whispered in my ear. His hot breath against my neck made me dizzy, and startled I took a step back causing our body contact to break. "Don't do that Jace!" I said irascible as I headed to the garden, away from him. "You need to stop all of this Clary! Before this gets out of hand!" I mumbled to myself. "You know it's already too late for that," a voice in my head said, "you're already too much involved…"Oh how I hated that voice! Sure, there was something between me and Jace, but I was nothing more than friendship... Besides, I would not tolerate that is would evolve further than that! Way too dangerous, for both of us...

Jace's POV

I stood there perplexed, my arms still lifted in the air. A few seconds ago I had been hugging the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and now I was hugging thin air like I was some crazy lunatic. Clearly, I had gone too far, pushed her limits too far... again... And I was taken aback by her rejection… again… It's funny how, until a few weeks ago, no one had ever rejected me before. And she, she did it like a hundred times a day, and it still surprised me every time again. I wanted to know why she always rebuffed anything that came close to her, and I knew that I would endure the humiliation of her rejections every time again, until she decided to let me in. I was not a choice I had made knowingly; it was a need that was stronger than everything else: I needed her. I needed her more than a flower needs the sun to grow, more than the threes that need the water to live… I needed her like a drug: my own, personal Clary-shots that helped me get through the days… And that dependency scared me to death …

I made my way to the back of the house and soon I saw her, standing against one of the threes. She seemed caught up in her own thoughts, but as I came closer, she looked up and stared into my eyes. "I have no idea how we can enter Jace, it's impossible! Every door is locked and all the windows are shut…" she said, acting like the former had not happened. I followed her regard that had returned to the house. My eyes slid over the building as well, but they stopped as they met a pair of open windows. "Not all of them are closed" I said as I turned to face her. "Yours are open…" "She sighted. "I know, Einstein, I had noticed that myself, but that the second floor you idiot." "So?" I retaliated. "Afraid miss Fray?" Her face tightened. "Not at all." She answered arrogantly as she stepped to the house. I shook my head as I followed her: I knew she never declined a challenge.

She held halt a few meters before the stone wall and looked up, probably scanning the wall for footholds. She mumbled something, but I couldn't understand it. "Already doubting, miss Fray?" I teased, knowing that I was pushing her to her limits again. I just couldn't help it… She snorted loudly: "Never, Lightwood. I'm not such a pussy as you are." After that she closed the space between her and the wall and started climbing. By the Angel, did I already mention how sexy she was if she was acting so self-confident and arrogant?!

Clary's POV

"Thank God I'm drunk." I mumbled to myself. "Already doubting, miss Fray?" Jace said, and I wondered if he had heard what I had said. I snorted loud and sarcastic. "Never, Lightwood. I'm not such a pussy as you are." I shot back, before I started climbing. In all fairness: I was freaking out, but of course I was too damn stubborn to show it. And if there was anything I was good at, then it was hiding my feelings...at least something of my former life, that was of use… "Come on, Fray, you can do this!" I thought to myself. Luckily, the house was built in a baroque style, so the embellishments made it easier to climb…. "It's just like at school, when you went wall climbing!" "Only the climbing holds are replaced by stone decorations… and well… you're not tied up here…" that familiar voice in my head remarked. A knot started to form inside my stomach, and I breathed a bit too fast. Besides that, the pain in my ankle had only been growing, and every time I leaned on it, a sharp sting passed through my leg. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea in the end... Suddenly a voice sounded from below. "If you fall, I will catch you, you know Red!" Jace shout-whispered. I smiled as I heard his voice: it calmed me down and encouraged me to go further."Huh!" I sniffed, ignoring the pain in my body. "You know, Blondie… I never fall." I said arrogantly after which I started to climb even faster. I did not need his help or his pity, I could do this on my own.

Jace's POV

"Huh!" She sniffed. "You know, Blondie… I never fall." She said, the irritation audible in her voice. I could not help but grin at her witty remark. She was unbelievable! Even if she was hanging on a wall between the first and the second floor without any form of safeguard and I was her only shot if she fell, she retaliated faster as lightning and sharper than a knife. As I saw that she had reached her windowsill, the thick knot in my stomach loosened slowly. I would never admit it, but frankly, I had been pretty worried as she was climbing. I know I had challenged her myself, but at that moment, I hadn't been thinking about the consequences. God, imagine that anything had happened?! I would have hated myself forever! I saw how she turned herself to sit down on the sill, her legs dangling in the empty sky and a self-satisfied smile plastered on her face. I started to climb myself. "Hey what are you doing?" She asked surprised. "Coming up myself, you little idiot!" I answered. "I could also open up the front door for you, you big idiot!" She replied sharply. "Yeah, but then you'll tease me for eternity about the fact that you climbed up that wall, and I didn't." "Hmmmm" she said slowly as if she was thinking about what I said. She started to laugh: "Yeah, you're pretty right…" "I'm always pretty!" I shot back. She rolled her eyes but she was still laughing, so I knew she wasn't really mad. As I had almost reached the windowsill myself, she turned around and entered her room. I pulled myself a little more up before I climbed upon the sill and followed her into the room.

"So, we do end up a lot in bedrooms, don't we?" I said with a grin as I looked at her silhouette in the oncoming light of dawn. She turned around and looked at me, and I noticed that she was slightly out of breath. I got to admit that I was secretly satisfied by the fact that she was, and I I wasn't: I wouldn't like it to be surpassed, certainly not by a girl… Certainly not by her… "Don't even insinuate anything, Jace. Not a chance." She replied fiery as she stepped to her door. "Challenge accepted" I thought, as I chased her quickly. Faster than lightning I grabbed her arm and I turned her around, pushing her against the wall. Our bodies were so close now that I could feel the heat that radiated of her body. The space between us was heavy and overwhelming, filled with expectation and desire. I bent over and brought my lips to her ear, feeling her shiver by my presence. "I don't believe you Clary" I said. "I don't believe that I don't make any chance with you." I had no idea what I was doing, but I had certainly not expected that her presence would act upon me as well: my knees were shaking, and I was breathing faster than normal. "It doesn't matter what you believe Jace," she said shakily, "you need to go. Now." She put her hands against my chest and tried to push me away, and I knew she was right. I did need to go before I lost my self-control and kissed those perfectly formed, blood-red lips of her… I couldn't help but bent over one last time and whisper "Sweet dreams Rebel…" before I walked to the door. I had almost closed the door behind me as I turned around. She hadn't moved a finger. "Oh and Red, don't forget it when you are dreaming about me: I like it rough…" I said with a wink before I closed the door. She had turned flaming red after my words, and as I was walking to my room, I couldn't help but think: "1-0 for Lightwood: beat that Fray!

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><p><strong>Tell me what you think about it! I love it when I get messages! :) xxx N.<strong>


	10. Texts and rage

**Still don't own mortal instruments :( Guess it's just not meant to be :p**

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><p>I could summarize my Sunday in 3 words: sleep, stress and evasion…<p>

After Jace had left, I expected that it would take me hours to fall asleep. My brains were overproducing the craziest thoughts and the hormones that were racing through my veins, weren't exactly helping either… Luckily I still had enough alcohol in my body to numb me enough to fall fast asleep. Only, I was still haunted by monsters of the past that turned my dreams into fearful nightmares, causing me to wake up with a start, breathing heavily and covered in sweat of fear.

I knew that a serious amount of sleep deprivation wasn't exactly the best way to start a new school year (I heard that zombie-style was só last year) so I decided to fill my entire Sunday with short naps, interrupted by little panic attacks when I started to think about the next day. I've never liked Mondays in general, but a Monday that included my first day of school in an entire knew place, well that Monday was just doomed…

Over the day, Izzy had made several attempts to spend some time with me, trying to calm me down, but at long last, I was able to convince her that I just needed some time for myself. She promised to make sure that no one would bother me, and I believe she took that task pretty seriously, since I didn't see anybody that day (dinner excluded ofcourse…). It hadn't been my intention, but a positive side effect of Izzy's steadfastness was that I didn't have to face Jace, even though he had tried to talk to me several times. The last time he had tried, I heard Izzy scream so loud against him that I even felt guilty for a moment… Cause, in fact he hadn't done anything wrong… He only confused me… In particular, everything that was going on between us confused me. Since I had met Jace, my life felt like a rollercoaster on the loose, and I needed to slam the brakes before I completely lost track. Just a moment to decide what I needed to do, that's all I needed. Yet I couldn't shake off my feelings of guilt about Jace, so after 10 minutes of doubt, I finally decided to send him an apology. Up till now, he had never treated me unfairly, so I thought that he deserved at least some explanation. I took my phone, and for the first time since he had given his number to me, I sent him a text.

_Sorry for my pit bull, she's pretty devoted to her task..._

_I just need some time to think… Don't take it personal_

_I hope you're not angry :/ See you later _

_C._

I pressed "send" and let myself fall onto my bed. I needed to stop thinking, because it felt like my brain was going to explode, so I took my headphone and pressed play. I put the volume so high that I couldn't even hear my own thoughts anymore, closed my eyes and let myself be carried away by the music that blasted into my ears.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I hit the punching bag, again and again and again. My body was covered in sweat, my knuckles were raw despite the protecting boxing gloves, and every inch of my body begged for rest. However, I wasn't planning to stop, pushing my body and my mind to the edge. The only thing that kept me going, was my rage. Towards Izzy, who refused to let me talk to Clary. Towards Clary, who refused to let me close to her. Towards my past, that refused to let me go. And towards my future, that refused to let me live. I struck the punching bag even harder, trying to block out every single thought. Only then, a loud buzz resounded in the room. Heavily breathing, I stopped the punching bag that was swinging back and forth and looked around, finding my phone on the couch. I untied my gloves and throw them on the floor as I looked at the screen. It seemed that I had received a text from an unknown number, but I didn't really paid attention to that fact. It wasn't the first time that some girl had obtained my number via some friends and wanted to catch my attention. I opened the message only loose interested in the content, until I caught the sender of the message: C.

_Sorry for my pit bull, she's pretty devoted to her task..._

_I just need some time to think… Don't take it personal_

_I hope you're not angry :/ See you later _

_C._

I read her text again and again, an idiotic smile plastered on my face: she sent me a text, so at least she wasn't planning on ignoring me forever… Right? "_Don't take it personal_". It seemed like she already knew me too well… I had immediately thought that this was all about me, that I had done or said something wrong and that she was upset about it, but maybe I just needed to put my ego aside for a moment. All of a sudden it struck me as lightning. "_I just need some time to think… _". Of course! I'm such an egocentric bastard! This was about her dad! He had died only six weeks ago, and even though she never talked about it, I knew that his death weighted on her shoulders. Sometimes I caught a flash of utter pain in her eyes, as if the emptiness was destroying her from within… But every time, she hid that look swift as an arrow after that wall of hers, so I was never sure that it wasn't just my imagination…

I tried to find something to answer to her text, but everything I came up with sounded lame and meaningless. By the angel, it seemed more like a problem of national interest than an answer to a friend! Finally, after more than fifteen minutes of doubting, I eventually found a somewhat fitting answer. I still wasn't sure about it, but I wasn't able to come up with anything better.

_Of course I'm not mad! I get it Clar, don't worry about it._

_Let me know if you wanna talk or need some distraction ;)_

_BTW do you think your pit bull would let me in if I gave her some fancy clothes?_

_J._

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I checked my phone almost every minute, waiting for Jace's answer. As the minutes passed by, my unrest continued growing. Maybe he was offended by my temporarily "rejection"? Or maybe he didn't even cared? Finally I received a text, and I took a deep breath and did another week attempt to convince myself that I did not care about his answer. Even though I knew that it was just a last effort to protect myself against the pain in case he didn't want to talk to me again.

_Of course I'm not mad! I get it Clar, don't worry about it._

_Let me know if you wanna talk or need some distraction ;)_

_BTW do you think your pit bull would let me in if I gave her some fancy clothes?_

_J._

I couldn't believe it! I had kind of treated him like dirt, and he was so … understanding! I silently laughed as I read his joke about Izzy and wondered if he would really try… It sure as hell would give a funny situation, and Izzy would be even angrier than before if he tried to bribe her with some clothes. "_Let me know if you wanna talk or need some distraction ;)". _I couldn't help but notice the double floor in his message… That was so typically Jace!

_Jace Lightwood! I had never expected you to be a briber! Shame on you! ;p_

_And thanks for the offer, but I think that mine and yours definition of "distraction" are somewhat different… _

_C. _

The response came quickly…

_Yeah, you're right, she will knuckle under faster if I kidnap one of her Louboutins… _

_Thanks for the idea Red!_

_And such a shame, you know… I'm pretty sure that you would like my definition…_

_You clearly have no idea what you're missing ;)_

_J._

Jace's POV

_You really should see a doctor Jace. _

_This obsession of yours is not healthy anymore … ;d_

_C._

"This can't be true!" I said to myself as I read the words again. How did she know? Was it so obvious that I was completely crazy about her? I mean, I thought that I had been subtle? I quickly sent a text back, nervous about her anwer…

_And what would be the source of my obsession, according to doctor Clary? _

_J._

The answer came swiftly, making me wonder or she awaited the next message with as much impatience as I did.

_I believe they call him "Blondie"… _

C.

I smiled relieved as I read it. She didn't presume anything… I quickly reread my messages and noticed that I might have deserved that not-so-subtle put-down about my ego. It was strange how she always triggered my jerk-side: she always made me so… nervous… that I couldn't help but make witty and egocentric comments if she talked to me.

_Oh, jeah, that one! I confess! He is indeed completely my type, I'm afraid I can't hide it any longer…_

_Funny, handsome, sporty, sexy… God, he is just delicious! ;)_

_J._

_Go to bed Blondie, you're talking nonsense…_

_C._

_Only if you keep my company! ;)_

_J._

_In your dreams!_

_C._

_Always Clary, always…_

_J._

_Ugh, you're such a pig!_

_C._

_Love you too, honey ;) Sweet dreams :)_

_J._

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><p><strong>I know this chapter was rather short and rather unexciting : But the next chapter will be about their first day of school so… excitement please! :D Hope you still like the story :) I would love it if you gave me your opinion about how you want the story to develop, inspiration is always welcome you know ;p Love you all! xxx N.**


	11. Glances

**So, another chapter for my dear readers ;) Thank you soooo much to everyone that took time to post a review: you have no idea how much it means to me! :D Love you all! The song I mention is Guesstimation by Jesse Ashfield :)**

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><p>An annoying buzz, produced by my phone, told me that it was time to get up. Grunting, I hit the snooze button and stole a few more minutes… After hitting the snooze button a fourth time, I decided they I really got to get up… It was my first day of school, and Izzy would probably kill me if I was late…<p>

I rolled slowly out of bed and landed on the cold hard floor. "Brrr…" I brought out as I grabbed the sheets that lay on my bed and wrapped it around myself before I headed to the bathroom to take a piping hot shower. I put on my music and sang along with Jesse Ashfield's song _Guesstimation_ that blared out of the speakers - I know: speakers in their bathrooms…? The Lightwoods just have too much money… - and after 25 minutes I finally found the willpower to exit the shower. I brushed my hair casually and headed to my walk-in closet. I knew that there was no human on earth that could tame this mess that was called my hair, so I didn't even try it anymore… I picked a jeans and a blue t-shirt and was searching my sneakers when I heard an impatient knock on the door. "Come in" I said as I looked suspiciously at the door that was opened by someone who had way too much energy for this time in the morning. "Clary!" Izzy said joyful as she came in. "Ready for…" she started, but she stopped halfway as she examined my outfit. "Clary!" she said again, this time shocked and disapproving. "I went shopping with you, so that you would look fabulous on your first day of school, and then you wear… this?!" She said as she rushed to my closet. While she was looking through my clothes, she mumbled something that sounded as: "God, if I don't do everything on my own…", but maybe I had just misheard it… She threw a red pair of trousers to me, accompanied with a white top with a little border of lace. "Put this on" she said as she raced back to her own room. I did what she had asked -or even better: what she had commanded- too perplexed by the situation to go against her. Only several minutes later, she was back, in her hands a black leather jacket she swiftly threw to me. I caught it in the nick of time and looked questioning at her. "Trust me" she said, "a first impression is really important, and yours will be fa-bu-lous." I put on the jacket, knowing that there was no other possibility if I wanted to exit the room. The jacket reached down to my waist, and to my biggest regret, I had to admit that I looked better than before she had entered my room. "Come on, you sluggish turtle, or we will be too late for school!" She said with a grin as she grabbed my hand. I just managed to grab my phone before she dragged me downstairs.

In the kitchen I noticed that someone, I assumed Maryse, had gone to the bakery, probably before she went to work: all sorts of breakfast pastries lay on the table, and my stomach rumbled loudly at the sight of all that delicious food. I was going to sit down as Izzy stopped me "No way turtle, we're already late, no bulky breakfast this time…" she said while she took a croissant. I looked disappointed at the table full of food. I loved food, and I hated it if I couldn't eat at ease… "Really?" I asked. She nodded as she took a bite of her croissant and walked to the door. "Come on, the boys are already waiting in the car." I sighted and was going to follow her when all of a sudden, I got an idea. "You can go ahead; I'll be there in a sec." I said as started to search in the kitchen cupboards. "Hmmm, you got that look again… you're up to something!" she said as she turned around. "But I'm just gonna act like I saw nothing, than I can't be an accomplice either…" she added as she walked away. I laughed as I finally found what I searched and quickly prepared everything, before I ran to the car.

"Hi guys" I said as I jumped into the car. I was way too satisfied by my plan to feel awkward around Jace because of yesterday, so I didn't even mind sitting next to him. "Hey Clary" Alec greeted while he started the engine and steered the car of the drive, destination Morgenstern High. "Morning Red" Jace said, with a smile that would have made my knees tremble if I had stood up straight. "Blondie" in nodded back with a slight smile, trying to act unaffected. Right then, Izzy drew my attention. "So what's your vicious plan, Miss Fray?" she asked from the passenger's seat, while she did her make-up. "Vicious plan?" Alec and Jace asked in unison. I laughed. "I promise: no vicious plan from my side! I would never do that!" I said as innocent as possible. But I couldn't help but grin as I opened the picnic basket I had grabbed in the kitchen. "I only thought: if Clary can't come to her breakfast, then the breakfast comes to her!" I said triumphant. "Bon appétit!" I cheered with a fake French accent as I took a bite of one of the many breakfast pastries I had taken from the kitchen. They all started laughing loudly. "What?" I asked indignant. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" Apparently, this was even funnier, because they laughed even harder. "So uhmmmm… Can I offer one of the lads some coffee?" I asked acting like a butler. "Or maybe a croissant for the woman?" "Stop Clary! Mercy!" Izzy screamed, tears of laughter running down her cheeks. "Excuse me Milady" I said as posh as possible. "It's butler James at your service!" At this point, we were all laughing loudly, and for a moment I just forgot my troubles and enjoyed the company of my new family.

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><p>I got out the car and looked around, trying to absorb my surroundings. Morgenstern High -by the others often called "The Dungeon" for some reason that was still unknown to me- was an ordinary school… One of which there were probably thousands more: build in different styles because of several extensions over the years, enough students to be taken seriously, but not enough to provide anonymity for those who are longing for it, and probably a living hell because of all the teenage hormones… "So what do you think? Good enough for Milady?" Jace said mockingly. "Yes Sir, I think this will do fine. I appreciate your concern though." He laughed his warm, deep, hoarse laugh that made me faint inside, but was interrupted by someone who called his name. "Got to go… duty calls!" he said with a cocky smile as he turned around and walked to a group of guys that sat on a picnic bench. I saw how several girls checked him out, following every movement with their eyes… And I couldn't give them wrong: he looked unfairly good in his tight black jeans and white shirt… I saw Alec heading to the same group as Jace and turned around to find Izzy leaning against the car and looking around. "Looking for someone?" I asked, both nervous and curious to meet Izzy's friends. "Nah, not really, just checking out if there were some new cute guys to date." I smiled. "And? Already found someone?" "Hmmm not yet… But I'm not a quitter right?" She laughed as she headed to the main entrance of the school. "Come on turtle, time to meet some friends!" she shouted over her shoulder. I saw some people turning their heads to look at us and my head turned read as a tomato. Quickly I followed Izzy, trying to ignore everyone who was staring at me.<p>

As I walked next to Izzy, I saw how people continued throwing glances at us. "Izzy, is there something weird at me?" I asked softly, almost whispering. "What? No of course not Clary, I dressed you remember? I never commit a fashion crime, or do you doubt my judgment?" She answered, almost offended that I doubted her taste in clothes. "Then why are they all staring at us like they want something of us?!" I returned the question. "Are they?" she asked as she looked around her. "Hmmm jeah they may be looking Clary, but they are just watching us, they are not starting a war with us or something!" I looked at her with my mouth wide open, cause all of a sudden I understood it… All the people staring at us as if they wanted something of us, Izzy who didn't even noticed it … They didn't want something of us, they wanted someóne: Izzy. "Oh God Izzy! How could you! Why didn't you tell me?!" I said fiery. She looked at me, confusion written all over her face. "What are you talking about Clary?!" She asked worried. "You're popular!" I said, and I couldn't help but speak out the word as if it was the most disgusting thing I had ever heard. "Well that's just relatively speaking… And even if I was, what's wrong with that?" she said. I shook my head in disbelief. "Everything!" I said fiery. I paused a second but then added softer "All of it…". She looked worriedly at me. "Look Clary, I can't help it if people like me, can I? So if they do and that makes me popular, so be it. Maybe it was different at your former school, but popular doesn't need to be negative you know!" She said gently but firm. She was right: this was different. I needed to keep that in mind: this was different. It wouldn't be like in former times… "Yes, of course, you're right. It's different, I'm sorry…" I said, ashamed of my sudden outburst in front of all these people. "Of course I am… I always am." She said with a smile as she gave me a quick hug. "And now off we go! I'm sure you will love my friends! They're soooo curious to meet you!"

**So tell me what you think! I'm always curious to hear! :p If anyone has tips or ideas for the story: tell me! I'd love to make the story as good as I can, so help is always welcome! :)**


	12. Newbie

**I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a while :( This chapter was a hard one to write, and I still got the feeling it isn't very well :/ Hope you guys at least don't hate it :s**

"Guys" I said with a movement of my head as I approached the picnic bench where my friends were hanging around. They all greeted me back, doing handshakes and giving amicable nudges as I made slowly my way to Jordan who sat on top of the picnic bench. Finally I reached the table and climbed on it and shook Jordan's hand too. He was one of my best friends, together with Alec, and I regretted that I had spent so little time with him this summer, knowing that it was mainly my fault... I had been so busy with Clary and with myself, that I had kind of neglected my friends, and I decided that I would spend more time with them the next weeks.

As I was discussing strategies for the new soccer season with Jordan, I heard how the others greeting Alec friendly as he sat down next to me. Alec was one of those people who was liked by everyone… He was just so kind and likable that there was no way to feel uncomfortable around him. Suddenly one of the guys of the team called my name, interrupting the conversation between me, Alec and Jordan... "What?" I asked distracted, my head still filled with 4-3-3, 4-5-1 and 4-4-2 positions. "Who's that hot chick next to your sister?" said Sam with a greedy smile. "Well I certainly want to teach that newbie how we do it here!" added Vincent while he made a suggestive movement with his hips. The other boys laughed at his remark and I forced myself to laugh with them even though I fumed inside. "No idea, I'm not Izzy's babysitter." I said fake annoyed and uninterested. Phuh, that guy could expect an "accidently" ball in his "private parts" the next training… I saw Alec cast a weird glance at me, but I knew that if I reacted now, it would make them even more interested in her then they already were… Hoping that Alec would keep his mouth, I bit on my tongue and cursed Clary internally for being sexier than was good for her. Or even more, than good was for me: she had arrived like 5 minutes ago, and the entire soccer team was already drooling over her! I would get some serious competition…

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><p>Izzy walked confidently to a group of girls standing next to one of the huge trees that stood spread across the terrain. A brown-haired girl leant against the tree trunk, her hands absently tearing away little pieces of rough bark. Two other girls stood in front of her, their backs in our direction. From the way how she was using grand hand gestures, I assumed that the blonde one on the right was telling some story to the other ones. The one on the left took her phone out of her handbag and looked around while she was sending a text. Right then, the brown-haired girl who had been leaning against the tree noticed Izzy, and with a high-pitched "Izzy!" she stepped quickly to Izzy and gave her a hug. The other girls gave an enthusiastic squeal too as they hugged Izzy in turn and I couldn't help but smile as I saw how Izzy perfectly fitted into this group…<p>

The girls all had a different type of appearance, from exotic foreigner to blonde cheerleader, but they were all impossibly beautiful. Besides that, their clothes looked like they came right from the catwalk, perfectly fitted and to the latest fashion… and everything, from their attitudes to their language made clear that they were all rich as hell.

Only a few seconds after they had hugged Izzy, they all hugged me and gave me tree kisses on my cheek, telling me how Izzy had told them so much about me and how wonderful it was that we finally met. They all introduced themselves briefly (the tree girl was named Kaelie, the blonde cheerleader Aline and the other brown-haired girl Caroline) before they started to talk about their latest summer events. I tried to follow their conversation, but I didn't know anyone of those where they were talking about, so I just smiled and hummed from time to time while I let my gaze slide over all the people swarming around. I knew that Izzy totally loved her friends, but I couldn't help but hate them immediately. They were just like my former friends from my former life, and I knew that sooner or later, they would break Izzy's heart, just like they had done with me…

It was only when the bell rang, that I realized that I hadn't yet passed by the secretariat. "Shit Izzy!" I said loudly, interrupting the girls' conversation rather rude. "What?" she asked, clearly confused by mu sudden shout-out. "We needed to go to the se-"I started, but my sentence was finished by Izzy herself. "The secretariat! Damned!" she said as she grabbed my hand and started to run with me. "See you later!" we shouted to Kaelie, Aline and Caroline who still stood next to the tree, confused by our sudden haste. We ran through the school halls, me following Izzy who turned -in my eyes completely randomly- left and right. I had the feeling that I would never find my way here on my own thanks to my horrid orientation ability…

Finally we arrived at the secretariat, only seconds before the bell rang another time. Slightly out of breath we talked for a moment to the secretary, who heartily gave me the necessary papers. A few minutes later we were back into the hallways, where more and more students entered their different classrooms, making the corridors emptier and emptier.

The other students had already received their timetables a few days earlier, so Izzy thumbed quickly through my papers and compared my timetable with hers. "Jes! Just as I thought! We have almost all our classes together." she said with a cheerful smile while she guided me through the corridors again. I smiled back, happy that she was so enthusiastic about it. Of course, I was incredibly relieved that both of us would have a lot of classes together, she was not only my best, but also my only real friend in here! But even though we had spent a lot time the last few weeks, I hadn't been sure if Izzy wanted to be with me too, since she often hid her feelings of affection … "Milady," she said before she knocked on one of the class doors, "ready for some action?"

As we entered the class, a man at the end of his fifties was taking the presences. While we walked in, he looked up from above his glasses, blue eyes peering into ours. A frown appeared as he saw us stand before his desk. "And what is your excuse for being late, young ladies?" he said with a worn, severe voice. "Well sir, we're really sorry, but Clary needed to pick up some papers at the secretariat. And since she's new here at school, I offered to accompany her on her way." Izzy said with an innocent smile, her voice a mixture of (fake) guilt and good intentions. I would have stand there with my mouth wide open, if I hadn't been able to hold myself in at the last moment: that wouldn't exactly improve Izzy's credibility, would it? "Well… in that case, I suppose I can make an exception." He said friendly. "All in all, it's the first day of school, right?" he winked… cheeky?! "Thank you sir" Izzy and me answered in unison. "No, thank you, Izzy, for giving…", he quickly checked my papers for my name, "Miss Fray such a warm welcome. That was very generous of you." he said before he went back to his attendance list. "Oh, and Clarissa…", he said looking back up, "Welcome at Morgenstern High. I am sure you will make some great memories in here." "Thank you sir. I think so too!" I said politely before Izzy and I searched a place next to each other in the back of the class. We couldn't stop giggling as we made jokes about how he had winked at us, and soon my abs hurt from laughing.

The first classes passed without any events. Most of the teachers just talked about what they were going to do for the rest of the year, talked about what we needed etc… In most of my classes I was accompanied by Izzy or either one of her friends, so at least I didn't need to panic about being completely alone. Kaelie, Aline and Caroline were all very nice so I tried to shake off the negative vibe I had around them, which only succeeded partially…

At my last class of the forenoon, mathematics, none of my "friends" were in my class, which made me incredibly nervous. I looked around the class and noticed a brown-haired girl in the back of the class who seemed really nice and I hoped that she wouldn't mind if I sat down her. When I asked it, she seemed kind of surprised, but she answered that she absolutely didn't mind, so I shyly sat down next to her. Once I sat down, she introduced herself as Maia, and there was something about her that made me like her instantly. "I'm Clary, I'm new here." I said with a smile, hoping that that explanation would make it less weird that I sat next to her even though she didn't knew me at all. "Oh I know you," she said with a smile, "half the school is talking about you!" I felt my eyes widen. "Uhm what?! No I don't think so, I only arrived today… you're probably taking me for someone else…" I said confused. She laughed with a slight sarcastic undertone. "I don't think there has arrived another girl today who has the name Clary too and who is coincidentally also friends with the most popular people of the school…" I blushed heavily as I heard what she said, and I cursed Izzy inside for being so damn popular. Staying unnoticed apparently would be harder than I thought... "If it helps, that I'm talking with them, doesn't mean I like them you know" I said, immediately regretting my "confession". God I didn't even knew this girl for more than 5 minutes and I was already telling personal things to her! "I already assumed something like that…" she said with a soft smile as she turned to the blackboard cause the teacher had just walked in, "you're too nice for that…"

**Soooooo what do you think? (I'm always a little terrified if I ask that question even though I love you all, no matter what you say :p) So I know there hasn't been a lot of Clace lately, but I'm working on it guys, I'm working on it :p xxx N.**


	13. Tension

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any of the personages of The Mortal Instruments :( The only thing I own are the storylines of this story :)**

I couldn't wait any longer, I just couldn't. I hadn't talked at her since Saturday evening -or night, more precisely- and I really needed to have a talk with her… now. I searched through the crowd that was heading outside, trying to capture the last sunrays before winter would start.

Every time I had passed Clary in the hallways, my heart had skipped a beat, but she had never tried to talk to me. The little smiles or slight head nods were the only things that gave away that she had even noticed me, and it just drove me insane. In her texts, she may had said that everything of Sunday had nothing to do with me, but I needed to hear it from her own mouth before I would really believe it. So now I was searching that mouth… that delicious, perfectly formed mouth of her, so it could release me of all my worries.

And then I saw her… She walked into the middle of the stream of students who were getting outside, and was talking to a brown-haired girl who walked next to her. I didn't know her very well, only knew that her name was Maggie or something like that, but I smiled as I saw how they were both laughing. It seemed like they were both having a good time, but that didn't surprised me much. Up till know, I hadn't met anyone who didn't like Clary: she always seemed to find the right words to twist everyone around her little finger, including me. Especially me...

"Clary!" I shouted at her as I made my way to her, paving my way against the stream. I had figured out that soon enough my friends would find out that I did knew Clary, that she even lived at my house, so I didn't care about anyone seeing us together. I was almost in front of her when she noticed me and as I stopped walking, I made my world-famous smirk, expecting her to smile back and come to me. But then again, it was Clary where I was talking about, so I probably should have expected that she would do the exact opposite…

She stopped walking herself and said something against Maggie or whatever that girl's name was, while she made some gestures towards me and towards a picnic bench. It almost looked like they were having a little argument but then they finally split ways. She looked a little hesitantly as she made her way to me.

"What's wrong Jace? Why did you need me?" she asked, a slight frown visible between her eyes. I couldn't help but see how adorable she looked with that, but I tried to focus. "We need to talk Clary" I said, my voice less confident than I wanted it to be. "About what?" she said, making a weak attempt to avoid the matter. "You know about what." I retorted quickly, a hundred percent sure that she knew where I was talking about. She sighed as she looked around her and started to walk, probably assuming me to follow. Slightly offended that she wasn't the slightest bit eager to talk to me, I followed her to one of the big trees on the terrain. She acted weirdly, as if she was… hiding or something like that. She turned around and I took a step closer, closing the enormous space between us. Now our heads were almost touching, but she didn't backed away. I looked at her with a meaningful look: I wouldn't go away until she talked to me. "Fine!" she said finally, as she rolled her eyes. "Fine! I will talk to you… But not here, at home…" I smiled… I could live with that option. "Fine." I answered. "When?" I asked, whereupon she rolled her eyes again. "At 6 o'clock precisely in my room captain!" She said mockingly as she made a military salute with her hand. "Are we good now?" She said ironically. "Perfect!" I said back, ignoring her irony. "Great!" she said, the sarcasm now clearly audible in her voice as she started to walk away from me. And then I did it… I couldn't help it, if she was like that to me, I just couldn't help but try to piss her of even more. I quickly caught up with her. "We hadn't said goodbye yet" I said, after which I bent towards her and gave her a kiss on her cheek. She immediately reddened and after a few seconds of astonishment, she shouted my name angrily. Luckily for me, I was already walking away, not risking to get slapped by her if I stayed close to her right now…

Clary's POV

"Fucking asshole!" I mumbled under my breath as I turned away from him and stamped furiously to Maia. Or at least I tried to be furious, even though my body was still filled with pleasurable tingles. It was unbelievable how his presence influenced me! Blood was racing through my veins, my skin tingled at every place that he had touched, and in his presence I felt more alive than at any other moment of the day.

I reached the table were Maia was sitting and she grinned as I sat down next to her. "What?!" I asked, trying to act as if nothing had happened just now. "I was wrong…" she said with a smile, and I looked in surprise to her. "About what?" I asked slightly timorous. "I was wrong when I said that half the school is talking about you… I'm pretty sure that right now, the entire school is talking…" I was startled by what she said, even though I had already knew it somewhere, right from the moment he gave me that kiss. You couldn't just do something like that with someone popular without anyone noticing. Ugh, I hated popular people… I looked subtle around me (or at least I tried to be subtle about it) and I noticed that Maia was totally right… again. A lot of people were staring -without the slightest attempt to be subtle- at us and whispering to each other, and I was pretty sure that they weren't talking about my fashionable clothes…

Only then, Izzy and her friends reached our table, ending our conversation provisionally. Izzy had promised that she would sit next to me in the midday so that I certainly wouldn't be alone, and I saw that she was elated that I already had made a new friend. I introduced Maia to them, and was glad that she had stayed even though she didn't like Izzy's group. Don't get me wrong, I totally loved Izzy, but I just didn't trust her friends...

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><p>As the rest of the day proceeded, I couldn't stop thinking about Jace… I had no idea what I needed to say to him, and I was afraid that he would ask way too many questions… Finally school was over, so I said goodbye to Maia and left the school with Caroline in an uncomfortable silence. Alec and Jace would stay a bit longer because they already had a training for the soccer team and Aline, Kaelie and Izzy had already left –in the brand-new Mercedes of Kaelie- cause they wanted to go shopping. Caroline had some appointment she couldn't reschedule and I wasn't really in the mood for even more shopping that I had already done with Izzy, so Caroline offered to drop me off at home. I asked Caroline something about her hobby (she had mentioned that she loved horseback riding) intending to start some conversation in which I luckily succeeded. It appeared that Caroline was a smooth talker which made the car ride way more enjoyable than I had expected. As she dropped me off, I decided that I liked her more than the other two girls. In some way, she didn't seem as… fake as Aline and Kaelie were…<p>

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><p>God, this was just terrible! Ever since I had come home, I had been incredibly nervous… I had been eating… a lot, I had taken a long hot shower and had tried to sing a few songs to clear my mind, but nothing could put Jace out of my mind… Every time again his adorable, knees-shaking smile and his magnificent eyes reappeared in my mind, making me completely insane. How could one boy take possession of every single thought?! I lay on my bed, refusing to meet him earlier even though the waiting was just nerve wracking… I knew that if I went to his room right now, he would be making numerous remarks about how I couldn't miss him, and I refused to give him that satisfaction … So now I was counting the minutes until it would be six o'clock, because even though I was scared of what could possibly happen, I just wanted to see him.<p>

I sighted: still 23 minutes to go… I went to the mirror in my bathroom and looked narrowly at my reflection. This was certainly open for some improvement… I ran to my closet, happily that I finally had some goal to keep me busy for the next 23 minutes. I picked out a black short with a white tank top and putted a denim shirt on top of that, trying to create a nonchalant look (because I was totally nonchalant about this whole thing, right?!). Back in the bathroom I made a braid in my hair, trying to tame my curls a bit, before I went back to my bed. I sat down on the edge of my bed, trying to ignore the knot in my stomach that was getting bigger and bigger. I finally allowed myself to throw a glance at my clock radio: 5.56. I sighted deeply…

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><p>Ok, I couldn't hold it any longer! It was 6.03 and he still wasn't here! Had he forgotten about it? Or was he just playing a game with me? I was walking around and trying to make a decision about what I needed to do. Go to his room? Act like I had forgotten about it too? Text him? Grrrr why could that fucking douche bag not just be here in time?! Apparently I was so unimportant for Lightwood that he even forgot me! Well, I would show him that I would not just take that! I quickly left my room, striking my door loudly.<p>

I didn't even knock on his door, too irritated to show any form of politeness. I remembered Izzy's warning to never open Jace's door without his permission, but I wasn't afraid of him and I couldn't care less. I just opened his door and went in, ready to yell to him… a lot. "Jac-" I started angrily before I shut up abruptly. Jace stood in the doorway of what I supposed was his bathroom, only wearing a towel that was loosely wrapped around his waist.

**Soooo cliffhanger! :D Well guys, I hoped you liked this chapter! :) but… I got a very important question for you guys. In the next chapter, there's gonna be Clace… a lot of Clace :p , but I'm not sure how far I would go yet… Let me know what you think that should happen!**


	14. (un)visible injuries

**Aaaaaah next chapter :) :) :) I tried to upload it as soon as possible, cause I though it would be kind of mean to keep you in suspense for a long time :p ****I hope you like it! :) and now, without further ado.. THE NEXT CHAPTER BABYYYY :)**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

"What the fuck Clary?! What are you doing here?" he said, the anger clearly audible in his voice. "How dare you enter my room without permission?!" I almost detonated as I heard those words… "Don't you dare being mad at me! If you hadn't forgotten about me then I wouldn't stand here now, would I?!" I shouted back. For a few seconds it remained silent, the quietness louder than ever after my outcry. "Forgotten?" he asked puzzled, slightly taken aback by my outburst. "I didn't forget anything! I'm not la-" he started defending himself as he turned around and looked at the clock above his desk, but his voice faded away as he noticed the time.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

"6.12…" I mumbled against myself. For God's sake Jace! Why did you always ruin everything?! "You forgot me…" she said again, but this time, her voice wasn't filled with anger… It was filled with disappointment, which was even worse. "Clary, I swear I didn't!" I said as I turned back to her. "The training had run out, so I only was here at a quarter to six. And I just wanted to take a quick shower before I got to you, cause I was totally sweaty and smutty an-". "It's fine, Jace" she interrupted me, and even though she acted unapproachable, I could see the sadness in her eyes. "So uhm, I'm just gonna… I mean euhm, I got to euhm… do something…" she said while she waved vaguely with her hand in the doors direction. She cleared her throat uneasy and turned away from me, stepping quickly to the door. "Clary! No, wait!" I said, as I ran after her and grabbed her wrist. God, how could I convince her that I hadn't forgotten about her, without admitting her that she was literally always in my head? God, it just impossible to forget her, I wouldn't even be able to do it if I wanted to…

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

As I turned away from him, I kept saying to myself that it was better like this, that we were both better off. I repeated it again and again, hoping that if I said it enough times to myself, my heart would finally believe it too. But then he grabbed my wrist, and my brains shut up abruptly. I felt how my heart filled itself with hope as I turned around and faced him: hope that I do was of some importance for him. Afraid of another rejection, I did not dare to look into his eyes, so I looked downwards. But maybe that wasn't a good idea either, since my eyes were now focused on his bare chest that was only inches away from me. I saw how his muscular chest went up and down hastily, and as I followed his abs with my eyes, I tried to ignore the fact that the only thing he was wearing was a towel. "I know you are mesmerized by my godly body, but would you please look up at me Clary?" Jace said softly, and I knew he tried to make me laugh to alleviate the tension that hung between us. Nevertheless, he couldn't hide the worry in his voice entirely. I looked up at his eyes and a shiver went down my spine. "Clary, I swear on my parent's grave, that I would never ever forget about you. You're way too important for me." he said as his big golden eyes connected with mine. It was the first time he had ever talked about his parents to me, and I knew that this promise was serious. And besides that, Izzy once had told me that Jace was one of the most honest -and by that also one of the rudest- people she had ever met. "I am?" I asked timidly, still not completely convinced. "Yeah." he just said with that smile that made my knees tremble, and I felt how my lips curled automatically into a smile. "And I'm sorry too…" I admitted reluctantly. "I might have overreacted a bit…" I said guilty. He laughed loudly, a mixture of relief and joy, and when he finally answered, I could still hear a chuckle in his voice. "Welcome to the dark side Red… the side of the drama queens!"

As he came closer, I pushed him quickly away, trying to ignore how good his strong hot chest felt under my hands. He looked in confusion at me, and his eyes asked what was wrong. "I'm not giving you a hug until you put some clothes on!" I said laughingly. "Is that a challenge?!" he said with a cheeky smile. "Don't you dare Jace!" I said warningly, but I knew it was too late. I started running, but of course I wasn't fast enough... Before I had taken a few steps he had already reached me, and curled his hands around my waist. Only a few seconds later, I lay on his shoulder while he was walking around with me. He was pretty much dying from laughter, his body shaking heavily. "Jace! Put me down!" I said, trying to sound stern, but I couldn't retain the laughter in my voice. I shivered slightly, but it wasn't caused by angst, even though I was dangling up in the air: his strong arms around me made me feel as safe as I would have been when I stood on the floor. No, the shiver was caused by the heat that radiated of his bare skin, right through my top onto my own skin…

"Jace Lightwood! Put me down! Immediately!" I said while I tried to hit him on his back. "And put some clothes on too!" I added. "Only if you ask it nicely, Red." He said with a mischievous smile. I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. "Jace Lightwood, would you please do me the favor of putting me down onto the floor? And would you please put on some clothing?" I could practically hear him grin at his victory: "Of course Miss Fray, anything for you my dear!" he said with a laugh as he slowly put me down, his body way too close to mine. I produced some weird little smile as I stepped away from him and walked to his bay window. I heard how he stepped to the bathroom and I felt how my nerves unclenched slightly. I had no idea how much longer I would have been able to keep myself of doing things with Jace where I shouldn't even be thinking about… "Oh and Clary…" Jace said, standing in the doorway of the bathroom. "Don't think I didn't notice how you couldn't keep your eyes of me!" he smiled arrogantly. At that, he closed the door and I turned back to the window. I felt how me cheeks reddened, and I really hoped that he was just teasing me… Guess I hadn't been so subtle after all…

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><p>"Hey" he said as he threw his arms around me from behind. I couldn't help but flinch a little: I wasn't used to physical contact, but for Jace it seemed something natural. "Are you finally dressed?" I asked, trying to control the tremble of my voice. Laughter rumbled from deep in his chest. "Yes, I am." he answered as he sat down next to me, his back leaning against the window. "Where are you looking at?" he asked curiously. I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing…. Everything…" "Seems interesting..." he laughed at my answer, and I looked falsely angrily at him. I gave him a slight nudge with my elbow, but flinched as my bruise hit his ribcage. I tried to hide it from him, but naturally his observant eyes had already took it in. "What's wrong?" he asked immediately, his eyes filled with concern. "Oh, it's nothing, I'm fine." I tried to brush it aside, but of course Jace did not let him be put off. "Sure… you were just cringing for fun." He said sarcastically as he took my elbow in his hands. "May I?" he asked gently. I shrugged my shoulders as an answer, and slowly he rolled the sleeve of my shirt up. Somehow, this seemed even more intimate than everything that had happened a few minutes ago…<p>

I knew the exact moment when he saw my bruise, even though I didn't wanted to look at him. I felt how his body stiffened and his grip on my arm tightened. "Jace, this totally isn't what it looks like, I ju-" I started, knowing that he would interpret it completely wrong. But of course, he wasn't listening to me, and I nearly heard his teeth grinding. "Who… Who did this to you Clary? I'll…I'll kill him." he brought out, his look murderous. "Jace, would you please calm down for a moment?" I asked urging, but I had the feeling he wasn't really listening to me… "Jace!" I said again, a bit louder now, as I carefully laid my hand on the hand that was holding my arm. This time he did look up, his eyes filled with… ancient sorrow. "Jace, I'm fine. Nobody touched me… I just fell and bumped my elbow." I saw how the old memories pulled away of his mind, as he finally really looked at me. "Do you swear?" he asked seriously. "I do Jace." I said, with all the honesty I had in me, and I saw how these words freed him of whatever was afflicting his mind. His shoulders unbent slowly and the grip on my arm loosened up. "Are you all right?" I asked worried as I tried to capture his regard. On moments like this, I realized that I wasn't the only one with troubles, and I felt a twinge go through me as I realized how selfish I had been the last days… "Jeah, perfectly fine" he said with a smile, but I saw how forced and fake it was. "So how did you get it?" he asked, nodding to my arm, clearly trying to divert the attention to something else but him. "I…" I coughed ashamed, trying to win some time. At first I doubted whether or not I would tell him the truth, knowing that he would definitely laugh with me, but then again he could definitely use something to lighten up his spirit a bit. And if I needed to make a fool of myself for that, well than I would make a fool of myself... for him. "I fell off my windowsill… onto my night standard." I said with a slightly awkward smile, noticing how dumb that must have sounded to him. He produced a slight chuckle, and I saw how the little sparks in his eyes slowly returned. "That sight must have been…" "Hilarious?" I finished his sentence, not really surprised that he was mocking me. "I was going to say painful, but yours is better." He said, a real smile finally lighting up his face.

"And your hands?" I asked, unable to stop my own curiosity. Already this morning, I had noticed that is knuckles were rough, the skin clearly damaged by something or someone. "I could have expected that you would notice it" he said laughingly. "I notice everything!" I replied. "I believe they have a term for that, they call it obsessed." He said, his expression full of satisfaction by his witty comment. "You know what…", I retaliated, "acting like a smart-ass really doesn't suit you!" He smiled and came closer to me: "Everything suits me." he said, the arrogance now literally dripping of his face. "And you are avoiding my question!'" I said, ignoring his last words. His smile held a little regret as he noticed that his diversion hadn't worked out as he planned. "I accidently bumped against a punching bag…" he said smilingly, and I rolled with my eyes. "Oh really, a punching bag just came up out the middle of nowhere and bumped against your hand?" I said sarcastically. "Ok, you can scrape the 'accidentally', but there do was a punching bag involved." he said with a smile whence I couldn't say was honest or just mockingly… I just raised both my eyebrows -as I was incapable of raising only one, don't even start about it- expressing my disbelief. "If you don't believe me, then I'll show you…" he said, as he grabbed my hand and leaded me away of the window, his smile way to cheeky in my opinion.

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><p><strong>So I really hoped you liked the chapter, I put a lot of work in it :D Please review and like and favorite, that would mean a lot to me :p ok no that would mean EVERYTHING to me :) love you all, N. xxx<strong>


	15. Kicks and hits

Jace was one of those people who always got what he wanted… Every boy wanted to be like him and were eager to help him a hand. As if they hoped that his popularity would spread to them and make their lives less… common and unimportant. And if he smiled, girls practically fainted immediately and did whatever he asked. Yes, Jace was one of those people who got everything he wanted… Until he met Clary Fray, and things never got the same…

As Jace leaded Clary to a door at the end of the corridor, he surprised himself about how this girl had changed his life forever… He got shivers if he thought about how he depended on her presence, how he was completely mesmerized by every little movement she made… He had never experienced this before, and he was sure that he would never experience it with anyone else. It was right at that moment that Jace decided that it was time for a great charm offensive... He wanted her so badly; he needed her so overpowering, that there was no other option: he would get her, no matter what he needed to do for it…

As Clary walked through the hallways of the old house, she was fighting an inner war. She knew she needed to let go of Jace's hand, or at least her brains knew, but on the other hand, his hand seemed the only thing who kept her from insanity. She knew she was bad for him, and she knew her secret would kill him if he found out, but she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to be so unselfish… As Jace opened the wooden door and stepped aside to let her in, her feet faltered for a moment before she stepped inside the room, as if she had noticed how the atmosphere was changing from light and innocent to an intense tension that consumed everything on its way.

Clary's POV

I spinned around in the room, trying to take in everything that stood in it... My eyes widened as I looked at everything that passed by: a large, brown, lived couch, more than 10 different sport devises of whom the function was totally unknown by me, a large flat screen on one of the wall and … a punching back that hung up on a hook. "This. Is. Insane." I stated, emphasizing every single word. "What?" he said with a smile. "That I didn't lie to you? You know, I do that quite a lot, yet people are always surprised..." I rolled with my eyes. "I'm alluding to all the sporty things in this room! I'm mean, is it so hard to be rich that you just throw you money away?!" he laughed. "I'm not throwing it away, I'm investing in my body!" he said, and he continued with a smirk. "Girls expect this body to be flawless, and I would never let my fan girls down, would I?" I sighted irritated. Well there was cocky Jace again... "And you couldn't just go for a run, can you?" I asked sarcastically. "Well they don't have HD TV in parks, do they?" I sighed again. "Spoiled little asshat..." I murmured under my breath as I walked to the door.

"Hey hey!" he shouted out as he grabbed my arm and stopped me of leaving the room. "Come on Red, I was just joking..." he laughed, his fingers seemingly mindless trailing up and down my arm. I backed away and sat down on the couch, since I had the feeling that I could faint every second. Every time our bodies touched, even for a few seconds, my body reacted so intense, as if I had just been struck by lightning. "Come on Clar, say something... I mean, you aren't really mad, are you?"he asked. I shook my head slightly: I had no idea what I felt right now, but I was pretty sure that it wasn't anger. "So this is the villain who kicked you in a fight?" I asked, trying to divert his mind. "Me, losing a fight? Against whom?" he questioned puzzled, not answering my question. "As I look at your hands, you definite lost... And loosing from a punching bag, that's sad Jace, really sad... even for you..." I said, an unstoppable smile plastered on my face. It was funny how I always felt better when I could mock him... he was in that way the perfect antidepressant... He produced something that sounded like a mix of a snort and a laugh, and we both started laughing. "Do you want me to teach you a bit?" he asked, twinkles lightning up his eyes. I doubted a moment before I nodded. "Yeah, why not?" I said with a smile: it was time that I started to live again, I had been dead for way too long...

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><p>To my shame, I had to admit that I was slightly out of breath as I had been hitting that bag for a while. I was wearing Jace's gloves and tried to imitate the movements he showed me, but I had the feeling that I looked like an elephant that was stomping around like an idiot, while Jace looked like a super elegant and well-trained fighting master. I was trying to copy the kick that Jace had just shown to me, but I failed miserable which yielded me a muffled chuckle from Jace. "No Clar..." he said, still grinningly, as he approached me. He stood behind me and laid his hands gently on my hip. "You need to centre your power here, at you middle... that gives you strength and stability... If you only use your legs, you will probably just fall and hurt yourself." He grinned again, and I forced myself to laugh with him even though it was hard to concentrate... His hands were still on my hips, I felt his breath against my neck, and the warm sound of his husky voice let my body tingle from head to toe... And that might sound all romantic and exciting, but all I could think was that I was probably stinking of sweat.<p>

"Jace..." I started, but I stopped abrupt. I wasn't able to say anything else, since I had no idea what I wanted to say... Since I had no idea what I wanted him to do... Back off? Or... "Uhu?" he asked as he laid his chin on my shoulder. "What Fray?" He asked, his voice lazy and seemingly uninterested. I wanted to say something witty or funny, but unfortunately my brain had other thoughts, and all I could say was: "I probably smell terrible..." He laughed again: "No you don't." "Yes I do, so back off and let me go take a shower." "Is that an invitation?" he asked smilingly, and I could almost hear him raising his eyebrows. I turned around, almost offended by what he was implying. "No of course not!" I said as I hit his chest. "Oh it isn't?" he asked, as his left eyebrow rose in a question. "I think it absolutely was..." he said arrogantly as he came even closer to me. "You wish Jace Wayland. Not in a million years!" I said, trying to sound confident and disgusted."I don't believe you." Was the only thing he said as he came closer and closer. Every time he took a step forward, I took a step back. "Jace!" I said warningly, "stop it!" "Why should we?" he asked. "I want it… You want it… I don't see the problem…" He came even closer, his mouth only centimetres away from mine. "Jace. Stop it. Now." I said, but he ignored me as he bended over. And then I did it… I slapped him; I slapped him with all my powers right in the face… And I ran…

**I know guys… Short chapter :( but I just had the feeling that it was finished, that I didn't need to add anything else… :D please tell me what you think about this :p cause this chapter was… intense :p And… there's another thing that I needed to say: I'm going on a vacation so I won't be updating for… 2 weeks :s I know that's freaking stupid for you guys, but I can't help it… :s I really hope you will not abandon the story, cause neither do I! Please, just bear with me :p love you all xxx N.**


	16. Utterly broken

**Wohooooow another update! :) hope you like it guys, I really did my best to update as soon as possible :D**

Clary's POV

I ran to my room and smashed the door behind my back. I couldn't believe this had just happened?! How could he do this to me? Finally I had started trusting him and know he did this?! My hand was red and warm, and it still tingled of the smack... By the Angel, I still couldn't believe I had slapped him in the face! Rage and tears were fighting to get the upper hand, and as my tears won the battle he first ones started running down my face. I fell onto my bed and curled myself into a foetus position... Soon the pillow I was clinging to was getting drenched with my tears, and a sound of despair escaped from my mouth knowing that everything was ruined: we would never get this right again...

Jace's POV

I kicked the door behind her with a loud smash, and turned around to find something to cool my rage. How could she?! She fucking slapped me in the face! I hit the punching bad with all the power I had, only vaguely noting that I had no gloves on. God, she didn't need to think that I would ever want to see her again! I kicked the bag with my right foot. It was clear that she had just been playing with me! My hand protested as I stroke again. From now on I would just ignore that bitch completely! The punching bad made a squeaky sound as I punched it again, but I didn't care. By the angel, I hated that girl! I made the move I had been trying to teach her only minutes ago, using all the force I had. The hook that hold the punching bag up in the air couldn't hold it any longer, and it let go of the bag, causing it to fly through the air and land a few meters further. I stepped closer, only know noticing the tears that had been leaping down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away with my fists and tried to pick up the heavy punching bag. On that moment I saw the blood that hanged on the white leather of the bag, and I looked confused at my hands. My knuckles were pounding and were bleeding heavily as my former injuries had got only worse. I sank down next to the sack and a shout of rage escaped from my mouth. I knew that everything was ruined: we would never get this right again...

Clary's POV

The next days were... the worst days of my life. And that says something, I guaranty... At school he just ignored my presence at all, avoiding eye contact in the hallways and riding home with his motorcycle. And at home, the situation wasn't any better. He acted like he didn't care at all about me, only speaking to me when he really had to because I needed to pass him the coffeepot or another trivial thing. Every time we passed each other in the hallways, it felt like the atmosphere got heavy and uncomfortable, but we just looked away from each other and both acted as we didn't notice anything. It killed me inside to see how much I had hurt him, and I hated myself for it.

Since the night we had visited The Old Duck, his jacket hang on my desk chair waiting for its golden owner, but every time again I had forgotten to return it to him . It's presence had never bothered me until now, now it remembered me of all my lost chances, and since I didn't want to think about him, I decided to finally give him the jacket back. Afraid to speak to him or even be in his presence, I laid it quickly in front of his door on a moment that he wasn't at home... I think it was an understatement to say that I tried to avoid him as much as I could, and I despised myself for being such a coward...

On top of that, my nightmares were worse than ever... My attempts to catch some sleep at night were practically useless: constantly exposed to my deepest fears and haunted by my most feared monster, my nerves were as tensed as a guitar string. Every morning, I had to apply several layers of make-up to hide the deep, dark blue circles under my eyes. The irony tasted bitter: at night I tried desperately to fall asleep, and by day I forced myself to stay awake, not wanting anyone to notice anything of my problems.

Jace's POV

The next days were... the worst days of my life. And that says something, I guaranty... I went to school with my motorcycle, claiming that it was safer than Alec driving style. And even though that actually wasn't a lie, it was mainly because I couldn't stand the idea of being so close to Clary. I had put some bandages around my knuckles and wore my leather gloves as much as I could, trying to avoid questions, but there was not a single remedy for the invisible wounds around my heart.

Since I had tried to kiss her, she ignored me completely, causing me to feel as a ghost in my own house. The only times we talked was when we were really required to do it, and I assumed that the other were starting to notice it too, since Izzy had been throwing me some weird glances. Every time me and Clary passed each other in the hallways, it felt like the atmosphere got heavy and uncomfortable, but we just looked away from each other and both acted as we didn't notice anything.

The evening after... it, I found my jacket in front of my door, and I felt a sting racing through my body. If she can't even face me to give back my stupid jacket, than how could I ever talk to her to apologise? She would only look at me with pure hatred in her eyes, and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that...

My days seemed to last forever, not only by day but also at night... Normally, I slept as soon as my body hit my mattress, but now I laid hours awake, mulling and tossing around, thinking about the redhead who was since shortly the source of every thought of mine, if I wanted or not... At first I tried to distract myself by flirting with other girls, but no matter how beautiful they were, they weren't good enough... they weren't Clary. Later I tried to give my thought some rest by training even more football, but that didn't help either. Every time I made a goal or a smooth tackle, she was in my mind, and I just wished that she was here to see me, I just wished she was here with me.

Clary's POV

It was Friday night -or in fact Saturday morning since it was around 1 am- as I was staring through my window. I had the feeling that the weather was showing my inner to the world: the sky was black as the deepest depths of hell, the moon and the stars were hidden behind dark, thick clouds, and an icy north wind raged as a whirlwind trough the streets. I dragged myself to my bed, desperately begging for some sleep, no idea how I could get through another night... Never before I had felt such a deep feeling of hopelessness, as if there was no good thing left in my life. I knew that if I talked about it to anyone, they would just laugh with me. A fight with the boy you liked, that happened every day, in every time and in every continent, right? No big deal... Only, this wasn't just a boy I liked... this was the boy who saved my life, even if he wasn't aware of that… It felt like life was just joking with me, a cruel joke which was ruining me: I could not live with him, but neither could I live without him. I closed my eyes slowly, in vain hoping that his golden image would protect me in my dreams.

I woke up with a start, heavily panting and shaking, cold sweat running down my spine. My heart beat like crazy as I remembered my last nightmare. This one had been more vivid and frightening than any other had been before. He had seemed so real, as if he had truly risen from the dead, ready to avenge. I stood up, restless and afraid, and started to walk around in my room. From my window to my door and back, times and times again. It was 2.43 am and I was officially a wreck. All of a sudden, I got an idea. It was insane, completely self-destructive and outright foolish, but it was my only option. He was my only option.

Jace's POV

I woke up as someone was knocking on my door. It sounded hurried, but at the same time doubtful, as if the person behind it wasn't sure what he wanted. As I stood up slowly, a flash of That Night passed through my thoughts, leaving chills over my entire body. I shook away the memory as quick as I could as I had forbidden to myself to think about it ever again and walked to the door. "Who's there?" I asked, sounding less confident that I wanted it to be. "It's me…" came the response, spoken by a voice I would recognize everywhere and every time. I opened the door without a doubt. "Clary?" I asked, completely taken by surprise. She stood a few steps away from the door, enveloped by the shadows of the corridors. "What are you doing here?" I brought out, my voice now very audible shaking. "I'm sorry, Jace... This was a mistake... I should have… I shouldn't have come." She said, her voice breaking at the last words. She tried to walk away, but I quickly grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer to me. I may have let her go once, but I wouldn't let it happen again.

I opened my mouth to ask her something, but as soon as I saw her face, softly lit by the light of my bedside lamp, I forgot everything I wanted to say. She had deep, dark circles under her eyes, had clearly lost even more weight which exposed her cheekbones even more explicit, and an expression of utter desperation was written all over her face. I couldn't stop the gasp that escaped from my mouth as I was completely taken by surprise. "Oh god, Clary, I'm so sorry..." I said, guilt trailing through every single vain of my body. "This is all my fault." She just shook her head with a sad smile. "My golden saviour..." was the only thing she said before she ran into my body and buried herself in my arms. I had no time to say anything before she started to cry as I had never heard anyone cry before. It scared the shit out off me to see her like this, all broken and alone, and I hated myself for it. I picked her up and dragged her to my bed intending to tug her in and let her rest, but she wouldn't let go of my shirt, which made me end up in my bed with her in my arms. I whispered soft words as I stroke her hair slowly. "Shhhhh it's gonna be okay Clary. I'm here with you now, everything's gonna be alright. I will protect you." I repeated again and again, until she finally calmed down and fell asleep in my arms…

**Please tell me what you think about it! Every time I get a review I just dance around my room and scream like a lunatic (I know, I might be a bit insane :p)! And it just give me so much energy to keep writing :) **

**A special shout-out to DauntlessShadowhunterChick and that one guest how reviews almost every time (at least I think it's always the same person ;p): YOU ARE AMAZING! Thank you so much for your reviews!**

**I love you all more than you know xxx N.**


	17. Red

**Haaj folks! :D new chapter! :) Thank you all for your massive reviews! I was almost crying when I read them :) really, I was amazed by your positive reactions and I all give you a virtual hug as a thank you :) :d hope you like the new chapter too! :D**

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

As I woke up early in the morning, I was greeted by a bunch of fiery red curls that were spread on my pillow. Confused as my thoughts were still a bit disjointed by sleep, I looked down to see the owner of the curls lying on my chest. Immediately, a warm feeling spread through my chest, even though I relived the worries of this night. I loved how she seemed so carefree and happy in her sleep, as if she was free of every single sorrow, and I tried to keep my eyes open to consume every inch of this beautiful creature. But my eyelids had other ideas, and soon I was falling back asleep. I had unconsciously noticed that her right hand laid demurely under her head, but only seconds before I nod off, I felt how she was -probably unknowingly- slowly moving her left hand. Quickly I fell back asleep, this time with the feeling of her cold hand on my bare skin and a huge smile plastered on my face.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I woke up by the warmth of the sun that was heating my back and slowly opened my eyes, only to shut them immediately after I had seen Jace's body next to me… or maybe "partially under me" was a better description… As the memories of the night before flood back, a deep red blush started to color my cheeks. With a deep, silent breath, I opened my eyes again, and took in the damage. My legs were intertwined with his ones, and my head rested on his chest, but those didn't form the real problem. It was my left hand, that somehow this night had slipped under his shirt and that was now laying on his flat, muscled abs that was making me freak out. Little power surges were making their way from my finger tips to my stomach and were fluttering there around like little electric butterflies. Shit… I was in serious trouble…

For 5 minutes I allowed myself to enjoy the feeling of being so close to Jace: I took in his delicious sent, I engraved his warm, carefree expression in my memories and enjoyed the welcoming heat of his body. It felt like I had woken up only seconds ago, but his watch was telling me that I was laying there awake for at least 15 minutes and I knew that he could wake up every second now. Reluctantly I started moving away from him, slowly and cautiously in order not to rouse him. As I had finally left the bed I walked over to his desk and took a post-it. "I'm sorry" I wrote, as I took a last look to my golden savior who was laying there so innocent. I knew this wasn't right, but I was too ashamed to face him right now. I laid the note on the pillow beside him and as I tore my eyes away from him, I turned around and left his room. I knew I was a coward, but I had showed him a part of the real Clary, and it scared the hell out of me. The last time I had done that, it had killed someone, and I wouldn't let that happen again…

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

As I woke up, I immediately felt that something was wrong. I forced my eyes open and a regretful sigh left my mouth. She was gone… again. I immediately noticed the fluorescent yellow post-it that was stuck against the pillow. "I'm sorry" was all it said, and I immediately recognized Clary's handwriting. I crumpled the paper in my hand and hit the mattress in a weak attempt to get rid of the feeling of powerlessness, even though I knew that it wouldn't change a thing.

As I was eating breakfast, Maryse in passing mentioned that Izzy and Clary were out… "Something with the party of tonight, you know, girls…" Maryse had said with a smile, but I knew that this wasn't Clary's idea. She probably was doing it to avoid me, knowing that I would want to talk about what had happened this night. But if she thought I would drop this so easily, she didn't know me well enough: I would see her tonight at the party, and I wouldn't let her go until she told me everything…

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

The day went by in a rush, and I felt as if time was going twice as fast as I wanted it to go. Every minute that passed, I came closer to the moment that I needed to see Jace, and every second the knot in my stomach became tighter and tighter. The entire day, I was somewhere far away with my thoughts, only partially listening to Izzy. I knew I was being a terrible friend, while she was always there for me if I needed it, but I couldn't forget Jace. Every time again I thought about how betrayed he was feeling right now, how used he must feel, and I knew it was my fault. I focused on Izzy's words, afraid that I would start crying if I thought about Jace any longer. For the hundredth time (and I probably hadn't heard half of her complaints), she was complaining about how bad I had treated myself these last days and that she would have to put massive effort in it to make me "as beautiful as I really am". "I'm sorry Izzy!" I apologized once again, as I took in my environment. Apparently we were having a manicure right now, even though I couldn't remember walking into this building. "I promise I will do my best from now on to not walk around like a zombie…" She laughed at me, but her smile wasn't reaching her eyes which were filled with concern. "You can tell me everything, you know that, don't you Clary? If there is anything wrong, you know I will always be there to help you, right?" she said so honestly that I almost started crying. "Jeah Izzy, I know… Thank you" I said, my voice nearly breaking. She smiled again and this time, most of the concern was washed away from her eyes. "I would hug you right now, but I wouldn't want to ruin my nails…" she said laughingly, which yielded her a sarcastic eye roll from my side. "Unbelievable…" I muttered quasi irritated, but she knew I loved her anyway.

For the rest of the day, I felt like Izzy's personal Barbie doll as she dragged me around the city. Manicures, pedicures, massages… The list went on and on, and after a while I just stopped boggling and accepted whatever she was doing. I mean, if I had to choose between Izzy's torments or talking with Jace, I would choose the former without a doubt.

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><p>I looked at the blanket that was draped over the full length mirror in Izzy's room and looked slightly frowning at Izzy who was rumbling in a drawer. "Come on, Izzy, I have done everything you wanted, the least you can do is showing me the end result…" I complained. "Just one second…" she said, and I rolled my eyes. She had been saying that for the last 5 minutes and I was growing impatient. "Izzy…" I said warning, doubting about just taking away the blanket myself, until she interrupted me. "Aha!" she said, as she turned around with a pair of earrings. "These are just made for you…" she said with a smile while she stepped to the mirror. As I put them in my ears, I turned back to the mirror, suddenly nervous. I might not be a fashion queen, but I'm still a human being, so I secretly wanted to shine, even if it was for only one night… With a smile, Izzy tore away the blanket, and I gasped laud. I couldn't believe it… I looked so much like my mother! I turned to Izzy, my eyes filled with tears. "Thank you" was all I could say, and she hugged me carefully so she wouldn't ruin our outfits. She had made my eyes come out like bright, green stars and my curls were smooth and elegant draped over my shoulders. I mean, I still looked rather ordinary when I stood next to Izzy, who was beautiful as ever in her long silver dress with a deep split, but hey I couldn't expect miracles either right?. I looked again to my mirror image. I was happy I had bought the dress, cause I needed to admit that I looked… rather sexy.<p>

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><p>I kind of had the feeling that I was going to vomit, but I was pretty sure that Izzy would be pretty mad if I ruined her "masterpiece" (her words, not mine), so I just tried to focus on something else. But quickly, my mind wandered off to Jace, which didn't really helped to my stomach either… Luckily, it was time to go, so we all walked up to the limo -I know, a limo… they were just insane- and asked the driver James -I mean how cliché could they be?!- to drive us to the party… Maryse earlier had complimented me on my outfit and I was still blushing as we sat silently in the car. After Robert had mentioned that Jace would come later, the knot in my stomach had loosened up a bit. I knew it was just delay for what would happen, but at least I would have a few minutes of joy, right?<p>

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><p>We were talking with some young people at the party when I somehow sensed that Jace was arrived at the party. I nervously turned around and started to search him in the crowd, and soon, I had laid my eyes on his silhouette. I saw that a lot of girls were following him with their eyes, but Jace didn't seem to notice it as he was heading to our group. I was pretty sure that it was very obvious that I was staring at him, but I just couldn't help. He was dressed in a black smoking with a white shirt and a black bow tie which was… just unfairly attractive. I assumed that he had come with his motorcycle as his hair was all messy, and this just-out-of-bed-look just made him even sexier than he already was… I sighed internally: this would be a very interesting night…<p>

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

As I walked in, I immediately spotted Clary. She was looking around, as if she was searching someone, but here eyes stopped as she saw me. I tried not to show it, but I was just blown away by her appearance… I mean, God I knew that she was sexy, but this was just… unfair. It looked like she stood on fire, with her red curls and the red dress she had once showed to me, and I knew I was wrong… I had said that she would look sexy in it … but honestly she was just… smoking hot. I sighed: how could she expect me to hold my hands of her if she was looking like that?!

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><p><strong>Wooooeeeehooooeeew, hope you liked it :D I think that I'm gonna add some drama in the next chapter, how does that sound?! ;p love you all more than I love chocolate! :d xoxo N. <strong>


	18. Misunderstandings

**New chapter! :D Hope you like it :) Oh and you all now that all the rights belong to Cassandra Clare, right? :p oh and thanks to every single one of you who reviewed or hitted that like or favorite button :D **

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><p>As I was making my way to their group, I wondered about what to do… Ignore her? Or asking it straightforward? Demanding to talk with her in private? God, I hated this… I had never before been so… doubtful when it came to talking to a girl. Normally they just liked me instantly, I didn't really needed to do my best... But now… God she was just killing me. I had almost approached them, still doubting about what to do, when all of a sudden I didn't need to think at all… Since a -I had to admit it- rather good-looking young man was talking to her and leading her to the dance floor. "Shit" I swore soft, but I acted like I didn't care. And if there was anything I was good in, then it was acting like I didn't care… It felt bitter as I thought about the irony… it was my past, my past that had ruined so much, that was now saving me… "Better now feelings, than feelings of pain" said my father always, and right now I knew exactly what he meant.<p>

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

As I was dancing with this Sebastian, I tried to throw some glances at Jace who was talking to Izzy and Alec, and I felt how my heart was beating a hundred miles per minute. I mean, not that this Sebastian-guy wasn't handsome, not at all in fact, but hey… he wasn't my Jace, was he? As I looked again, I saw how Jace had started to talk with a bunch of beautiful girls who were clearly flirting with him, and I saw how he enjoyed the attention. My heart felt as if it was trampled by a hundred pair of stiletto heels, and I quickly looked away, trying to avoid an emotional breakdown in the middle of the dance floor. I lifted my head up, so I could see Sebastian a bit better, and tried to delete Jace from my system. I wouldn't let this night be ruined by a fucking womanizer who didn't give a shit about me. No, I was here to have some fun…

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

Clary was talking with the white-haired guy, and as I saw how he looked at her, I felt how a hot, burning sensation was running though my body. A little voice in my head was warning if this was how it felt to be jealous, but the main part of me was thinking about millions of ways -some a little more gruesome than others- to give that guy a lesson. I saw how his hands were way too low on her back, only by inches of skin and cloth separated of her buttocks (which I had to admit looked great in that dress of her) and anger was now running through my veins. Clary deserved much better than such an asshole, and soon enough, he would know that too…

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

As I was talking with Sebastian, I noticed how fluent it went… We could have a decent conversation without arguing, I felt at ease with him, and somehow he made me feel… special. Things were easy with him, and not as damn complicated as everything was with Jace. We talked about stupid things like our favorite food and our favorite colors and other trivial stuff, but I didn't felt stupid at all. It just felt … nice. I was in the middle of a story about my teacher of English, when I felt how his hands were slowly, but confident gliding lower and lower, until they almost lay on my buttocks. I took a meaningful glance at Sebastian, to ask what he was trying, but he just looked back with a dark sparkle in his eyes and an amused smile. I didn't have the idea that he was getting the right message, and I noticed how close our bodies were to each other. "Uhm Sebastian, what are you doing?" I asked a bit uncomfortable as I tried to take a step back, trying to enlarge the space between us, but I had clearly underestimated his power. His hands didn't move a finger and suddenly, the smooth sphere between us was completely gone. "Come on, Clary, don't try playing hard to get. You want it as much as I do." he said with his low voice, but it didn't sound sexy as how it had sounded with Jace. It sounded… threatening. "No, I don't!" I said firmly and benefitting of his moment of surprise –God what did I have with guys who never got rejected before?!- to walk away of the dance floor and into the crowd. But he was fast, faster than I had expected, and only seconds later, he grabbed my waist and pulled me into a darker corner of the ballroom. "Where are you going?" he asked puzzled, his hands still around my waist. I had the feeling that he had calmed down a bit, and my voice didn't sound scared anymore as I explained why I had run away from him. "I… I think you're a really nice guy Seb, but I… don't see you in that way…" I tried to explain subtle. "In what way?" he asked, and I looked meaningful at his hands that were still on my waist. "Ohhh, that way…" he said, and I felt how he felt a bit ashamed of himself. He was just taking his hands of me, when a pair of hands suddenly appeared on his wrists.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Her." Jace said with a voice full of suppressed anger. "Jace, it's not what you think!" I cut him off, but he ignored me as he pushed Sebastian against the wall. I saw how a shade of anger appeared in Sebastian's eyes, and I knew it would quickly escalate into a serious fight if I didn't handle quickly, and before I knew, I was putting myself between these two bodies full of testosterone. "Guys, calm down!" This is all a misunderstanding!" I looked at both of them, before I proceeded. "Jace, get your hands of Sebastian, he hasn't done anything wrong! And Seb, just keep calm, this is something between me and Jace."Oh, he's already "Seb" for you!" Jace sneered, and I rolled with my eyes. "Jace, you're overreacting!" I said, but this made it only worse. "Oh, I'm overreacting?!" he said, rage now really flaming in his eyes. "I'm sorry I thought you needed help Clary! I promise I will never help you again, because I wouldn't want to interrupt one of your "things" again, would I?!" He said sarcastically, almost spewing his words out as I he felt disgusted only talking to me. "What the hell-"I was yelling back, but he didn't even care and just turned around and walked away. I knew that some people were looking at us, and I turned around shamefully. "Clary, is everything all-?" Sebastian started to ask, but it cut him off, not caring about sounding rude or insane. "Everything is fine Sebastian; I just need to talk to some people… bye." I said quickly, as I almost run off. "Uhm bye…" was the last thing I heard, only partially noticing how he was still rubbing his wrists on the place where Jace had been holding them.

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><p>I needed to find Izzy or Alec so I could tell them that I would go home without making them suspicious so they would go with me… I needed to talk to Jace, and I was almost sure that I would find him at home, but I needed to do this alone so I didn't want the other Lightwoods to be there tooe… I didn't want them to hear the -more than possible- yelling that would go on. He didn't need to think that he could just act like that to me! I thought angry, though I couldn't shake of a feeling of unrest: I had never seen Jace like this before, and I hoped he didn't do anything stupid…<p>

I quickly noticed Izzy who was dancing… intensely with a handsome, brown-haired guy, and I saw how Alec was talking… no… laughing with some eccentric man with sparkles all over his body. The name "MAGNUS" was glittering on the back of his jacket, and it looked like they didn't would want their conversation to be interrupted, so I quickly turned around and made my way to the exit. In the meantime, I sent a text to them claiming that I was really tired and that James would bring me home, so that they would now where I was when they were searching me.

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><p>I stood in the front of the Institute and heard how James drove away behind me. I knew he needed to be stand-by at the Bane-party, but I had the irrational feeling that he was leaving me behind, and I felt really really small. All the way home, a fire of determination had been burning inside of me, but now, as I was looking at the huge building enveloped with dark shadows by the night and I remembered Jace expression right before he left, my burning flame had fade away.<p>

I closed my eyes and replayed everything that had happened that night, and I felt how my rage was making a comeback. I stomped up the steps to the front door and quickly opened the front door with my key. I closed the door behind me with a bang, and yelled "Jace Lightwood!" as loud as I could. "I'm here, and I'm coming for you!" I said, and my angry voice carried around the house. No one responded, so I stamped up the stairs and headed right to his room. By the Angel, no matter how much I wanted to avoid another fight with him, I would rather fight with him here than that he wouldn't be around. Cause I was rather angry at him than worried about him…

I didn't care if he was doing yoga, dancing around naked or killing someone in there, this time I would get answers… I threw his door open and entered his room without asking permission, even though I knew he hated it. "We. Need. To. Talk." I said, emphasizing every word, my eyes scanning the room for him. He stood in the bay window, with his back to the door, looking outside, and I wondered what he was trying to find in the dusk. He sighed deep before he turned around; "What do you want Clary?" he asked, his voice a mix of pain, hopelessness and tiredness. I abruptly held halt and involuntary held my breath. I had expected much… I had expected him to be angry, furious, annoyed, aggressive, or even emotionless, but I hadn't expected him to be… fragile. I looked into his eyes, and I felt how in those thick, high walls I had carefully been building around myself for years, were appearing more and more cracks, as if someone had finally found the right hammer to demolish me entirely...

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><p><strong>So I really wanna now what you guys think about this chapter, because I'm not sure if it was good enough :s I also hope that I can update soon, but I have a massive amount of homework that is waiting to consume me, so I'm not sure : and besides that, I'm still a bit doubting about what should happen next, so if you got idea's, you may always mention them! :D Lots of love xxx N.**


	19. Distractions

**Ok sooooo I am really nervous as I am posting this chapter! :p And that's all your fault because I just don't want to disappoint you! :s Sooooooo: here it is! I am praying to every single God I know that you guys will like it! :p**

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><p>I forgot everything I wanted to say at the moment I looked into those golden eyes of him. My head seemed completely empty and I laughed a joyless grin. "You just make everything so complicated, do you know that?" I asked seriously, but that clearly hadn't been the right thing to say. "Me? Oh right, I am the one who makes things complicated?!" he said in that sarcastic tone I knew too well. "It wasn't me who stood here in the middle of the night, crying her heart out, was it?! It wasn't me who left in the morning, only leaving a crappy note that didn't meant anything, was it?!" he continued, and I felt how I cringed a little bit. I knew all of this was true, but to hear it from his mouth… It just made it more painful and embarrassing.<p>

"I…" I started hesitantly, wanting to defend me against his words, but I stopped as I realized that he was completely right: I had been a complete bitch to him... "I know you won't believe me Jace, but I really am sorry for everything that happened. I have been a bitch to you, but I had my reasons. It's better like this, whether you want to believe it or not…" I said honestly, trying to sound firm and confident, but failing miserably.

"Oh so this is the 'better-option'? Because I remember almost punching some guy for you… So I don't think this was a great option to choose, was it?!" "But that wasn't my fault at all!" I objected. "You had no right! I was just dancing with him!" He laughed sarcastically: "He wasn't planning on just dancing with you, and you know that damn right!" I raised my shoulders. "And then?! That's my problem… Why do you even care?!" I said fake- carelessly. "Because it's you! It's not just some random girl he was bothering… it was YOU!" he said, his voice filled with emotion. "But why do you suddenly care?! You haven't talked to me in days, you didn't even looked at me, and now all of a sudden you are prince charming again?!" I was yelling now, too frustrated to keep my voice down. "Who said I ever stopped caring?! I'm not going to deny that I have done some incredibly dumb things, but that's what you do to me! It's your presence that makes me a complete fool, that makes me wanting to punch people's faces, that makes me lose my senses! So how can you blame me, when you are the reason for all of this?!" "Oh it's MY fault?!" I yelled at him. "How can you-" I started but he interrupted me swiftly. "Clary, I just practically declared my love for you… are you seriously going to ignore that, and talk about who is to blame for all this mess?" I opened my mouth to say something back, but only then his words were really processed by my brains. "Wait… What?" I asked confused. I must have heard something wrong, because this wasn't really possible, was it? He came closer and grabbed my hand, not breaking our eye-contact for a second. "I like you. Is that so hard to understand?" he said with a smile, and I just gasped for air.

I pulled my hand away. "But you can't!" I said shocked. "You can't want me Jace! You can't. Too many troubles…" I said almost desperate. I saw he wanted to counter it, but I didn't give him a chance to speak. "You once told me you liked Shakespeare's work because of the great metaphors, didn't you? Well I'll give you one myself, maybe then you will finally understand it!" I said, hoping to convince him that it was better to stay away from me. "Fine," he said, "convince me that you are not the best thing that has ever happened to me!" I took a deep breath before I began. "You and me, we are… we are… like the wind and the ocean." I paused a few seconds before I continued my plea. "We seem vivid and good on the outside, but there's a raw, dark edge, right under the surface. And when we get combined… than that raw edge becomes a dark, all-consuming force that will destroy us and everyone and everything around us." "Like a hurricane" he mumbled. "Exactly" I confirmed, and I was taken aback by the endless sadness in my voice. We stayed quiet for a long time, both lost in our own thoughts.

"It's a matter of perspective." He said quietly, and I wasn't even sure that he was talking to me or if he was just thinking out loud. "It's a matter of perspective" he said again, louder this time, and now he looked up at me. "You, you can only see the dark side of yourself, the bad side, because you cannot believe that you have a good side too. But I know it, I can see it. You ARE good. You are thoughtful and caring and understanding and… and you make a better person out of me." He took a deep breath before he continued. "Maybe we are like the wind and the ocean. But do you know the feeling of a slight summer breeze that caresses your face while you are floating on the unending waves of the ocean? It's the feeling of utter freedom, and it can only exist if wind and water are combined. Maybe we aren't a combination of destruction, but one of freedom… Maybe you and me, maybe we can free each other from our problems… " All the time his eyes had been hooked on mine and I had held my breath. I wished with all my heart that he was right. "But can we take such a gamble?" I tried to say, but it sounded more as a soft whisper than an actual question. "I would risk the world for you. Anytime." he answered firmly as he took my hands again. "When I am with you, everything seems better. The sun shines brighter, my problems seem little and unimportant and I feel … alive. And I don't want to go back at the life I had before I met you, I can't. I don't want to live like that anymore: acting like I don't care about anything but myself and trying to feel as little emotion as possible. I want to be alive, with you!" he finished his speech, pulling me closer to his body.

For a second I stood completely frozen, puzzled as I had no idea what I needed to do. My heart and mind were fighting about what was right and what was wrong, and eventually, I turned away from him with my last willpower. As I looked out of the window I smiled sadly: "See," I sighed, "you make everything so complicated!". I sighed again, my body still fighting an inner war, and I wondered who would win. My heart that was telling me to kiss him, right here, right now? Or my brains who knew that my secrets would kill him, just as they were killing me? I heard how he came closer to me, and I felt how my body was longing for his touch. "Why can't I just hate you? Why don't you just let me hate you?!" I asked almost desperate. "Because it is just impossible not to love me…" He said, and I could hear him smirking.

"You are just incredible! I am trying to say something serious and you just-" I said, but my words faded away as he brushed the hair off my shoulder and slowly put his lips against my collarbone. "You think too much, do you know that?" he said as he slowly moved his lips up and down my shoulder. "You're gonna be my death someday…" I said as I felt how goose bumps ran over my entire body. "You see: too much thinking Red… Why don't you just stop pondering about everything for once? Just do whatever you want!" "And you think that's gonna work in your favor?" I said teasingly as I turned around, looking right into his peering eyes that were only inches away from me. "Oh I bet it does…" he said with cheeky arrogance as a smile lightened up his face, and I felt how my knees started to tremble. It was just not fair how cute he was when he did that little grin of him… And above that we were so… close: I could feel the heat radiating from his body and his breath gently stroking my cheek. I pushed him playful away, partly because he was just messing with me, partly to create some space between us, because I knew I was about to kiss him straight away.

But Jace wouldn't be Jace if he just let him push away… He grabbed my wrists faster than lightning and in the same movement he pulled me right into his arms. "Are you already having some fun?" he said with a smile, while my heart skipped a beat. "Hmmm I'm not quite sure" I said, my voice more stable than I actually felt. "Oh, aren't you?!" he said teasingly as he pulled me even closer, eliminating the last space between our bodies. "Jace, I don't think this is a good idea…" I said once again, even though I knew that I had already let it go way too far. "Then don't think!" he answered with a smile. "Come on Clary! Just let yourself go for once!" "Hah, that's easier said than done!" I complained. "Maybe it's not that hard…" he mentioned casually, and I could see a naughty glint appear in his eyes. "Maybe you just need a good distracter…" he added, his tone no longer playful but just bluntly seductive, and with those words he bent down and kissed me.

And he had been right, again, because as soon as he touched my lips, I forgot everything around me. There was only him, and he was everywhere, as if I was immersed in my own personal Jace-cocktail. One arm was curled around my waist and pushed me firmly against his waist while his other hand was playing with my hair; his delicious scent surrounded me from all sides, and his lips… God those lips… There had been a thousand reasons to stay away from him, but right now they had all disappeared in thin air, and it just felt… right. I couldn't stop myself any longer and I answered his kiss passionately. Before I knew it, I stood on my tiptoes with my arms laying around his neck to get as close as I could to his lips, and I wanted nothing else but him… Not breaking the kiss for a second, I grabbed his shirt and pushed him further until he stood with his back against one of the walls, but softly groaning he quickly switched me around, changing our positions. Now I was the one who was crushed between the wall and his body, and I felt how he was smiling against my lips.

A few minutes later, we needed to break the kiss, both gasping for air, and we smiled as lunatics to each other while we both tried to catch our breath. "That was… insane." I brought out. "Insanely good or insanely bad?" he asked smirking as he started placing a trail of light kisses from my shoulder up to my neck, making my knees feel like pudding. I felt a shiver ran through my body and I gasped as his lips reached the sensitive spot under my ear. "Good" I answered with a smile. "Definitely, undoubtedly, insanely good." And after that, my lips were way to busy to say anything else.

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><p>As I was making out with Jace, I decided that I had finally found my most favorite way of spending time… I had the feeling that I could do it all day, and I had the feeling that we both wouldn't mind… Sadly, all too soon we were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Jace? Can I come in?" Izzy said, and Jace and I simultaneously froze. "Come on Jace, open that door, I'm waiting! I know you're there, I can see the lamp is on…"she said, her voice sounding a bit … intoxicated. "God Jace she can't know!" I whispered in panic. "God why does she have such a terrible timing every time!" he answered to me before he turned around and shouted to the door: "I'm coming Izzy, give me a minute!" I looked at his face in confusion: "What are you doing?!" I whisper-shouted. "Trust me Clary!" he said while he gently caressed my cheek. "You just got to hide for a few minutes while I'll brush her off." I sighed because I knew he was right. "Ok fine, but if she finds out anything about us, I'll kill you!" I threatened. He gave me a smile: "Trust me, she won't… Now just hide!". And with those words he turned around and stepped to his door. I quickly looked around, trying to find a good hiding place, and cursed Jace for his clean room. "Why can't you have some junk in your room like every normal human?! How can I ever hide in here?" He turned around, his hand on the doorknob. "Then use the bed!" he said with a cheeky grin. Hmmm he was clearly having way too much fun with this! "Come on Jace! I am waiting!" Izzy said annoyed and probably about to enter the room without permission, so I quickly crept under the bed. The last thing I saw before I heard Izzy come in, was Jace shirt that fell on the ground before the bed, and I wondered even more what he was planning to do…<p>

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><p><strong>Please don't keep me in suspense and let me know what you think about the last chapter before I die from a heart attack :p! xxx N.<strong>


	20. Drunken in love

**OK I'm soooo sorry that you needed to wait so long for another chapter, you have my permission to (mentally) kill me :p But hey at last I updated, right? :D**

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><p>"What's wrong Iz?" I heard him say as soon as the door was opened, and I couldn't help but notice that he seemed really irritated. Apparently I wasn't the only one who didn't appreciate her interruption, and secretly I had to admit that I was really flattered by his reaction…<p>

"I just want to have a little talk with you Jace... I really need to say something." She said loudly and slightly lisping. Well, I guess there was free champagne at the party… He sighed loudly, clearly showing that he wasn't happy with it, before he let her in. "Well hurry up then, I was just planning to go to bed…" he said as he closed the door. Phuh! Going to bed, yeah right! I thought by myself as I followed Izzy's feet with my eyes: she was not just tipsy, she was totally wasted! I heard how she plumped down on the bed and tried to be as silent as I could. I had no idea what she would say if she found me under Jace's bed. God I didn't even knew myself what I was doing under his bed! It seemed all so surrealistic…

"Welllll…" she started, but then she remained silent. "Sooo…" she started again, but again she stopped. "Izzy?" Jace said, and even though his voice sounded mostly irritated and warning, I still could hear how he was slightly concerned about her. Not that it was the first time she was drunk, hell no, but she would always be his "little" sister he needed to protect… "Okay okay, I'm just gonna say it!" she said, and after that she started an entire flood of words that didn't seem to stop. The fact that she was drunk didn't help a lot, so she was mainly talking about stuff that really didn't make sense, but at a certain moment she said something that made me almost burst out in laughter. "… And you know Jace? I really think you should be a bit friendlier to Clary! Make her feel at home and all that stuff. So she has the feeling that she is welcome and wanted and loved by ALL of us… You're just so mean to her!" she said, but even before Jace could answer she flied of to how her shoes hurt and that she was so tired. I could help but grin: Trust me Izzy, he had made me feel more than welcome…

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><p>After five more minutes of Izzy's monologue, Jace finally managed to get her out of his room. Only after she had finally promised that she would go straight to her room, he closed the door and leaned against it with his back. As I left my hiding place and sat down on the bed, he heaved a sigh and closed his eyes. "Ok, that was a bit-" "Hilarious?" I finished his sentence, still grinning as I thought about all the crazy things she had been saying. "Hmmm I was more thinking about something like 'embarrassing' or 'awkward'… Are you sure you heard everything clear?" he asked "If you're talking about how she talked about that 'one girl that you screwed because you were trying to show you friend that she was a slut' or that one time that you cried because Izzy had taken away your cuddle toy, than I certainly did!" "See, awkward!" He took a little pause. "God Clary, I really hope you aren't mad, because that first story really isn't true! I mean I only kissed her to prove my point! I didn't…" "Screw here?" He nodded ashamed as he came closer: "Really Clary, I swear it on my parents' grave! I did not have sex with that girl!" As he brought up his parents, I immediately knew he was being honest. "Hey! It's fine! I believe you!" I said as I grabbed his hand. "But I got to admit that there was something she said that made me think…" He immediately looked worried. "What? You can ask me anything!" "Well…" I said, acting insecure and ashamed, "I think you should be a bit more welcoming to me!"<p>

His eyes widened as he noticed that I had been messing with him, and at this point, I could no longer hold my laughter. "Oh you cruel creature!" he shouted out, as he picked me up and threw me on the bed. There followed an entire tickle-attack, and I was begging him for mercy. When he finally stopped, I couldn't help but giggle-whisper "That's not so welcome of you Jace!" which sadly enough yielded me another tickle-attack. But it was definitely worth it…

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><p>A few minutes later we were laying down next to each other on his bed, staring at the ceiling and both heavily breathing. "I got a question for you…" I said as rolled on my side, leaning against the mattress with my elbow. He raised his eyebrows sarcastically. His wary attitude made me laugh, and laying my hand on my heart, I promised it was a serious question this time. He rolled his eyes and said "Shoot it, little drama queen!", but he didn't sound angry or irritated. He said it warm and lovingly, and my heart melted a bit as I looked into his eyes. "Why did you took off your shirt?" I asked, trying to concentrate on anything else but his bare chest that was so close to me. He laughed his husky laugh and answered: "I thought it would be more convincing to Izzy… That it would look as if I was planning to go to bed, so that she wouldn't bother me for too long." "Bother you?" I said with a smile. "Yes, bother me. I was doing something way more pleasant, and I was hoping to get back to it soon…" He laughed seductive at me, and I could not help blushing as I noticed the underlying meaning of his words. Not wanting to make it too easy for him, I retaliated: "And you thought that a bare chest would speed up the process… didn't you?" For a second he looked as if he was a little boy who had just been busted as he wanted to steal a cookie, and I laughed. "You know what?" I said, as I leant closer to him. "You were totally right…" and with that I brought my mouth even closer to his lips, my hands resting on his chest. He looked surprised as he followed my attempts to be seductive, and for once, it seemed like he was speechless. I closed the space between our lips, but at the last second, it turned away and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. "Goodnight Jace, I said with a triumphant smile, before I got of the bed. "Wait, what? Where are you going Clary?" he asked as he quickly climbed out the bed and followed me through the room. "I'm going to my room Jace… What did you think? That I was going to have sex with you tonight? I'm not a slut!" I said slightly offended. "Of course not! God why are you always so fiery?! I just wanted you to stay a little longer!" Now I was the one who felt as if I was rapped on the knuckles. I sighed guilty. "I'm a little bit of a drama queen, aren't I?" I said, and he smiled as he took me in his arms. "A little bit?" he asked teasingly. "Don't push your luck buddy!" I answered as I pushed him playful away. "I would not dare Ma'am!" he said as he held me even closer. "I'm just whishing my girl goodnight!" he laughed, before he gave me a long, knees-trembling kiss.<p>

"Oh? That was 'just a goodnight?' for you?" I asked out of breath as we eventually broke the kiss. "It's not my fault you are looking so sexy in that dress of yours!" he said as his hand was running over the bare skin of my back. "Ha! You just don't got any self-restraint!" I said, before I quickly turned away from him. "I'm going, before you attack me again!" I said teasingly as I walked outside. Before I closed the door, I turned around for a last time. "Goodnight Jace." I whispered, and as he whispered back "Goodnight Clary", I slowly closed the door. A smile was plastered on my face, and I had the feeling that it would not disappear any soon…

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><p><strong>Ok PLEAAAAAASE tell me your ideas for the rest of the story because I really need it! :p This chapter was really hard to write, and I don't even know why :( And I'm having a hard time figuring out in which direction I wanna send the story, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me what's on your mind! xxx lovies N.<strong>


	21. The morning after

**Woooohoooow new chaaapteeeer! :) Hope you like it guys! anyway EVERYONE WHO HAS LIKED/FAVORITED/REVIEWED: THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU ARE ALL AMAZING AND I LOVEEEEEEE YOU ALL! :D**

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

That night, I had slept like a baby, and in the morning it felt reborn. The last nights, I had worried so much about Clary and me that sleep had seemed like an old friend from a distant past… But this morning, I felt wide awake, and a warm, joyful feeling was spreading through my body as I thought about Clary. My Clary. I quickly took a shower and grabbed some clothes before I got out. I knew it was only 9 am and Izzy, Alec and my parents would probably still be in bed, but Clary mostly was up early… I was hoping that the others would sleep another few hours, so I could spend some more time in private with Clary without being interrupted by any family member…

As I knocked on Clary's door, a sudden hesitation struck me: what if she was thinking different about last night? If she thought that it was all a mistake? God… maybe she didn't even like me and just… But luckily I could not finish that thought as Clary opened the door. She wore a blue jeans with a green pull that made her emerald eyes lit up, and she looked… adorable. Her hair was wet, so I assumed she had already taken a shower too, and a slight blush colored her cheeks soft pink. "Hey" I said, and I cursed myself for saying something so dumb and meaningless. "Hi" she said softly, and with her eyes on the ground she continued shyly: "Come in".

I hated the doubts that were making my head go crazy, and I decided that I would not even give her the chance to change her mind about yesterday. And with that, I stepped right in front of her and gave her a long, loving kiss as I closed the door behind me. "Good morning beautiful." I said, my head leaning against hers, and she smiled radiant as she heard my words. "I could get used to morning greetings like this" she said, and I laughed loudly. "I bet you do!" I teased her as I laid my arms around her and pulled her even closer to me. She laid her head on my chest and her small arms curled around my waist. As I rested my head on her head, I couldn't help but notice how… normal this all felt. As if this was the only right way to life my life, and I had only found it out now. After a few minutes she broke our cuddle and took my hand. "Come on, I got a little gift for you!" she said as she placed me on her bed and started rumbling in the drawer of her nightstand. "What kind of gift do you lay next to your bed?" I said with a wink, and she paused her rumbling for a moment to give me a light thump. "Ugh! Boys really can't think about anything else, can they?!" she said, but I could see she was more amused than indignant. "That's not my fault!" I retaliated quickly: "You shouldn't be so-" but I was cut off by her laugh. I looked surprised, and still laughing she said: "No Jace, you are not going to make such a cheap compliment!". I smiled as I grabbed her and pulled her on my lap. "But it's the truth!" I whispered in her ear and she shook her head. "Enough lady-killer, or you will never get your present!" even though she did gave me a little kiss on my lips. Before I could grab her, she was already again away from me, finally finding my gift in her drawer.

"Aha! Found it!" she said, as she took a blue little thing out of her drawer. She smiled as she turned around, and only now I recognized the thing she was holding. "A USB stick?" I asked surprised, and at the moment I said it, I saw how shame and doubt washed away the joy in her eyes. "Euhm… yeah… I mean I…" she stuttered, not able to get out her words. "I had put some music on it and… " she brought out, and softer, more against herself she went on: "Never mind, it was just something stupid, I…" I saw how embarrassed she was, as she was turning away from me trying to hide her feelings -again- and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. "Clary, what's wrong?" I asked as I gently took her hand and lead her to the bed. She sat down next to me, and I saw how she was fighting back her tears. "Nothing… It's fine Jace. Forget it." she said, her voice sounding firm, but I knew she was only acting. "Come on Clar, tell me wha-" But then it struck me, and I could literally kill myself at that moment. "Clary? You didn't actually think I did not want your gift, did you?" I asked her as I lifted her head so I could look her in the eyes. She tried to look away, but I didn't let her as I rubbed her cheek gently. "My crazy little Clary! How could you think that I would ever turn down something you gave to me? How could you think that from me? I'm not an unfeeling asshole, am I?" A little smile broke through: "Aren't you?" she said sarcastically, and I laughed as I noticed she was teasing me again. "You are unbelievable! Such a wonderful, attractive, perfect guy is sitting right in front of you, and all you do is trying to piss him of? Kind of a strange way of seducing, I got to admit." "Who says I'm trying to seduce you?" she said smiling, but I could see that the sadness hadn't yet completely left her eyes. "Because I'm secretly wishing that you do…" I said with a smile.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

"But did you really make me a USB-stick with music? He asked, and I felt how I got insecure again. I nodded, afraid that I wouldn't be able to rely on my voice. "That is the sweetest thing someone has ever done to me…" he said, and he looked at me with such an emotional look that I almost believed him. Almost. "You don't need to say that Jace, I'm not so weak that I can't handle the rejection of a stupid gift…" I said, even though I knew that was a lie. "Clary, I'm not lying! I know you're strong and independent, and I know that you're not weak, trust me. But honestly, this I the most personal thing anyone ever gave to me, and I love it, because I can't imagine a better personality to discover than yours." I swallowed as he spoke, and I practically jumped into his arms. "You are the sweetest, kindest, most amazing person I've ever met." I admitted, my face hidden in his t-shirt, and he curled his arms around me. "You should not flatter me like this, imagine that I would turn me into a cocky, conceited person? Horrible!" He said in faked horror as he gave me a little kiss on my forehead. "Too late…" I said, and he laughed that warm, deep, sexy laugh of him. I reached behind me, grabbed the USB-stick on my night standard and gave it to him, still a bit unsure about my little 'gift'. "I know it's not expensive or special but-" I said, but he cut me off quickly. "It's perfect." He finished my sentence, and I laughed shyly as I rested against his chest. Sitting there in his arms, I knew I could no longer deny it… I wasn't ready yet to say it out loud, but I could no longer hide it from myself: I loved him.

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><p>As Izzy stood up that day, she felt her head pounding like crazy. "Great" she muttered as she got out of her bed and reached the bathroom, greedily drinking some tap water. As she looked up in the mirror, she saw what a mess her face was: leftovers of mascara and lipstick spread over her entire face, her hair a mess and serious bags under her eyes. And her head! Why had she been drinking so much last night? And then she remembered it: the poisoned gift of free champagne… Really, that was the deadliest gift anyone could give her: she simply couldn't resist it! She tried to remember more from the night before, but everything seemed like a blur… "Well done Iz!" she sighed as she filled a bath with hot, foamy water. By the Angel, this would be a very long day…<p>

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><p>As Alec woke up that day, he was smiling as a lunatic when he thought about the night before. That Magnus-guy was… incredible. He was longing to see him again, but he knew he couldn't… He was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing things he… he had never done before… How could he ever tell it to his parents if it came out? Or to Jace and Isabelle? He shook his head as he fell down on his mattress again. They wouldn't understand… He closed his eyes again. No, he could never see Magnus again in real life, but at least he could dream about him…<p>

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><p><strong>Ok so what did you think? :) In one of the next chapters I'm gonna reveal a bit of their past, but I'm not yet sure how I will... Any ideas? lovies xxx N.<strong>


	22. Broken boundaries

**I know! I'm a terrible person for not updating sooner, but please just bare with me... :) At least I wrote a chapter, rigth? :)**

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><p>I had been laying in Jace's arms for almost 20 minutes when my stomach started rumbling so loud that it was probably audible for the entire continent. Ashamed, I hided my face in his t-shirt, realizing that my last hope on being at least a bit sexy in front of him had just disappeared. "It appears that it's time for some breakfast" he laughed as he picked me up and hold me in his arms, and even though I had been red of shame only seconds ago, I couldn't help but laugh. "What are you doing Jace? I still can stand on my own two feet you idiot!" I asked, and I tried to sound stern, even though I was secretly melting as I laid in his strong, muscular arms. "Come on! Are you really going to deny that you love it to be carried around like this by me?" he said with a smile as we were walking through the hallways. Or I mean, he was walking, and I was just lazily resting in his arms. "Ok I might enjoy it a little bit…" I said as I gave him a slight kiss against his throat. "But you are seriously making me one of the laziest people in the world…" "I don't mind if you're the laziest person in the world, as long as you keep rewarding me like this." he said with a wink. "Like what?" I said as my lips moved slowly against his throat. "You are pure evil" he stated, before walking into the kitchen and gently placing me onto the kitchen table. "But I like it…" he smiled as he gave me a quick kiss on my lips.<p>

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><p>As I was having breakfast with Jace, Maryse and Robert came in the kitchen. We both had thought that they were still fast asleep, but apparently they had been up for quite some time. Maryse, who worked as a lawyer had dropped some files off at her office, after which she and Robert had went to the bakery. They had baguettes with them and the delicious smell of freshly baked bread filled the room. Unfortunately, I had already eaten so much that I almost exploded, and I alleged that that wouldn't be a very pleasant spectacle to watch... "Uhm Maryse and Robert, would it be alright if I went for a swim right now?" I asked, as I looked forward to take a refreshing dip in the pool in the backyard. "Of course sweetheart, that's why we built it, didn't we?" Robert said, and I smiled as I stood up and left the kitchen. Only seconds later Jace followed, as he had stated that he was finished eating too, and he quickly caught up in the corridors. "I would love to take a swim with you, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to keep my hands of you if you are wearing so little clothing…" he whispered, laying his hand on my waist. "Well I think you might be right…" I whispered back –not wanting his parent s to hear anything of our little conversation- as I took his hand and pushed it of my body. "So I think we should train your self-restraint a bit, isn't that a great idea?" I said, a teasing grin on my face as I walked into my room. I mean, not that I did not like it when he touched me like that, but I wasn't planning on making it too easy for him either… The last thing I heard as I closed the door swiftly behind my back was the perplexed voice of Jace: "But… What?"<p>

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><p>As I searched for my new bikini I had bought with Izzy, I couldn't stop myself from singing along with the music that was blasting from my iPod. It was insane how Jace totally flipped my world around, making it seem like one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen. For the first time in months I was truly happy, and it made me confused and over the moon at the same time. I sang along with Katy Perry as I put on my bikini and got ready for a swim:<p>

_Before you met me, I was all right  
>But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life<br>Now every February you'll be my valentine, valentine_

_You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream  
>The way you turn me on, I can't sleep<br>Let's run away and don't ever look back  
>Don't ever look back<em>

_My heart stops when you look at me  
>Just one touch, now baby I believe<br>This is real, so take a chance  
>And don't ever look back, don't ever look back<em>

I was still humming around as I stood in front of the Lightwoods swimming pool. For a moment, I was completely frozen, realizing how much my life had changed in a few months…I had gone from poor to rich, from lonely to beloved and most of all from miserable to happy… "Only a shame that you needed to pay such a high price…" a voice inside my head whispered, and I felt how a shiver ran down my spine. I had forbidden myself to think about that, and I was determined to not break that promise. "You're fine Clary I said to myself. He can't hurt you anymore. You're safe now." I soothed myself as I took deep breath. I dove into the refreshing water, gagging all the depressing voices in my head and trying to think about absolutely nothing. I felt how the repetitive motions relaxed my body and the quietness cleared my head, and I kept swimming until I couldn't feel my arms and legs anymore.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I looked out of my window and saw how she was sitting on the border of the swimming pool. Her wet hair, almost a shade darker by humidity, almost touched the ground and her face was directed towards the September-sun that stood high up in the sky. Even though the sun didn't emit as much heat as in the summer, she still seemed to enjoy it and didn't seem cold at all. I let my eyes glide over her body, from her closed eyes to her tiptoes she was wiggling slightly. Her beauty was indescribable, as she laid there in her violet bikini that showed all of her beautiful curves. I knew she would never believe it, but her body looked like it was sculpted by God itself. I could not put into words how she had totally bewitched me: I couldn't think about anything else but her, day and night, and I didn't even mind! I loved it! Just as I loved her…

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><p>Alec's POV<p>

I stepped into the garden, wanting to clear my head from the questions that had been troubling me the entire morning, as I saw how Clary was sitting on the edge of the pool. She clearly was enjoying the last sunrays before winter was coming, and I was jealous as I saw how carefree she looked. As I walked up to her, she opened her eyes and looked a t me, and I knew she was surprised to see me here with her. I didn't usually talk to her that much, and I was pretty sure she assumed that I didn't like her that much, but she was entirely wrong… She was an amazing person and she deserved the best, but I was kind of… intimidated by her. She seemed so strong, never afraid to state her opinion or take a fight, and I admired her for that… I would never be like that…

"Hey Clary" I said as I stood next to her, not sure if she would mind if I sat down next to her. "Hey Alec!" she looked up to me and smiled. "Come on, sit down, it's a lovely day." She said while she pointed with her hand to the place at her left side. "You don't mind?" I asked, surprised by her friendliness. It was incredible how friendly and kind she was, without coming through weak or powerless. "Not at all!" she smiled, and I uncomfortably sat down next to her. She had closed her eyes again, and for a few minutes we just sat down to each other in silence enjoying the sun that was still warming us, even though it was already September… I noticed how the silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but just… pleasant. "Uhm, can I ask you something Clary?" I asked, and she looked as surprised as I felt. "Sure Alec, what's wrong?" she asked, still a bit reticent, and I noticed how she was biting her under lip. "I…" I started, but I stopped, not knowing what I was doing. Was I really gonna ask her opinion? As my mind still doubted, my body clearly took over, because only second later I started talking again, this time finally producing an entire sentence. "I've met someone at the party yesterday… and that person gave me a paper with a phone number and the sentence 'Call me if you're ready'…" "Than what's the problem?" She asked curious. "Don't you like her?" Inwardly I laughed bitterly as I noticed how she automatically assumed I was in love with a girl, but I didn't blame her. I had been lying for years, and even my own family hadn't noticed anything yet… "No, that's not the problem… The problem is my parents. They will never approve this possible relationship…" Al the time I hadn't been looking at the pool, but now I looked into her eyes, and I saw how she was processing everything I had told her. "I don't know what to do Clary…" I said, and I sounded as desperate as I felt inwardly. She rubbed her hair out of her face as she was thinking, and somehow I knew she wasn't taking this lightly. "Follow your hart Alec… That's the only thing I can advice… Don't ever let anyone else determine your path, not even your parents… Trust me, it's not worth it. You can only be yourself, and if you don't like them: screw them. Don't get me wrong, I totally love your parents, they're amazing, really! But it's your life… and only you can live it… Don't live with regrets Alec, live like there's no tomorrow." She stopped abruptly, as she had just realized that she had been saying this all at loud against a guy she didn't even know that well… "I'm sorry" she apologized, and I saw how shame was written all over her face. "You probably aren't waiting for any advice of me… I just wanted to help y-" she was rattling, but I quickly interrupted her. "Clary, don't be sorry! I wouldn't be sitting here as I didn't want your advice, would I?" I asked, and I saw how a little smile lightened up her face. "Did you really come to me for advice?" she asked timidly. "Yes!" I said, and at the moment I said it, I knew it was true. Someway, I trusted her, and my body had known that earlier than my head. "Yes, I was, and you have helped me more than you will ever know! Thank you so much!" I said as I stood up quickly. She was right! This was MY life. Only mine. "Wait what? What are you gonna do Alec?" she asked confused, and I could hear how she was worrying about me. "I'm sorry Clary, I need to go… I need to make a call" I shouted back as I walked into the house and almost raced to my room. I was tired of being the perfect son: it was time to LIVE…

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><p><strong>I'm dieing to hear what you thought of it! Was it alright to have an Alec-POV? TELL ME please, so I now if I'm doing it right or not! I so don't wanna dissapoint you guys! I love you all soooo much :) xxx N.<strong>

**PS I knew I promised to reveal some things about their pasts, and I'm working on it, but it needs to fit in the story, right?**


	23. Expectations

**New chapter! :) I know I haven't updated very soon, but I had no inspiration :( So so sorry :( btw the song I mention is "Love Is All I Got" by Feed Me and Crystal Fighters :)**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I had no idea what I was doing. I was walking through the corridors and heading for Jace's room, and my thoughts were whirling around in my head like a tornado in the mid of June: fierce, fast, and entirely random. I didn't know what to do about this boy, this golden wonder that was changing my fate entirely. But if this change was for better or worse, that was a mystery for both of us... One thing was clear: there were a lot of things that needed to be clarified, and I wasn't exactly the most patient person around…

I knocked on his door, partly wishing that he wouldn't be here since I was a coward and was still figuring out what to say. I mean, I liked him, that was an understatement… but being with him… that was something entirely else. Apparently, luck wasn't on my side, because way to soon he opened the door and his golden eyes were peering into mines. "Already missing me?" he grinned, and I shook my head in disbelief. That boy… he really deserved some lessons in humbleness! But that didn't changed my feelings though. "Never." I said, and then I kissed him with all the passion I had in me. We stumbled for a moment, before I broke the kiss and took a step back. "Meet me at The Old Duck at 3 o'clock." Was all I said, before I turned around and headed for my room.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

She had already closed the door, but I was still looking at the spot where she had stood only seconds ago. Where WE stood. The same lips that had been touched by her divine lips, were now opened in an expression of bewilderment. She was the only girl who ever talked at me like that -except for Izzy and Maryse maybe, but that was different- and she had been sexier than ever. Her beautiful emerald eyes wide awake, her blood-red hair as burning flames around her head and a towel that concealed less skin that she probably liked and her words that where sharper than the cutting edge of a blade. It seemed like I had finally found my match… "Meet me at The Old Duck at 3 o'clock." she had said… or even better: she had commanded. Hmmmm, I would definitely be there…

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

On my way to my room, I passed Izzy and I was surprised by her looks. I mean, I knew she was beautiful, but it was insane how she could still look great after being so wasted like last night. I was entirely sure that she had a terrible headache, but that just did not seem like a reason to be less amazing than ever. "Don't judge me!" was all she said as she got near me, and I could help but laugh and roll my eyes. There really wasn't anything to judge… "I wouldn't dare, Iz." I joked, but honestly… I wouldn't... She could be really scary if she wanted to, honestly! "But how was your night?" I asked, curious if she remembered anything from last night. "Well…" she laughed, "I don't really remember much…". "Izzy! Really you're such a bad person!" "Well, girls just wanna have fun right?"she replied quickly. "By the way, I saw your message this morning… Why were you gone so early?"

For a moment I doubted: did I need to tell her? Or should I just shut my mouth? I didn't want to lie to her, but… I mean I wasn't even sure myself what was happening between me and Jace… "I was just tired and I had a headache." I invented quickly. "Oh that's such a shame… I mean, I might not remember much, but I do remember that it was a pretty good party." "For you every party with free champagne is a good party…" I retaliated quickly, and she burst out in laughing. "I'm not going to deny that my dear!" she brought out, and now we were both laughing out loud. "But talking about hangovers, I'm gonna go back to my bed… my head needs some rest… Oh and Clary, promise me that you will never let me drink champagne again! It's a vile drink… "she said, while looking so serious that I almost believed her. "I don't think I'm strong enough to stop you, addicts are stronger than you would expect." I answered, and still laughing I turned around and walked away. "I'm not an addict!" she shouted fake mad back, but we both knew I was just teasing her. "XOXO you know you love me!" shouted back, and with her laughter still resounding in my ears, I finally reached my room.

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><p>I had been bathing for at least an hour, the hot water enveloping my entire body and the smell of roses –I really loved bath foam, really the most amazing invention ever- that calmed my thoughts. I had put my IPod on shuffle, and all of a sudden 'Love Is All I Got' started playing. The melody always stuck in my head and I couldn't help but slightly move my feet on the rhythm of the song.<p>

_Love is all I've got_

_I can live with everything I've lost_

_Cause love will come to save us all_

_So save us all_

_We can soar with love in the morning_

_Feed your soul with love to the evening_

_Expand your soul with love on the weekend_

_Cause love is all I've got_

I had always loved this song by Feed Me, but only now I realized I had never really listened to the lyrics. I mean, I knew it was about love, but I had never really thought about what they were saying… I closed my eyes to concentrate myself even more on the song, and I tried to understand every word that was sung.

_My darling I can give you what you want if what you want is love _

_Darling I can give you what you want_

_If what you want is love_

_So save us all_

_I can give you what you want_

_If all that you want is love_

_And baby I can give you what you need_

_If all that you need is my love_

_We can soar with love in the morning_

_Feed your soul with love to the evening_

_Expand your soul with love on the weekend_

_Cause love is all I've got_

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

Never before, it had taken me so long to get ready for a date. I had taken a long shower, it had taken me hours to find the right outfit –a black jeans with a green shirt with a V-neck- and I had brushed my teeth more thoroughly than ever,… I had done everything I could to look as great as I could, without showing that I had put that much effort in it, and was now sitting on my desk, waiting until it was time to go. God, I had never been so nervous for a date before… I mean, at least, I assumed it was a date, because honestly I had no idea what it actually was... She had been looking so serious… I mean she wouldn't kiss me if she did not like what was going on, would she? And, I couldn't have done anything wrong within the 12 hours and 43 minutes –not that I was counting- that we were together, right? "Ok calm down Lightwood! It's gonna be fine!" I said out loud, trying to shut the doubting voices in my head. I really needed something to distract me… I took my iPod for the millionth time today and started listening to the playlist Clary had made for me, and I felt how my muscles immediately loosened up.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

As I arrived 5 to three at The Old Duck, I spotted Jace in front of the building, leisurely sitting on a bench. He was listening to his IPod and he seemed lost in thought as I approached him. A little smile was playing around his lips, and enlarged into an almost cheerful smile as he finally saw me. "Hey" he said while he paused the music on his iPod and stood up, a smile still visible in his eyes. "Hey" I greeted back and for a moment we didn't know what to do. We stood too close to each other to be strangers, but too far away to be lovers, and we both hesitated for a moment, unsure about what the other was thinking. Suddenly Jace broke the silence and with a passionate: "Fuck this, I just wanna kiss you…" he closed the space between us and gave me a long passionate kiss, his arms holding me as if he would protect me from everything that could ever happen. As we broke off the kiss a few minutes later, we were both clearly heated by the moment. "I think we can use a drink now…"Jace mentioned waggish, after which he leaded me into the bar, his arm curled around my waist and a grin on our faces.

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><p><strong> Ok I know this was a short chapter, but I thought it would be better to stop here and then make an entire chapter around the conversation they're gonna have next :D I'm gonna try to give a little more background in the next chapter since a lot of you asked that :) But I have also bad news... My exams are starting, so I probably wont be able to update for the next 2 weeks :( I will try, but I can't promise guys... I hope you can all understand this :) But after that, I'll have vacation, so I will try to update more then! :) Lovies xxx N.<strong>


	24. Pink promises

**I know it... I am a terrible person for not updating sooner :( but my exams are finally done and I will try updating regularly from now on! Please don't hate me too much for my slow writing because I still love all of you! :D And thank you soooooo much to everyone who reviewed my story or hit that like/favorite button! :)**

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><p><em>Suddenly Jace broke the silence and with a passionate: "Fuck this, I just wanna kiss you…" he closed the space between us and gave me a long passionate kiss, his arms holding me as if he would protect me from everything that could ever happen. As we broke off the kiss a few minutes later, we were both clearly heated by the moment. "I think we can use a drink now…"Jace mentioned waggish, after which he leaded me into the bar, his arm curled around my waist and a grin on our faces.<em>

Jace leaded me to a cozy corner booth, almost invisible as it was hid away in a nook of the pub, where we settled into the red velvet seats. I had only been here once before, yet it felt like coming home… Coming home after a long, difficult day and being embraced by that one person who can make you forget everything, that was how I felt as I looked around and took in the environment. We were both silent, just enjoying the atmosphere when Jace's phone started ringing. His one arm still around my waist, he grabbed his phone and looked who was calling. "Jordan" he stated, and I saw how he doubted what to do. I didn't know a lot of Jace's friends, but I knew that Jordan was one of his closest, and I didn't want him to ignore him just for me. "Pick up that phone Jace." I said with a smile. "I'm not going to run away, and your friend needs you…". I saw how he wanted to counter my words, so I laid my fingers on his lips. "Just pick up that phone Blondie, in the meantime I will get us some drinks. " I stood up, and weirdly enough, he agreed instantly. I had the strange feeling he had just been waiting for my permission, which was very… unlike Jace.

I walked up to the bar to Mr. Haunt, who was nipping from a glass of cognac. "Hey, Mr. Ha-" I started, but he raised his eyebrows and I quickly corrected myself. "… Luke." He laughed amused as he greeted me back, his warm, deep voice sounding as if he was really happy to see me. I realized that I hadn't asked Jace what he wanted to drink, so I decided to order the same as we had drunk the last time we were here. He started running around with different bottles of liquor and I turned around to search Jace who had left the pub. He stood outside, still talking on the phone and making big hand gestures, and I slightly wondered if anything was wrong with his friend. Slightly, since there were hundreds of other thoughts who were way more demanding right now…

With a simple "You're worrying…" Luke interrupted my thoughts en threw me back into reality. Doesn't everyone?" I said laughingly, but we both knew there wasn't really something to laugh. "Aye, they do, but not always 'bout the right things…" he said, and for a moment he sounded more like an ancient wise than like a Brooklyn bartender. "And he isn't the right thing?" I asked, not diverting my eyes from my boy who was standing outside. "Oh no, he certainly is… but he isn't the one where you should worry about…" I turned around and faced him. "Then who is?" I asked, and I sounded more desperate than I liked. "You are" he said, and even though I knew he was right, it still hit me right in the face. I looked at my feet. "Did you know Jace never brought any girl to this place?" he said, and he pronounced Jace's name in a way that made me realize that he was very attached to him. "Never?" I asked surprised. "This has always been his... safe house, his secret place. If he shares it with you…" He didn't finish his sentence, but I knew what he meant. "Don't ruin it because you're scared sweetie… He's worth trying." I swallowed difficult and nodded. God, I had no idea how he did it, but he managed to get under your skin with only a few words… "I… " I started, but I didn't know how to finish my sentence. Luckily we were interrupted by Jace, who walked up to the bar and gave me a quick peck on my cheek.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

"Everything alright?" I asked, as I looked at her face that seemed a few shades paler that before I left. "Of course!" she smiled as she turned around and wanted to grab the drinks that Mr. Haunt had placed on the bar. "Oh euhm Luke, I think you made a mistake…" she said as she looked at the soft pink drinks. "I had ordered our usual drinks…" she said, and Mr. Haunt started to laugh. "Clary sweetheart, there is one golden rule in the Old Duck… I don't give you what you want… I give what you need."

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><p>For the second time, Clary and I sunk away in the red cushions, this time both holding a pink drink. "It's… pink" she muttered, and I could hear a tone of suspiciousness in her voice. I knew she did not like it if things went different than she had in mind, and I couldn't stop a little grin. "What?" she asked surprised, "are you laughing with my approaching doom?". "No, my little drama queen, I think you are just scared!" I said, and I loved how her eyes narrowed as she noticed my challenge. I knew she wouldn't decline it and after an offended "Me, Scared? Ha!... Never!" she took a big gulp of her drink.<p>

"And?" I asked smilingly. "Hmmm… Not that bad…" she admitted. I raised m eyebrows, knowing that Mr. Haunt's drinks were never just 'not that bad'. "Ok fine it's delicious!" she confessed reluctantly and a sulky look spread across her face. I took a sip of my drink –which was enchanting indeed and tasted like a firm hug in liquid form- as I tried to hold in my laughter. "You know, you look very cute when you're angry." I teased her, and now her face turned crimson red. I gave her a kiss on her red curls, but she didn't really react. "So how was your talk with Jordan?" she asked as she tried to change the subject, and I wondered what was wrong. If there was anything she didn't like she always just said it, she never... suppressed it. "Fine, he just wanted to know how we were going to prepare for our first game of the year…". "Really? I mean it seemed like you were a bit nervous about it…" she insisted, and it surprised me that she had noticed that while her thoughts were visibly somewhere else."Yeah, I was, since I had neglected our friendship a bit the last weeks… But he didn't seem mad or something so…" "But why did you ignore him in the first place?" she wondered, and I felt how guilt was written on my face. "I didn't really ignore him! I just… focused on something else…" "Really? What can be so important that you forget your friends?" she asked, sounding a bit… accusingly. I shook my head: "You're not gonna let go of this, are you?" She smiled triumphant. "No, so you better just tell." I sighed in defeat: "You… I was too busy trying to impress you…"

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

"You… I was too busy trying to impress you…" I remained silent for a few seconds after those words. "Really? I always had the impression that you didn't… like me. That you were always irritated by my presence." I answered honestly. "I was" he admitted, "because you were the first girl who didn't immediately swooned over me…". I laughed at that. "I did give you a hard time, didn't I?" I said with a smile, remembering how much effort I had put in not liking Jace. "I just didn't want you to think that I would be easy to get…" I added. "Trust me, I figured that out quite quickly…" We both laughed as we were taking a sip of our drinks. As ever, I felt completely at ease with him, but the words of Luke kept whirling around in my head.

"Now, enough small talk Clar. You didn't just bring me here because you wanted to talk about this and that... I know there is something wrong, I can see it, so just tell me what I did wrong so we can clear this up." I gulped as I heard his words. I had thought that I could hide this from him, but sometimes I had the impression that he knew me better than I knew myself. I sighed, and I saw how he wanted to go on about it, but I raised my hand, asking him to stop. "Wait." I said. "I'll tell you everything, I mean I will try, but just don't… push me. It's hard to explain so give me some time." "All the time you want." He said while he took my hand. I looked at our intertwined fingers and tried to explain him how I felt…

"I… I have the feeling that we don't really know each other, you know? I don't know what you love the most about your family, I don't know what your favorite food is, I don't know what you like to do in your free time… It's like I have a precious book in my hands, but I can only read a few pages in the middle of the book… I don't know what happened in the pages before, so I can't understand the pages I'm reading now… I mean, we're both trying so hard to ignore the secrets of our past, but we both know they're here and they keep chasing us and holding us apart. And we can only move on if we know each other, I mean REALLY know each other, but I can't… I can't tell you about my past… There are things I can never tell to you, and so I will never be able to be completely honest with you. And even if we would be able to read further in the book, we will never be able to completely understand it, and I think that's no fair future, for neither of us…" I took a deep breath as I looked up to his golden eyes, and I broke a little inside as I saw the despair in his eyes. "But… I need you…" was all he said, and his voice sounded so alone that it broke my heart. "I need you to…" was all I could say before my voice broke and the tears started running down my cheeks. Jace took me in his arms and I curled myself up, my hand resting close to his heart. "I know I'm not much of a talker Clary, but I will try. I really want to make this work, and I WILL make this work. I have never really fought for something, butthis time I will! For you... for me... for us."

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

"I will fight too Jace…" she said. "I know I don't say this often enough, but you are incredibly important for me. I don't know if this is… love, because I've never felt something like this before, and I don't think I'm ready to say it either, but… I wanna give it a chance." I felt how a warm loving feeling filled my chest as she spoke those words, as if they penetrated my body and nestled around my heart. "I am so insanely in love with you…" I said as I took her head and looked her in the eyes. "And that's why I'm gonna tell you my story."

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><p><strong>I know I promised to give some background, but that will be for the next chapter :( I was really searching for a way to tell something more about Jace, and this was the best way I could figure out sooooo... DON'T HATE ME FOR IT (or I will never ever update ;p) Please review what you think people, because this was a really hard chapter since it had been a while for me... Lovies to all of you! xoxo N.<strong>


	25. A night of horror

**OMG this is insane! So many people have liked my story that I'm almost believing that there's some mistake going on o.o I am just so insanely happy right now! :D :D :D THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH TO EVERYONE, FOR SURE THE PEOPLE WHO REVIEWED! **

** booknerd1522, CityOfLittleLiars and TheDivergentMortalInstruments: I know this was a terrible cliff to let you hanging so I tried to update as soon as I could :) lovies :d**

**OK so this is a very important chapter and I really hope it's not disappointing in any way :( HERE IT IS!**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I saw how he hesitated for a moment, a glimpse of insecurity flashing away under his beautiful curled eyelashes. It was only visible for a millisecond, before he controlled himself and looked down, but it was there long enough to be caught by my eyes. "Jace, you don't have to do this. I never wanted to push you into anything, really. I didn't plan on forcing you into doing something like this when I said all these things, I just… We can figure out another way, I'm sure." I said while I gave his hand a little squeeze. He looked up, and I saw so much faith, trust and warmth in his eyes that my heart skipped a beat. "I know I don't need to do this Clary, but I want it. I wanna share my life with you Clary, and that includes my past too. The good days… and the bad ones." "For better and for worse." I whispered, suddenly overtaken by emotion, and he nodded in response. "For better and for worse." He repeated, and the way he spoke, it sounded like a promise. "Then at least take your time" I said. "I'm not going anywhere, so take all the time you need." He looked me in the eyes and it felt as if we were back into our Jace-and-Clary-bubble, shielded from the rest of the world. He cleared his throat and at that moment I saw how something changed in his eyes. A look of determination and old sorrow appeared, and I could see that he was ready to tell his story…

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I looked into her eyes, and I felt I was ready. Ready to tell my story for the first time, ready to finally let someone in again.

"I was seven, and I had a perfect life…" I started. I felt how I was drawn back to that night, the night that changed my entire life, and I gulped. This time, I didn't resist. I didn't fight back to stay into reality but let myself be carried away by long suppressed memories...

"My parents were young, beautiful and in love. They were that kind of people you loved instantly: funny, open, warm-hearted… In my eyes, they were my… my hero's. As I was young, I was deadly afraid of the monsters under my bed, but I knew my parents would protect me. My father, a strong, fierce man, 'cleared' my room every night before I went to bed, claiming he had fought intensely with them until they had all disappeared. Reassured by my father, I then dared to go to bed, after which my mother read out a story for me, until I felt asleep, the sound of her loving voice resounding in my dreams... I had a perfect life, but I never really realized…

On 9 December 2004, It happened. I was playing with my plastic soldiers with my dad, when someone rang the bell. My mother looked through the window to see who was there, and all of a sudden, her face went pale. "They're here." She said, but I had no idea what she was talking about. But my father did, and I saw how his face tightened. He picked me up and gave me a kiss on my forehead before he put me down and my mother grabbed my hand. The men who were standing outside, were now banging on the door and screaming things I did'nt understand, and I flinched by the sound of their voices. My mother ran upstairs with me and entered my room. "Ok Jaceyboy, you need to be a big boy now, do you understand?" she said, her voice sounding different: tensed… scared. I nodded, certain to do whatever she asked me. "Ok Jacey, I'm gonna go outside, and then you need to lock the door behind me, can you do that?" She asked, while she gave me a kiss on my cheek. I nodded again, and after hugging me tightly ,she took a few steps back, standing in the doorway. "Promise me Jace: do not open that door, for anyone!" she said, tears streaming down her face, and I wanted to answer, ask her what was wrong, but I was interrupted by a loud crack. My mother looked over her shoulder to the stairs, and she now urged me panicky to close the door. So I did. I locked myself in, and my mom and dad out, and the last thing she would ever say to me was: "Don't trust anyone Jacey." I heard her feet fading away, and seconds later hell erupted. Voices shouted, things were demolished, and it felt like my whole world was shaking. I sat in my closet, my hands around my ears in an attempt to stop the noises, but nothing helped. Suddenly, there were 3 loud bangs, and then… utter silence…

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><p>I have no idea how long I sat there before someone finally entered my room after forcing the doorlock. It was a young cop who finally found me in the closet, and he took me in his arms and carried me downstairs. He said his name was Henry, and he made soothing sounds as he held a hand before my eyes, saying that everything would be ok. I felt so safe in his arms, as if it was my dad who hugged me after one of my nightmares, but then I remembered the words of my mother and I started to wrestle myself out of his arms. This attack was so impulsively that I took him completely by surprise, and he needed to let me go. Confused I took in my surroundings: it was still my house, still my living room, but at the same time it wasn't… chairs were knocked over, paintings were thrown on the ground and shred to pieces,…. There was a mess where ever I looked. I took some steps closer to a white blanket that was lying on the floor, wondering why it was covered with a red liquid, when I saw that the blanket hadn't covered everything. I saw the fingers of my mother, curled into a fist, and in horror I took a step back. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't yet realize they were… " I gulped difficult, as emotions were taking the upper hand, but I kept continuing my story. I'd come so far now, I needed to finish this as well.<p>

"As I had stepped back, I landed on something that made a cracking sound. I looked beneath my feet and saw one of my toy soldiers, alone, strayed from the others and demolished under my feet. I started crying, my emotions finally finding a way to get through my numbness and I ran to my mother's hand., desperately looking for protection. It was then that Henry stopped me, picking me up and carrying me out of the house. I screamed, I raged, I struggled and I cried, but this time he held me firmly and put me into an ambulance where a doctor examined me thoroughly. I heard him say that I was Ok, that I was healthy and fine, but he knew nothing… The sight of my mother's hand was burnt in my retina and I replayed that night over and over. I was confused and scared, but right then I knew one thing: I would never be 'fine' again.

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><p><strong>Ok so pretty sad capter... I really hope you "like" Jace's background and hope you're not dissappointed :) please let me now what you think about it :) I totally beg you guys! :) Don't leave me in suspense! :) Love you all xxx N.<strong>


	26. Ducks

**Helloooooooooooooooooo everyone! New chapter! :) I know it has been a while, but I'm just a bit stuck, doubting where I wanna go with my story :( But at least I updated, right? :D enjoy! PS I still don't own the characters of TMI :( ;p**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

He finished his story, but I knew it wasn't really done… I mean, this was not something you could just… leave behind. And I saw it in his eyes, how he replayed that night over and over and over, how he was replaying it right now in his thoughts… His gaze was absent, and I had the irrational fear that he would never come back, that he would stay there forever, trapped in his most scary, frightening memory. I gulped difficult as I thought of little Jace: confused, scared… alone. Fuck, I had no idea what I had to do… I wasn't really one of those people who could empathize with everyone, who could deal with… emotions. Luckily, at that moment something in Jace's eyes changed, and I knew he had "returned" to reality.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

She looked at me with her big green eyes, and at that moment I just wanted to hug her and never let go. But after telling her my story, my mother's words were echoing again in my head. "Don't trust anyone Jacey… Don't trust anyone Jacey… Don't trust anyone Jacey…", as if my mother was still warning me, as if she tried to say that this had been the wrong thing to do… My mother was right: Clary probably just thought I was silly and pitiful… I cleared my throat and pulled up my walls again, afraid for what she would say, afraid what she would think of me.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I was still struggling about what to say, afraid that I would hurt him by saying the wrong thing when I saw it. There changed something in his attitude, as if he was suddenly miles away from me. I knew what he was doing, and my heart flinched for a moment. "Jace, don't do this" I said, as I took his hand and tried to stop him. "Doing what Clary? I'm fine, it all happened long ago." He said, and even though he wasn't looking at me, I knew this wasn't really 'him'. "Jace, look at me." I said, taking his head in my hands and turning his head to face mine. "What?" he said, trying to act cold and unapproachable, but I could see right through his scam. "Jace, I know what you're trying to do, but don't even think about it!" I said, in a desperate attempt to break down his walls. "Clary, for the last time: I. Am. Fine." he said, accentuating every syllable. I looked for a moment at him, taking in everything: his voice seemed calm, but I heard the trembling anyway; his body seemed relaxed, but I clearly saw the tension in his muscles; his eyes seemed honest, but I could see the tears searching their way. I shook my head sadly: "No, you're not. And don't even try to deny it, because I won't let you shut me out Jace, no matter what."

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I couldn't understand it. Trust me, I wanted to, but I couldn't. How could she stand being with me now she knew what a coward I was? I was a fraidy cat, a pathetic idiot and most of all… a murderer. It was my fault my parents were dead: if I hadn't lock them out, maybe they could have hided or… but that was my burden to carry, not hers. My mother's last advice, my love for Clary and my urge to protect her were all sending me in different directions, and I could only find one way out…

"I'm sorry Clary, I can't do this. It's over." I said, while it felt as my heart was shred to pieces: at least, she would be happy in the end, right? She would move on and have an amazing life, just like she deserved. "It's WHAT?!" she said, talking so loud some heads moved in our direction. "It's over; I'm bored with us, so just get over it." I said harsh as I stood up and walked away, throwing some money on the bar of the café as I left.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I couldn't believe it… I had arranged this… date because I wanted to stop whatever we were having before it got too serious and I would fall in love, but then… As he told his story, I realized that it was way too late. I was totally falling for him, and I couldn't imagine a life without him anymore… I had realized that I needed him too much to let him go, and now HE was the one who wanted to break-up?! I mean, I know we weren't really together, but… it still felt like I was… dumped.

For a few seconds I was paralyzed, as all these thoughts were racing through my mind, but my body reacted instinctual and I started running after him. Somehow I knew he would run to the park a few streets further, needing a place to clear his mind, and so I headed for the park. I was determined to find him and get some explanation, even if I needed to burn down the entire park to find him… I probably looked mentally deranged as I ran through the streets, but I didn't give a shit about it. The only thing I knew right now was that I needed to find Jace and get him back, because without him I would be lost forever.

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><p>After 10 minutes of running, I finally noticed him, standing close to a pond and… his feet surrounded by ducks. I walked up to him and as I stood there, I felt how all my anger just… faded away. There was a reason he was doing this to me, because I couldn't believe he would hurt me willingly, not really. He was way too kind and sweet to do something like that.<p>

There was so much to say that I was suddenly scared to talk about it, so I chose a safer subject. "I thought you were afraid of ducks?" I asked, honestly wondering what had changed. "I was." he simply answered, and a sad smile was playing around his lips. "What changed?" I asked, not able to hide my curiosity, my interest for every single thing he did. "I realized they weren't my biggest fear." he answered, and I wondered out loud: "Then what is?" He stayed silent for a moment, thinking, and I knew I wasn't the only one who had difficulties when it came to dealing with emotions. "You are." he said, but I almost thought I had dreamed it. "Me?" I asked thunderstruck. "How's that? I mean, I hit you only once and it wasn't even that hard!". He started laughing, and even though the situation wasn't funny at all, I couldn't help but laugh along. "Well, I'm not gonna deny that your temperament is quite… touchy, but that's not the reason." "Then what is?" I asked, my heart beating fast as if it somehow knew that this answer would change our relationship forever. "It's losing you Clary. You became so important for me that it scares the hell out of me!" "And so you just dump me? Before I can dump you? Before anything can ever happen? Good or bad?!" I practically yelled, my anger coming back as I realized he didn't even want to give us a chance. "Yes, maybe… But I don't get why you're so mad?! You were the one who started doubting first, right?! Don't think I didn't notice it Clary, you were going to end it yourself!" "Maybe I was! But then I realized that I would rather fight everyday with you than be relative happy with someone else."

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

"Even after everything I told you?" I asked in doubt, my heart secretly hoping but my mind skeptical. "Especially after everything you told me." she said, and her voice faltered for a moment before she continued. "All this time, you were… perfect in my eyes Jace… Handsome, funny, smart, rich, the perfect family… How could I compete with something like that? How could I live with someone like that without feeling inferior every second of the day? You have no idea what a relieve it is to know that you aren't perfect either…" "Clary, I've never been perfect! I've done so much wrong with you… I've hurt you so much… I wish I could change that, that I could go back in time and fix it somehow, but … I'm not a superhero…" She shook her head and mumbled: "I don't want a fucking superhero Jace." Now I was even more confused! "Than what do you want Clary?" I asked, because whatever she wanted, I would find a way to give it to her. "Jonathan Christopher Lightwood, are you really such an idiot?! Or do you just want me to say it? I. want. you!" she said, and I saw how her cheeks reddened. My heart made a double somersault as I heard these words, the most beautiful words I had ever heard. "Oh Clary, I lied…" I confessed, "I'm not bored with us. God, I could never be bored with you and-" and then she stopped me…

Or more specifically, her lips stopped me… She kissed me with so much force, with so much passion, that I wavered for a moment, before I found back my balance. I was dumbfounded, but hey, I wasn't going to complain… My hands curled around her waist, and as I felt an inch of her bare skin, a shiver ran through my body. For a moment, we pulled away from each other, and I saw a cheeky sparkle in her eyes that made my heart beat even faster than it already did. "Am I so irresistible that you had no other option than to attack me?" I grinned and I saw how she rolled her eyes. "Jonathan Christopher Lightwood, I officially hate you" she said, but I saw how her eyes were laughing, and I quickly steeled a kiss before I answered. "Have you any idea how sexy it is when you say my full name?" An exultant look spread across her face. "Really?" she asked elated, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Yes!" I admitted before I kissed her again, and this time, I got entirely lost in our kiss.

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><p><strong>Ok soooo I have a question for you, and it would be really helpfull if you could give me some feedback... :) There is still so much I wanna do with this story, but on the other had, I don't want it to be wordy :( what do you think I should do?<strong>


	27. Growing love

**New chapter amigos! :D hope you like it! **

** artisofthemind: thank you so much for reviewing :) I'm afraid that I need to dissapoint you: I don't think Clary's story will be for soon... I mean at least not for like the next 2 or 3 chapters, since I'm still thinking about how I'm gonna "reveil" it... xxx N.**

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><p>Shadow Park was a little park in Brooklyn, particularly known by nearby residents. A constant stream of visitors occupied the park, by day as well by night, all with different intentions and needs. By night, it wasn't hard to see how the place got his name: it was the home of thieves, drug dealers and other riffraff, and wisely shunned by anyone who valued his life; but by day, it was a magical place to be. Enormous trees, beautiful ponds, exotic flowers and little nooks with benches where you could just… hide from the world for a moment: it felt like a piece of heaven on earth.<p>

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><p>It was in the late afternoon, but the park was still filled with people: an older couple that was walking through the flower borders; a little girl with her father, chasing a butterfly an occasionally tripping over her own feet; a young boy who was feeding the ducks with his mother; a couple of runners trying to beat their personal records; a man who was wandering around on his own, clearly occupied by his own thoughts; …<p>

Under one of the biggest trees of the park, sat a young couple. The boy sat with his back against the rough old bark, his head resting on the shoulder of the girl in front of him. They were both… stunning. They had that kind of natural beauty that made people look over their shoulder, throwing a second look and wishing they looked like them. They were a perfect match: the girl with her fierce fire-red curls and the boy with heavenly gold messy hair, both unaware that they were observed by the passers-by.

The passers-by looked at the boy and girl and smiled as they remembered their youth and wished they could go back to those long bygone memories. Back to those moments of off-handedness while they lived in a love-bubble with their first love and didn't care about the rest of the world. Back to those moments of romantic infatuation when they wouldn't even have noticed World War 3 when it happened right in front of their eyes. And as they moved on, they realized that their smile wasn't entirely sincerely, that it was slightly poisoned by jealousy.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

"We have to go" Jace said, but we both heard how his voice didn't sound sincere. "No we don't" I said smiling, my eyes closed and my head resting against his chest. I could feel the vibrations of his laugh in his chest, and I felt a warm feeling as I heard that cheeky and airy sound. "I just wanna stay here forever" I confessed, snuggling away in his arms. "I know… Me too" Jace answered, his lips so close to my ears he only needed to whisper. "But this isn't the safest place to stay around at night." "Scared?" I teased him, which yielded me a playful push in my side. "No, but as a true gentleman, I have to protect the young woman in my company." We both grinned. "Oh, you are such a portly man my dear! I'd better not contaminate you with my sinful thoughts!" I said, while I tried to escape from his arms, in vain of course."Oh I love your worries, but I'm also véry brave so I think I can handle you." he said, turning me around in his arms. "Oh I wouldn't bet on it" I said, before I leaned in and kissed him.

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><p>Maryse's POV<p>

We were eating dinner when Jace and Clary arrived and I couldn't help but feel relieved as I saw them both. Always worrying: it was the though fate of a mother I fear… It was funny how much I already loved Clary, as if she was my own child. I looked at Jace, and a loving feeling spread through my veins. He had changed so much since Clary had arrived that I almost couldn't recognize him. He smiled more, he talked more, he… he was losing that sad aura that had always encircled him like a cape.

"Why have you both been?" I asked, and I saw how they quickly shared a look. "I saw Clary on the streets, she was a bit lost…" Jace said with a grin. "So I decided to lead her home like a true gentleman, mother." I smiled and nodded, even though I didn't really believe it... but I wasn't going to ruin whatever they were having… "You were lucky he found you Clary." I said as they both took a seat. "You need to be careful; I wouldn't survive it when something happened to you!" She smiled and laid her hand on mine. "Thank you Maryse, I will be more careful next time" she said, and I gave a little squeeze in her hand. It was silent for a moment, the atmosphere heavy and emotional.

"God this is delicious Mar!" Robert said, breaking the silence, and I thanked him with my eyes. He had known I was getting emotional, and he had just saved me from an emotional burst out. God… I loved my husband…

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><p>Izzy's POV<p>

Music filled the room, and the only light was coming from the TV screen where the intro of The Amazing Spiderman 2 was playing. I looked how Andrew Garfield hovered between the buildings of New York and I relaxed in my seat. I loved this movie, and I was happy to share it with my friends who hadn't seen it yet. Clary sat next to me, her eyes following the handsome protagonist, and I knew what she was thinking: he was just incredibly sexy. Alec lay in front of us, on the carpet in front of the TV, and I was pretty sure he was thinking the same thing… I mean, I wasn't sure if Alec knew it already himself, but for me it was clear: he was gay. But I didn't care: he was my brother, and even though I would never admit it, I loved him, no matter what he did or who he loved. I looked at my left, where Jace laid stretched out in the seat. I saw he wasn't really looking at the movie, and from time to time, he threw a glance in our direction. I was pretty sure he wasn't looking at me or Alec, certainly since Clary was throwing the same weird glances at Jace when she thought I wasn't looking, and it made me wonder when they had become so close. I thought they hated each other, and now they were looking at each other like they were… some kind of… partners in crime. Like they had some secret that we weren't allowed to know… I mean, they wouldn't be… No that was impossible; Jace never fell in love… And I hadn't the impression Clary was the one to easily fall in love either. My imagination was probably running wild… But I was sure to keep an eye on them in the future...

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><p>Alec's POV<p>

I was looking at this guy where Izzy was completely in love with, and I could see why… he was attractive and handsome, but… he wasn't my type. Or, honestly said, he just wasn't Magnus. I had called Magnus eventually, listening to Clary's advice, and now my heart was making double salto's and pirouettes. Magnus hadn't sound surprised that I called him, he just sounded… happy. We had talked over the phone for more than an hour, and we even arranged to meet each other. Magnus had been talking about a restaurant he loved, and before I could stop myself, I had suggested that we could maybe go there once. He had immediately agreed, and had asked if I was free tomorrow. A few minutes later I had put down my phone, after Magnus had promised he would send me a text with the address of the restaurant where we would meet each other at 1 o'clock. The rest of the day, I had been walking around, inwardly smiling as an idiot and stressing out about tomorrow. Magnus was so confident and … sparkly that it scared me to death, but still he attracted me so strong I couldn't stay away from him. I sighed as I tried to focus on the screen: I wished it was already tomorrow…

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

My phone laid on the little table in front of us, a little flashing light announcing that I had a new message. I was… surprised. I never got a message… I mean, almost never, except from telephone lines and… Jace! I couldn't suppress a spark of hope as I took my phone.

_Why don't you come over? I bet it's way more fun to watch the movie from my couch than from yours. ;) J_

I shook my head in disbelief. He was such a flirt! "Who's it?" Izzy asked, only vaguely interested. "Euhm just a friend from my former school…" I answered, but I immediately mentally slapped myself in the face for such a stupid answer. Izzy nodded and concentrated further on the movie. I sighed relieved. Of course, for someone as popular as Izzy it was probably logic that even after she had changed school, her friends would keep calling, meeting up, shopping together and so on. I had forgotten that Izzy didn't know anything about my past… I mean, I didn't think I had friends for like… the last 3 years. "Don't think about it, it's the past!" I thought to myself, and I looked back at my phone. Immediately, my smile was coming back: yeah, the here and now was way better!

_I'm perfectly enjoying the movie from this spot my dear. Better view on Andrew Garfield I'm afraid. :) C_

I tried to follow the movie after that, but it was impossible… I attempted to be subtle as I followed Jace with my eyes. He took his phone, read the message, and… looked up. For a second, our eyes met, and I was pretty sure we both felt that little spark we always had. Smiling, he typed back an answer.

_Oh God don't turn into Izzy 2 please! She talks about him all the time! Oh and btw I wouldn't bet on him honey, he's 31… (and yes I know that, blame Izzy) J_

I replied immediately, not looking at all at the movie anymore.

_Hmmm damn :( … But still hot and rich, I think I'm gonna take my chance anyway… :p C_

_Really? I heard you already have a boyfriend, who is hot and rich too… And way more sexy ;) J_

_A boyfriend? Do I have a boyfriend? I can't really remember ;) …_

_Btw even in such a tight suit? I don't think so Jacey… C_

_Oh really? Meet me tonight and I'll show you... ;) J_

I couldn't help but blush as I read his last text. My brains had immediately shaped an image of Jace in a Spiderman-costume and… Let's say it was hard to concentrate on anything else after that… I looked secretly at Jace, and I saw he was looking at me too, and again he had that look in his eyes… That bluntly seductive look that made his eyes look a few shades darker, and my cheeks even redder. God, this guy was going to be the dead of me….

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><p><strong>I hope you liked the different points of view, I just wanted to show how the other people are thinking about Jace and Clary :) Do you think I should do this more often? Or do you like it more if it's just Clary's and Jace's POV? Please let me now what you like, so I can keep it in mind in my next chapters :) xxx N.<strong>


	28. In the darkness of the night

**Ok, so I know it had been a while since I updated (and I'm really really sorry!) but I was just a bit stuck in this story... :( I'm also working on another story, a one-shot about Jace and Clary that plays in the shadowhunter world, and I hope you guys wanna read it once I'm finished with it :p Love you all!**

** The DivergentMortalInstruments and Virginia Herondale-Raffaeli: thank you so much for your positive reviews :)**

** DauntlesShadowhunterChick: What's happening next? Well read this chapter and you'll find out ;)**

** JaceHerondale17: I laughed so hard when I read your review :) I am so glad I'm not the only one who fantasizes about Jace in a spiderman suit :p HELL YES girl! :D**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to find out what to do about Jace. After all that had happened, I was pretty much convinced that this wasn't just a fling for him, and it made me happy and frightened at the same time. I mean, every one told me that the old Jace had been a player and a complete jackass, flirting with every girl and not caring if he broke any hearts, but that he had changed now. And I believed them, because I couldn't imagine that the "new" Jace, my Jace, would do anything like that. I mean sure, he was arrogant and egocentric sometimes, but he was also sweet and caring and supportive and… I sighed. He was perfect, not in an annoying way, but in a good way. And I was scared that I would disappoint him or do something wrong, and hurt this new, "vulnerable" Jace. He had such a difficult past... and I was afraid to ruin his future. My brain cells just wouldn't shut up: they just kept producing worst-case scenarios and possible tragedies. God this was unbearable!

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I sat on the floor in front of my window, staring at the stars and trying to calm my thoughts. After telling Clary my story, it all had seemed… more alive. Like it had been buried for long, until I had dug it up again and … awoken it. I heard my mother's voice again, my father's footsteps as he walked up to the door, the fighting, the gunshots… I cringed a little and laid my hands on my ears, trying to stop the noises, and all at once I was back in that closet, hiding for… them. My body trembled, and in a last attempt to stay sane, I thought about Clary. She was… my rock, my midpoint, my compass. I felt how the shaking stopped gradually, and I opened my eyes again. I was back in my room, cold sweat on my body and my breath heavy and ragged. This was impossible; I couldn't do this on my own anymore…

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

For the second time this evening, I got an unexpected message. Wondering why I had deserved all this attention, I grabbed my phone and read the message. It was Jace's -who else? I really needed to get some friends…- but his playful tone of earlier had disappeared entirely.

_Can I come over? Need your help. J_

I gulped. This was serious… Jace admitting he needed help? That was just… so not him. I immediately responded.

_Anytime Jace, you know where to find me. I'm here for you x C_

I started pacing around in my room. What was wrong? Had I been so occupied in my own thoughts that I couldn't see that a friend needed me? That my boyfriend needed me?! I hadn't seen any sign that something had been wrong with him, he had seemed so relaxed and cheerful and… happy this evening. Or was he sorry that he had opened up to me and was he now going to reject me? Push me aside again? And why wasn't he answering? Did I need to go to his room? Check if he was all right?

My stream of thoughts was interrupted by a soft knock on the door, and I almost flew to it in my haste to open it. Jace stood in front of me, only wearing grey sweatpants, his hear messy and his eyes haggard. Before I could say anything, he kissed me roughly, in the same time closing the door. I stumbled a bit, taken aback by his actions, and I could feel that this kiss was different from all the other kisses we had ever shared. This wasn't a kiss of love… this was a kiss that tasted like despair, anxiety and pain. I felt how much he needed me, and I kissed him back, giving him all the love and consolation I had in me. After a few minutes, we pulled apart, both panting. I looked in his eyes, and what I saw there was… scaring the hell out of me. In his eyes, I saw so much agony, that it almost hurt to look at it, and I couldn't imagine what he was feeling right now. "Jace, what has happened? Who did this to you?" I whispered afraid, and then… he started crying.

As I helped him reach my bed, I felt how he was clinging onto me, like I was the only thing left to him in this world. I laid him down, his head on my lap, and tried to calm him down. "It's gonna be alright Jace, I'm here. Whatever this is, we gonna figure it out together. I'll help you Jace, I'm here for you." I repeated over and over for more than 20 minutes, until he calmed down. I was holding him tightly in my arms, and for the first time this night he spoke. "I'm sorry Clary" was all he said, after which a single tear started rolling down his cheek. I kissed it away. "Don't you dare being sorry for this." I answered. "Just tell me how I can help you."

"I miss them so much Clary… Oh God I miss them so much… I thought I was over it, that I had… given it a place, but after retelling my story to you they just… don't wanna get out of my head Clary." he brought out in fits and starts. "And the only way I could figure out to get them out of my mind, was you. So I just… I mean it was an impulsive action, I shouldn't have dragged you into this, but I just couldn't… handle it on my own. I'm so sorry…" His voice broke and I took his head in my hands as I spoke to him. "Listen to me Jace, there is no reason to be sorry. You are hurt, and you shouldn't face that on your own. I'm glad you came to me. In good times AND in bad times, remember? You don't need to deal with this on your own Jace, I'm here to stand by your side. And I know I can't replace your family, but you have a new family now Jace… Maryse, Robert, Alec, Izzy… me: we will never, ever leave you. I promise." Jace didn't say a word, but I saw how his body finally started to relax. His muscles unclenched, his eyes softened, and a miniscule smile played around his lips. He sat up and took me in his arms, and for a moment that was all we needed.

After a few minutes, I broke the silence with a whisper. "Stay here tonight" I asked him, "stay with me tonight." "I don't think I even have the power to leave you tonight…" was his simple answer, after which he lifted me up and laid me gently in my bed. He covered my body with my sheets and slipped under them as well, leaving some space between our bodies as a true gentleman. W e laid still for a few minutes, both unsure what the other wanted but heavily aware of the others presence. The tension between us was palpable, and after a few minutes we couldn't hold it any longer. Almost at the same time, we started moving to each other, until our bodies finally touched. He gently turned me around and pulled me close to his body, and I automatically felt at ease. I was still worrying about him, but at this moment it was… livable. His bare chest against my back and his lips that gently caressed my neck... that was just one of the best feelings in the world. And for a moment, everything was alright.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

As I held her in my arms, I was finally at ease. Her scent, her steady breathing, her body against mine… I was hooked on every detail of her. I gave her a kiss in her neck as I whispered "Goodnight Clary", and I felt how she pulled me even closer to her. "Goodnight Jace" she whispered back… and for a moment, everything was alright.

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><p><strong>Soooo I decided to use only Jace's and Clary's POV because I thought this was just such an... intimate scene :) Hope you liked it! xxx N.<strong>


	29. Love in progress

**WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOEEEW! I now have officially hundred followers! :D So I am happy happy happy happy happy! Thank you all for supporting me and my story, really, it means sooooooooooooo much to me! I love you all so much! I wish I could visit you all and give you a warm hug and some chocolate a a thank you, but... it's pretty obvious I can't :p soooo *virtual hug* :D**

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

A gruesome, horrible sound made me wake up with a start, and disoriented I looked around me, quickly locating the source of this evil sound. Clary's alarms clock was lightning up and producing this tremendous waking-up sound that I immediately hated. Clary on the other hand didn't even seem to notice it as she snuggled closer to me and just kept on sleeping. I wasn't planning on waking her up, because as I saw her lay there, I had no motivation at all to go to school today. Or even leave this bed… I bend over her, trying to push the off-button, but it was further away than I had estimated. I was stretching my arm as far as I could, but I lost my balance, and I ended up on the floor next to Clary's bed, together with Clary's sheets and… Clary herself.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I woke up as I bumped against something soft and warm, and I opened my eyes confused, still dizzy from sleep. Jace had a sheepish look on his face, and even though I didn't knew what had happened, I burst out in laughing. I mean, he looked so adorable as he laid there surrounded by my sheets with that cute guilty look at his face… I stretched my arms to stop my alarm clock on my night standard, finally stopping my personal hate-tune as the alarm stopped. "Hey" I said as I laid my chin on his chest, and as he greeted me back with his low, husky morning voice, I felt tingling in my entire body. "What happened?" I asked amused, and now he started grinning too. "I guess my balance isn't as good as I thought" he admitted, and laughingly I gave him a little peck on his nose. "You're an idiot", I said with a smile, "and as much as I love spending time with you here on the floor, we really need to get up and get ready for school." "No we don't" he said, as he tightened his grip on my waist, and the look in his eyes almost made me change my mind. "Yes we do!" I said, and before I could change my mind, I stood up, draping my sheets around me as I headed for my bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower…" I said, and as he moved his eyebrows in a suggestive way, I added sternly "alone."

He sighed -fake- angry as he stood up and stepped to the door, and I laughed as he gave me a kiss on my cheek in the passage. He turned around in the doorway and with a whispered "see you later", that sounded full possibilities and promises, he left my room.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

As I went into the kitchen after a quick shower, I saw Clary and Izzy sitting at the kitchen table. Izzy was talking animated about Clary's outfit (that was probably chosen by Izzy herself), telling her why exactly it was the perfect outfit for her. Normally, I always ignored Izzy when she was talking like that, but right now, I couldn't help but agree with her. Clary was wearing a tight black jeans and a baby blue top that somehow combined perfectly with her hair. The top was loose, and as she reached out to grab the milk bottle, she exposed a line of skin of her lower back. I gulped and tried not to stare to her as I sat down next to her and took some toast. "Good morning" I said merry, and as I took a sip of my coffee, I added casually: "Izzy is right Clary, you're looking great today…". Izzy's flood of words stopped for a second, as she threw a suspicious glance at me, before she continued her speech. "See! Even Jace says it, and he has normally no eye for fashion at all! All the boys at school are just gonna drool over you!"

I saw how Clary tensed, right when I tensed too, and I wondered if she wondered too whether or not we needed to tell Izzy… "Oh come on Izzy, you're exaggerating! Nobody cares what I wear! Only you do!" "Really?! I bet that at least 3 guys start flirting with you today!" Izzy said back, and before Clary could protest, she left the room, slightly humming around.

"I am so gonna kill every guy who even tries to stare at you!" I said, as I laid my hand around her waist and pulled her closer to me. She laughed, and after having checked the room, she gave me a short, passionate kiss. "Are we gonna…" I started, and suddenly, I was very nervous. I had never before cared about what my "girlfriends" thought, so it was the first time I was really… scared of her answer. "Are we gonna tell?" I asked finally, and my heart practically jumped out of my body as I was stressing out about her possible reactions.

"Honestly? I don't know... I mean aren't Robert and Maryse going to be mad? They already took me into their house, they feed me, they pay for my clothes... and now I'm picking in their son too?" "Clary, they don't think like that, I swear! They have money enough, and I'm pretty sure they both adore you! They just want their children to be happy, and if we are..." A frown had formed on her face... "Pretty sure? That's not enough Jace! What if they think I'm not good enough for you? I really don't wanna get between you and your parents! Maybe it's even illegal!" She said, and I heard a quaver in her voice that hadn't been there before. I took her hand beneath the table, trying to calm her down. "Of course this is legal! We are just two young people who like each other and who happen to live in the same house! And my parents would never let me choose between them and you! And even if they were... I would pick you. Every single time." As she looked up to me, her eyes were filled with old sorrow. "Don't say that... You wouldn't... You shouldn't! You have a family that cares about you and... lives! You should be thankful for them! Not betray them!" And with those words, she stood up and ran out of the kitchen. "I don't betray them! I was just trying to say that..." but my voice trailed off as I looked at the empty kitchen. I was just trying to be romantic...

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I stood in my room, my hands shaking and tears in my eyes. I knew I shouldn't' have reacted like that to Jace, but I had just... lost it. As he had been speaking, the only thing I could see were flashes from the only 2 funerals I had ever been to: my mothers, and my fathers... I knew that any other girl would have found his words incredibly romantic, but for me, they just... hurt. They reminded me of how it was to have parents, and of all the mistakes I had made, causing them to die.

But now I was making a new mistake: I was hurting Jace while he hadn't done anything wrong... I ran back to the kitchen, where Jace still sat on his chair, a deep frown visible on his face. He was lost in his thoughts, didn't' even hear my arrival, and I quickly ran up to him and slammed my arms around him from behind. "I am so sorry!" was all I could bring out, as I hugged him tighter. "I know you must think I'm insane and really need to see a psychiatrist, but I just... lost it for a moment. And I know it sucks for you that I never tell you about my past, but I just can't... not yet." He turned around and pulled me on his lap, giving me a kiss on my cheek. "It's fine Clary... we can work this out together... I know you parents are a... touchy subject, and I understand that... I think it's an understatement to say that you are not alone on that..." I smiled as I noticed how he tried to make me smile, and I gave him a little kiss on his nose. He smiled back before he continued. "And if you're not ready yet to tell this…", he gestured to us, "than we just wait until you are. I only wanted to tell because I am proud Clary, proud that I have such an amazing girlfriend. And I want everyone to know that you are mine..." I gulped... he was probably the sweetest boy ever alive... "I need to think about it..." I said back. "But not because I'm doubting about us, I promise. I just don't know if I'm ready to 'take it public'…" "I can wait" was his simple answer, before our lips collided and we didn't say a word anymore...

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><p><strong>Ok I know I haven't updated in a while, but honestly, I was just a bit scared... I mean, hundred followers, that also means hundred possibilities that people don't like my new chapter. I know that the last chapters were a bit... slow and not full of action, but next time I will update a chapter about school, and I'm gonna try to add some action there :) If you have tips or suggestions for me, please tell them, because I can really use some help :) xxx N.<strong>


	30. Clichés

**Hellow everybody! :) New chapter has arrived! :D special thank you to ashtonschocolatemilk, E. , JaceHerondale17 and CityOfLittleLiars: you are all awesome and I loved your reviews! :)**

** love-shell: I wanted to PM you, but since you have no account, I just thought that I could do it here: Thank you soo much for what you said, you have no idea how important that was for me! Honestly, I am in your debt forever! :) I am so happy that you loved my story, and I really hope that you like the new chapter too! xxx N.**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

It was harder than I thought… Almost unbearable in fact, but I kept saying to myself that it was the best option. But as my head tried to overrule my heart, my heart could only think of one thing: Jace. My days were one long torment and ironically enough it was my own fault… I knew that I was the one who had asked to keep our 'relationship' a secret, but I hadn't expected it to be _that_ hard…

It was Thursday, four days after our conversation, and I was tired of my constant attempts to keep Jace out of my mind. Since Monday morning, I had barely seen him, and I just… missed him.

Jace was constantly in my mind, but I tried to ignore that as I spent my time at school with Maia, Izzy and her friends. In the classes, I tried to completely focus on the teachers' words, and between those moments, I tried to listen to their stories about boys, make-up and parties (Izzy's friends) and video games (Maia). But every time I saw Jace as he passed me in the hallways, or even if I could only see him in the distance, my heart beat like crazy and my brain cells just… shut down for a second. And you know, all of this would have been bearable, if there hadn't been a constant flow of jealousy, flowing through my veins and making me feel like the most horrible person on earth. I knew I could trust Jace, but I just didn't trust those sluts who were constantly hanging around him! It was like my ears were radio aerials who heard any conversation about Jace, and most of the time, those conversations were not to my liking. Seriously, if I heard one more girl talk about "how hot, sexy, handsome, rich or amazing he was and how she had a strategy plan to seduce him, I was pretty sure I was going to hit her… hard.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I hated it. And I didn't know how long I would be able to continue this. How could she expect me to act as if she was nothing to me, while every single guy at school was drooling over her? I saw how they stared at her butt, how their eyes followed every movement she made and how they almost undressed her shamelessly with their eyes. I heard how friends of mine made scabrous comments about her, how they asked me to get a date with her 'because I knew her since she lived in my house', and I was just… losing it. Every time I passed her or even saw her in the distance, I just wanted to talk to her… touch her… kiss her. But I couldn't, and it drove me crazy. I couldn't believe she didn't see it, how guys started talking to her because they 'had accidentally bumped against her' or because they 'really wanted to know how she understood that difficult chapter of math' while they were just trying to seduce her. Honestly, if I heard any more guys talking about my girl, I was going to hit them… hard.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I was walking through the corridors of the school with Maia, who was talking about some new videogame she had found, but I couldn't concentrate on her story. I hummed and nodded at the right moments, but my mind was somewhere else. I thought about the strange things that had happened last days at home -I had finally started calling the Institute my home- and I wondered what to do about it. I had assumed that I could at least spent some secret time with Jace at home, but even that had been impossible, as if faith had decided that we just didn't belong together… The entire week, Izzy had been constantly in my presence, while she was normally very independent and a lot away from home, and Alec… he acted even stranger. He stayed away for ours, refusing to tell us where he had been, and if he was at home, he walked around with a blissful smile plastered on his face. Jace feared that he was taking drugs, but I couldn't believe that, and I wondered if it had something to do with that girl he had been talking about. I really needed to have a talk with him in private soon, because we were all worrying like crazy about him…

Somehow, I noticed that Maia had stopped talking, and I snapped out of my thoughts, back to reality. Luckily, she hadn't noticed I hadn't been listening, since she was just staring -not so subtle- at some guy who was standing against a locker not far from us. I remembered him vaguely as some friend of Jace of the football team, and by the way Maia was looking at him, it was clear that she was completely in love with him. "Who's that?" I smiled, causing her to wake up from her trance and blushing heavily. "Oh nobody, I was just…" "Staring at him like he is the only guy on earth?" I interrupted her, and now she blushed even more. "I am not! I was just looking at…" she said, and I laughed as she tried to come up with an excuse. I was just about to ask his name, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Startled by the sudden contact and the electric vibrations that were running through my arm, I turned around and looked into pure gold. I wasn't surprised to see him as he was the only one who could cause my body to react like this, but I did wonder what he was doing here, in public, talking to me. "Hey Clary, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked, and I saw in his eyes how much effort it cost to act like we were just acquaintances.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I saw her walking through the hallways with Maia, and I felt how my body tensed. I couldn't keep my eyes of her as she passed by, her gaze absent while Maia was talking enthusiast about something. I smiled wryly as I recognized that attitude: I had been walking around the same way the past few days, and I wondered if she thought of me as much as I thought of her... I excused myself from my friends and followed her through the corridors, determined to finally talk to her instead of avoiding her because I didn't know what to do.

I reached them just when they stopped walking, and I took a deep breath before I laid my hand on her shoulder. "Hey Clary, can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, and I knew how lame it sounded but I just couldn't figure out something else. I felt how she tensed a second before she looked into my eyes and relaxed, and I needed to control every muscle in my body to prevent myself from kissing her right there, right now, in front of everyone. "Jeah sure Jace." She said, her voice trilling so lightly I was probably the only one who noticed. "In private?" I added as I saw how Maia looked interested to us. No way was I going to talk while she was standing next to us! I saw how Maia looked at Clary, and as Clary nodded and said "It's ok Maia, I'll see you in class, right?" Maia turned around and left us alone. Hmm I had the strange feeling that she doesn't like me… "Come on, I know a place where we can talk in private" I said, as I turned around and started walking through the mass of students who were going to their classes.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I saw how he reached for my hand, before stopping in the middle of that movement, as just remembered that he shouldn't take it in public. "Come on, I know a place where we can talk in private", he said, and he turned around and way through the flood of students that was surrounding us at all sides.

I followed Jace, and as time passed by, less and less students surrounded us. "Jace? Where are you taking me?!" I asked, slightly irritated by his silence, but he just took my hand and pulled me through a door I hadn't even noticed until then. Before I could take the time to look around and take in my surroundings, Jace had already closed and locked the door, and we were both enveloped in darkness. For a second we were just standing there, both afraid for what could happen in the next minutes. It would change our relationship for sure, but the question was: in what way? For better or for worse? Finally, Jace put on the light, and I quickly looked around. Brooms, buckets… This was… "A storage room?! Really? That is like the most cliché hiding place ever in history!" I brought out, and he rolled with his eyes. "Oh I am sorry I couldn't figure out something else Clary! Unlike you, I am not the Queen-of-the-best-hiding-places-in-history!" Now I was the one who was sighing. "Don't try to distract me by fighting about something trivial Jace! Why did you take me here?" "Because I can't take it any more Clary! All those guys who are constantly flirting with you, my mates who are talking about how sexy that 'hot redhead that lives with me' is, guys who are just undressing you with their eyes while I stand next to them! I hate it! You are mine!" "Oh, so it's _my_ fault?! Don't be so possessive Jace! If a guy asks something to me, he doesn't immediately wanna have sex with me! And do you think you are the only one who is having a hard time?! Don't you think I wanna slap those girls in the face every time they are drooling over you, every time I hear them tell about how they are gonna 'be your girlfriend because they are perfect for you', every time I hear a new rumor about a girl you might have…?" I stopped shouting. The image that was forming in my head almost made me cry, and I didn't want to look weak. "Do you think I am cheating on you?!" he asked indignant, and I heard how much I had hurt him with my words. "Of course not! I trust you Jace, whatever you do, even if I'm a fool for it. But that doesn't mean that those rumors don't hurt me…" "I don't want you to get hurt." Jace said soft but passionate as he took a step closer to me. "And I don't wanna hurt you…" I said as I took his hand. "So maybe we shouldn't hide this anymore…" His eyes lit up as he heard my words. "That's all I wanted to hear" he said, after which he pulled me closer with so much force that I crashed against his chest, his lips exploring mine like they had never done before.

It felt like my entire defense got lost in this little storage room, vanished in the intense atmosphere that hang around us, and for the first time I kissed him back without any form of restraint. My hands followed the muscles of his back, and I felt how he smiled against my lips as we heard the school bells ring through the building. I tore my lips away for a second, breathing heavily. "Jonathan Christopher Lightwood, shouldn't you be heading to your classes?" I brought out, trying to sound stern but failing miserably. "No" he said, a dangerously sexy sparkle lightening up his eyes. "I'm already taking private advanced classes of biology…" "Oh really?!" I said amused, my lips only millimeters away from his. "Yes ma'am, and I am very passionate when it comes to practicum…" he winked, before he crashed his lips against mine and pushed me against the door, closing the last space that had been between our bodies. One of his hands disappeared under my t-shirt, and everywhere he touched me, it felt like my skin had caught fire. I sighed against his lips, and while my one hand lay around his neck, pulling him as close as I could, the other found its way to the bare skin of his back. I felt how desire was flowing through my veins, as some sort of electricity that powered me from within. "I can't believe we are doing this in what is probably the most cliché making out place of the entire school…" I said, his lips trailing down my neck and caressing my collarbone. "At this moment, I am the biggest fan of clichés on earth" Jace said huskily, and I couldn't think of anything sexier than that. "I couldn't agree more…" I whispered as I pulled him closer with my leg and kissed him slowly and passionate. He moaned softly against my mouth, a sound so deep and erotic that it made my body shiver. He started biting and sucking my lip, and now _I_ was the one groaning, and as my mouth opened, our tongs touched for the first time. One of Jace's hands was lying on my buttocks, while the other was playing with the lacy edge of my bra, and even though I had never gone so far with him -or anyone else- it didn't feel uncomfortable at all. "Jace… I am not gonna have sex with you in a _closet_!" I brought out in fits and starts between his kisses, and for a moment we tore away from each other. He looked me in the eyes and laid his hand on my cheek. "I know Clary. And I don't want it either… it has to be special…" he sighed laughingly. "But right now, you do make it pretty hard for me to keep that in mind…" He looked suggestive to my leg that laid around his waist and I blushed as I tore myself away from him. "I'm… I'm scared Jace…" I admitted. The idea of telling everyone about us, the idea of exposing me so vulnerable, made my knees buckle. "I know" he said, while he gave me a sweet, short kiss. "But I'll protect you."

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><p><strong>So... what did you think? I thought that it was time for some action... ;) Hope you liked it :D I really worked a lot on it, and I made it a bit longer to make up for the following... Wednesday, I leave for a festival, so I can't write for almost a week :( I am really sorry, but I will try to update as soon as I can :) Love you all xxx<strong>


	31. Actions speak louder than words

**I can only say that I am deeply sorry! My update is way too late, so shame on me! But honestly, this was just a b****-chapter to write o.o I could all see it in my head, how I wanted the things to happen, but I just couldn't... write it down, does that make sense? Hope it isn't too bad, I really tried guys xxx**

* * *

><p>137 minutes after I had left Jace, I was still thinking about everything he had said… and done. I probably had a constant blush and grin on my face, and most likely everyone was throwing weird glances at me… But I didn't care, didn't even noticed it, as I was in my personal Jace-bubble. I had been thinking about what Jace had said, and I knew there was no way back. He was so important for me that I had the feeling that I would fall apart if I lost him, so maybe it was time to take the step. Jump in the deep and just hope for the best. As long as Jace was by my side, I could face anything… right?<p>

In the time that I had been separated from Jace, a plan had formed in my head, and I knew it was time for action. Jace had reached out for me, and now it was my turn to show if I had meant what I said. My blood raced through my veins, my heartbeat was way too high to be healthy, and I had the feeling that I had to vomit; but this time, I wouldn't back down. I focused on my feet who were carrying me through the hallways. It was mainly empty, as school had ended and most students just wanted to leave as fast as they could. I must admit that in normal circumstances I most definitely would be one of those students, but not today… I had a mission.

I saw Jace at the parking of the school, talking and laughing with some friends of him. For a moment I stood still, taking him in, and I felt how I relaxed as I saw his face. He was amazing, and more important... all mine. My body was still tingling, my blood still racing and my heart still pumping, but somehow I did feel relaxed, as if I finally knew why I was doing this… for him. I started walking.

"Hey Jace!" I shouted as I came near, and I saw how they all turned their heads. They seemed confused by my appearance and stared at me, especially Jace. "Clary? What are y-" he started, but I cut him off as I closed the space between us, laid my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. For a moment he froze, confused by my sudden openness, but then he happily obliged, pulling me closer and answering my lips. Every time Jace touched me, electricity ran through my body, and this time was no exception. For a few seconds, we shut out the others, just living the moment in our own world, but I knew we couldn't do that forever. The shouting and whistling produced by his friends was kind of a buzz kill anyway… I took a step back, blushing as I looked into his eyes. They twinkled, and I was pretty sure mine were doing the same. "See you later?" I asked, trying to turn around and leave dramatically -ok I might be a bit of a drama queen…- but Jace wouldn't be Jace if he just let me do what I wanted. He curled his arms around my waist and pulled me closer again. "Damn sure" he said before he tried kissing me again, but I turned away from his lips and bend over to his ear. "See you tonight, honey" I said teasingly before I turned around, and this time I left for real.

* * *

><p>Jace's POV<p>

I stared at her as she left, and I knew that my friends were doing the same thing. It seemed I wasn't the only one she had bewitched… "I guess I can't ask you for her number anymore, can I?" Jordan smiled, and the other started to make similar comments. These were my closest friends, and I knew they were just teasing me. None of them would dare to steal another's girlfriend, that was bro-code, and I laughed along with them. Her actions had showed that she really meant it, she really wanted me, just like I wanted her, and I had never felt so over the moon before.

After 30 more minutes, I couldn't hold it any longer. I needed to see her. "I think I'm gonna bail tonight guys… I think I'm needed at home…" I grinned as I took my keys out of my pocket. Cheers rose as I started my motorcycle, some of my friends making ambiguous comments that I wasn't going to repeat. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do… honey!" Jordan shouted as I drove away, and laughingly I showed him my middle finger. God I couldn't wait until I got home, because Clary and I sure as hell had a lot to talk about…

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

I was sitting at my room, listening to music and reading a book. As Izzy and I were driving home, I had constantly feared that she would say anything about me and Jace. I was pretty sure she hadn't seen anything, since her car had been parked at the other side of the enormous parking, but still… Not that I was planning on hiding this for her; that was simply impossible and I just didn't wanted it anymore, I was tired of all the things I was hiding for her… But that didn't mean I wasn't scared as hell for her reaction. And in my opinion, there were better ways to find out that your brother is dating your friend than seeing them kissing in front of his friends…

I wished Jace was already here, so I could ask him how we were gonna do this, how we were gonna tell his parents, and Alec and Izzy, but I knew I would have to wait until this evening. Izzy had casually told me he had plans with his friends, going to a café to see some football match on tv -which I thought was very strange at a Thursday night- so I probably wouldn't see him before dinner, and I… hated it. I knew it sounded overly-attached and pathetic, but I was missing him already… Jeez, I really had to do something about this, I normally wasn't like this: all… fluffy and nauseating romantic. I closed my eyes and laid my book over my head, listening to my music that was blasting through the speakers. Avicii was singing, and I could entirely relate to his words…

_Guess I should have seen it coming,_ _  
><em>_caught me by surprise...__  
><em>_I wasn't looking where I was going,__  
><em>_I fell into your eyes.__You came into my crazy world like a cool and cleansing wave.__  
><em>_Before I knew what hit me baby you were flowing through my veins..._

_I'm addicted to you,__  
><em>_Hooked on your love,__  
><em>_Like a powerful drug__  
><em>_I can't get enough of,__  
><em>_Lost in your eyes,__  
><em>_Drowning in blue__  
><em>_Out of control,__  
><em>_What can I do?__  
><em>_I'm_ _addicted to you!_

I sighed. Maybe this song wasn't the perfect distraction… I heard a knock on my door, and I didn't even bother to remove the book that was lying on my head as I shouted "Come in!" It was probably Izzy, and I knew she could handle my weirdness just fine, so I just kept lying in my bed.

_I couldn't live without you now, _  
><em>Oh, I know I'd go insane, <em>  
><em>I wouldn't last one night alone baby,<em>  
><em>I couldn't stand the pain!<em>

I assumed she would immediately start ranting, like she always did, but she didn't, and a feeling of discomfort started to grow in my stomach. I slowly removed the book of my face, and as my eyes get used to the light, I could see a figure standing next to my door.

_I'm addicted to you! _  
><em>Hooked on your love, <em>  
><em>Like a powerful drug<em>  
><em>I can't get enough of, <em>  
><em>Lost in your eyes, <em>  
><em>Drowning in blue <em>  
><em>Out of control, <em>  
><em>What can I do? <em>  
><em>I'm addicted to you!<em>

But this wasn't a woman's figure… It was… "Alec?" I said, my voice sounding as surprised and puzzled as I felt inwardly. "Euhm, I'm sorry Clary, I didn't want to disturb… I just… I mean… I…" Alec started, but it seemed like he was even more confused than I was. "It's fine Alec, I wasn't really doing anything useful... just take your time…" I said, and I heard how he took a deep breath. "I need your help" he finally brought out, his lips moving so fast that I almost couldn't understand him. His eyes were filled with despair and confusion, and his voice trembled as he spoke again: "I really really really need your help".

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><p><strong>Wohoooew dramatic ending :) I know I'm a terrible person, but I just can't help it :p I thought that it would be nice to have some time between Alec and Clary in the next chapter, because I just like the idea of a Clary and Alec who really... get along. :) What do you think, is that a good idea? Or should I just focus on clace? Review or PM me, because I am just so curious to hear your opinions! love you all xxx N.<strong>


	32. They know

**Tadaaaaaaaaa new chapter! *applause* :D Ok I got to warn you all, this chapter is a bit different from the others... I thought that after all the latest Clace fluff, it was time for the other ¨relationships in this story to evolve... read and enjoy (hopefully :p)**

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

"Alec! Calm. Down. I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on, so stop ranting and just tell me what I need to know... without freaking out please." He stopped pacing and smiled softly, as if he didn't really found it funny but still couldn't help but smile. "I'm being a drama queen, aren't I?" He said, but he didn't sound offended, as if he was just… stating a fact. After some deep sighs, a few coughs and finally sitting down next to me, he apparently had found the strength to talk, and I listened carefully to every word he said.

"I'm in love Clary... And it's wrong, and stupendous, and it makes no sense at all, and still... I love it. I love being in love, even though I know that I shouldn't be doing it... There is so much to lose that if I think about it, I just break... I could lose everything, everyone, and still I can't force myself to break this off... Everything is screaming no, every fucking brain cell in my head is screaming no, but it's like I can only fully register that one little, soft, fragile voice that says: maybe..." he stopped talking abruptly, as if he only now noticed that he was telling his secret to someone he barely knew.

I thought about what he had said for a moment, and I saw how he looked expectantly at me, like I had the answer to all his questions. Alec wasn't the one to ask help, wasn't the one to... talk and open up, so I knew this was serious... "Look Alec, I'm not really an expert when it comes to love... or life in general, but in my opinion, there are only two options... You can stop this now, deleting every way of communication, and just ignore her as long as you need, until she finally backs of... Which she will, eventually, maybe after years, maybe after days... But trust me, I tried that once, and it tore me apart." I thought about Jace, and about how dark my world had seemed when I had shut him out. "But sometimes, in rare, magical occasions, love is just so powerful it can't be silenced, no matter how hard you try. I know it might sound dull, but I believe that nothing is more powerful than that... no obstacle, no criticism can stop you then... Because to be honest Alec, I think that's all that will be there in the end: love."

He swallowed hard before he answered. "And do you think you would still think the same if it wasn't a she, but a he?" He finally said, his tone somewhat challenging, as if he didn't believe I would still approve it. "Does that make any difference?" I asked, and I saw how he wanted to contradict that, so I just kept speaking. "Does he love you as much as you love him?" I asked, and I saw how a soft smile appeared around his lips when he thought of that guy."I'm afraid he does..." he said, and now I was the one smiling. "Then it doesn't matter. Go for it... Don't be scared of the things you don't know... Just try them out."

He shook his head, his shoulders hanging down as if he was utterly defeated. "I can't Clary... My parents... and Izzy and Jace... Especially Jace... I don't know what they're gonna do when this comes out... What if they hate me? What if they never wanna see me again?" His voice was on the verge of breaking now, causing me to do something I never had expected from myself: I hugged him. All the time I had been here, I had somewhat been scared of Alec, afraid that he didn't like me as he was always silent and serious. But now I knew that hadn't been my fault... All the time, he was just struggling with himself, and he was too afraid to talk about it, scared that we would judge him. No wonder he tried to shut everyone out.

Maybe we had more in common than we thought at first...

I felt how he hugged me back, at first a bit hesitant, but later on so tight I almost couldn't breathe. "What's his name?" I asked, and with a trembling voice, he brought out: "Magnus, his name is Magnus." I couldn't help but tear away from him, and I couldn't hide my astonishment either. "You are in love with Magnus Bane, the richest, most glittering man of Brooklyn?!" He laughed as he looked at me, and his voice had warmth that it normally didn't have. "I think I am..." I sighed: "Well, you sure as hell know how to pick your lovers..."

* * *

><p>Jace's POV<p>

"How long are Clary and you already dating?" Izzy asked as I rushed into the kitchen, eagerly to find Clary. "Since- ... Wait? What?! How do you know?!" I asked puzzled, surprised by this unexpected Izzy-attack. "I am Isabelle Lightwood... Of course I know." I knew I had told Clary that they wouldn't be mad, that they would be happy for us, but I had to admit that it was making me quite nervous too, now I was standing in front of Izzy. "Look Izzy, don't be mad at Clary, we were going to tell you soon, but-" I started, but of course, she interrupted me. "Why should I be mad at Clary?! I am glad you finally found out you liked each other, I mean, I already knew for weeks that you were a good match... But to be honest, boy did it take you guys long to find that out!" "Soooooo... You're not mad? You don't think this is a bad idea?" I asked cautious. "Last time I dated a friend of yours you-" She interrupted me, again. "...threw a vase at your head, I know. But this is different, you are different." she said, and now I was frowning. "You've changed Jace..." she said."In a good way. You're not such a jerk anymore, so I think I should give you the benefit of the doubt... Which doesn't mean that if you do hurt Clary I won't castrate you..." Hmmm I could have thought that after such a surprisingly friendly comment, she would still start threatening me... "I don't think I ever could hurt her without destroying myself with her..." I said, and she just started laughing. "I think you should watch out, Blondie... I think you're turning into a pussy already..." and with that she turned around and left the kitchen.

I had to admit it: my sister had an impeccable taste for dramatic departures... And I really had to forbid Clary to ever use that nickname again, because it was spreading like a fatal disease...

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

Alec had almost left my room, but I couldn't let him leave... not yet. He had been so open to me, had told me his biggest secret, and I was just sitting here... lying. "Alec, wait!" The words had escaped my mouth before I had really thought about it. And to be honest, I had no idea how to tell him about Jace and me... For a few seconds, the room was filled with silence, until I broke it as I started ranting. "I don't know how I should tell you this, so I'm just gonna go for it... I am in love... with Jace. That rare, magical love I was talking about? Well I didn't really believe in it you know... I thought it was something that only happened in fairytales... But then I came here, and I... and I found Jace. And I know that you all want the best for him, and I know I am not the best he can get, but I want you to know that ... That I am trying damn hard to become the best I can be! Somehow, he appears to love me as much as I adore him, and even though that is ridiculously, I'm still gonna go for it... I can't stand it to be without him, and I can't even imagine what I would do if he left, but for now, it seems like he is staying, and I really hope it will be forever... I think we all deserve a fairytale in the end, don't we?! "As I stopped talking, I noticed how I was out of breath and on the verge of breaking... I just wanted him so badly to approve it, and I was so terrified that he wouldn't...

"Clary, you just told me that you still back me even though I am in love with the most glittering man of the universe... How could I ever disapprove your relationship? You're probably the best thing that could ever happen to him...

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><p><strong>Ok sooo WHAT DID YOU THIIIIIIIIINK! :p i soooo wanna know if you liked this chap so tell me tell me tell me! :p (besides that, I need some distraction, since school has begun :s) I know that you are all eager to know about Clary's past, and trust me, I am working on it... I just want it to be good, so I am still figuring out parts of it... I love you all and I hope you still like the story :) xxx N.<strong>


	33. Revelations

**Ok I officially give you the permission to mentally shoot me down for updating so late :( But my grandmother is in the hospital, so I don't have a lot of time to write :( and on top of that, my computer broke down, so I am writing my entire chapter on my phone, which just... SUCKS! :( I hope you still like this chapter, even though it is just a filler :( I'll try to make next chapter a bit more...exciting :)**

* * *

><p>Jace's POV<p>

I stormed into Clary's bedroom and the only thing I could bring out was: "She knows". At the same moment, she caught my look, and she whispered: "He knows". We both looked into each other's eyes, confused about what the other had said. "Wait, who knows what?" I managed to say, and she looked at me in confusion. "Alec, he knows about us..." My eyes widened. "Did he see us too?" I asked, searching in my memory if I had seen him there. Now she was the one who looked shocked. "Too? What do you m-" she stopped in the middle of her sentence and her mouth formed a perfect "O". "IZZY? DID IZZY SEE US?! Omg she is so gonna kill me..." I saw how she started panicking and I quickly took her in my arms. "Ssssshhht, it's ok she wasn't mad, she... liked it." She looked up to me. "She what?!" "I don't know Clary, she was talking in mysteries, I don't get her at all! But I swear she said she didn't mind!" Confusion was written all over her face, but in her eyes I could see how eager she was to believe me."Tell me everything she said. Everything." she almost commanded me, and I smiled softly. She was the only girl who could talk to me like that while I didn't even mind... "Fine, but you need to tell me how Alec found out." She started blushing. "He didn't" she said, and a bit timid she continued: "I told him". I couldn't believe my ears! I laughingly shook my head. "Ok, now we definitely need to talk..."

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

Jace and I were lying on my bed, next to each other with our feet dangling at the left side of my bed. We were both in silence after telling the other what had happened today. I had doubted a moment, before deciding to hold back what Alec had told me. Of course I felt incredibly guilty as I told Jace that Alec had just been here to help me with my homework, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was his secret after all, and it wasn't mine to reveal.

"Maybe we should like... you know, arrange a meeting?" Jace said, making me look up in confusion. "A what?" I brought out. "Alec and Izzy? Let them come to your room, so we can just talk this out for once and for all." I sighed, maybe he was right... Just the short pain instead of worrying for uncountable more hours. "Fine!" I said, knowing that I would regret this within a few seconds. "But don't use the word meeting ever again, or I'll kill you right here, right now!" He didn't answer, but just laughingly reached for his phone. "Sent!" he said after a minute, tossing his phone to the side and crawling closer to me. "And I told them to meet us in half an hour in the movie-room, so..." He didn't finish his sentence, but the dangerous twinkle in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. "And what are your plans for the next 30 minutes?" I teased him, getting closer until there where only inches of space between our lips. "Oh I think you know damn well!" he said, before he grabbed my waist and rolled me over, causing me to lie on top of him. "Hmmm I think I can agree to that kind of time-passing." I said smilingly as I placed a kiss on his forehead. "I think I can too" he whispered, before pulling me closer and kissing me passionately.

* * *

><p>Izzy's POV<p>

As I came into our so-called movie-room, I was surprised as I saw Alec, laying on the couch and busy texting. "What are you..." I started asking, but I stopped in the middle of my sentence. As it hit me, I rolled my eyes. "Is this one of Jace's meeting again?" Jace had the annoying habit of calling us all together when he wanted to make "an announcement" (his words, not mine). Most of the times, the things were uninteresting and I didn't really pay attention, but this time I already had an idea on the subject... And I was gonna hear every single letter he spoke.

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><p>Alec's POV<p>

Izzy entered the room with her typical ado and glamour. "What are you...?"she started, but she didn't finish her sentence. It was silent for a moment, in which I ended my text to Magnus. Just as I sent it, she started again."Is this one of Jace's meetings again?" She said, pronouncing the word "meeting" as if it was poison in her mouth. I hated it when she talked so condescending, but I didn't say anything... As usual. Not that I enjoyed Jace's "meetings", but I just knew they were important for him. Maybe it was a bit strange for outsiders, but I knew how important family was for Jace, and he just tried to... share things. In his own way.

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

I came into the movie-room, slightly panting (from running through the corridors of course), and I blushed ashamed as I saw Izzy and Alec already waiting for us. God Jace always with his distractions! Jace followed immediately after me, lightly resting his hand on my back as he stood still next to me. He cleared his throat. "Sorry we're a bit late guys, we were..." Izzy immediately picked in. "Busy? We can see that..." her tone was suggestive, and I felt how I started blushing like a fool. I looked to Jace, seeing him grin as he pulled me even closer. His hair was messy -and very sexy- and I was pretty sure what Izzy had meant, and I was sure he knew it too. But it didn't seem like he cared, like he had accepted that... that they knew. "Yes we were." he said satisfied, and I slapped him hard. I was happy that the others knew, but they didn't need to know everything! "Shut up" I whisper-shouted, and now they were all laughing with me. It almost seemed like a family conspiracy!

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><p>Izzy's POV<p>

"Soooooo" Jace started, a laugh still audible in his voice. "I think we all know why we are here" he said, "but we just wanted to be sure that both of you are "approving" our relationship." Alec and I rolled our eyes. "Really Jace? Approval, isn't that a bit... old-fashioned?" I said, and I saw how Clary grinned a little. Clearly I wasn't the only one who sometimes hated Jace's formal ideas. "It's really important for us Iz..." Clary said carefully. "So we can just be sure that..." I stopped her in the middle of her sentence. "That you are good enough for him? By the angel, Clar! I don't get why you are always so insecure! You are amazing and he doesn't even deserve you-", I heard how Jace protested against that, but I just ignored him. "But I got to admit... You are a hell of a couple!" Alec nodded. "Well I wouldn't have said it like that, but that's pretty much the point. You're part of this crazy family now Clary, if you want it or not."

Jace and I looked surprises at Alec, who wasn't normally so... friendly and talkative. I really had to find out what was changing him... I immediately started thinking again, wondering, but my stream of thoughts was interrupted by Jace. "Well, as this is all sorted out, I think we should go and tell mom and dad Clary." She immediately became a few tints paler as she nodded. "Yeah we should." And with those left the room, their hands intertwined.

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

Maryse started laughing after Jace had tried to casually bring up our relationship (resulting in him awkwardly blurting out: Clary and I are dating, is that alright?"). "Would you stop dating if we didn't approve?" she asked, and I felt how my heart cringed a little. What would he say? Would he really say no? I mean, I knew he had promised it, but it was his family after all... "Not in a million years" Jace responded immediately, his voice firm and his grip on my waist even firmer as if he was protecting me from an invisible power. "Then how couldn't we approve?" she smiled as she enveloped me firmly in her arms. She caressed my hair in a loving way as she let go of me and turned to Jace, whispering something in his ear as she gave him a kiss on his cheek. All the time, Robert had been standing in front of us, just... smiling and doing nothing. And he probably wouldn't even said anything if Maryse hadn't give him a subtle punch. "Well, you know we love you Clary. I think Jace has a very good taste, just like his father." I could see a twinkle in his eyes as he turned around and slowly walked away. He really was a strange guy...

* * *

><p>Jace's POV<p>

My mother whispered in my ear: "I am so proud you finally found something you want to fight for honey. So proud." And for a moment I couldn't hear anything else, I could only see her fierce, proud eyes.

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><p><strong>I really hope this chapter wasn't too bad : I'm not entirely happy with it either, so... Feel free to tell me what you thought of it, or give me some tips for the next chapters :) **

**Oh and another question... I'm still a bit doubting about some things with Clary's past, so if anyone would wanna hear my ideas in a PM to help me out, I would really appreciate that. (you can PM me or just tell me about this in a review and I will answer you :D) The others who don't wanna know it yet, don't panic, I won't reveal anything on my account before its time ;)**


	34. The world may see

Jace's POV

As I woke up that morning, I felt how stress was running through my body. Yesterday had been a day full of tension, and… it wasn't over yet. Yesterday, Clary and I had agreed that we wouldn't hide us anymore... for anyone. And even though I pretty much didn't give a shit about what anyone at school thought of me, or us, I knew Clary did. And somehow along the way, I had become the pussy-boyfriend who cared more about the feelings of his girlfriend than about his own.

A shy, short knock on my door woke me up from my reverie. Clary was standing in my doorway, and she looked more like an angel than was fair. Or maybe angel wasn't the right word, because besides looking amazingly beautiful and elegant, she also looked devilishly sexy.

She wore simple blue skinny jeans, with a dark green top that made her eyes glisten like stars. Her high brown heels ticked against the floor as she shyly put a few steps into my room. "Can I...?" She asked, causing me to smile a little. I loved it when she did those little things, the things that showed me that she understood me and accepted every twisted side of me. "Can I ever say no to you?" I said, stretching out my arm to take her hand as she walked up to me.

"I hope you never will" she grinned as she bent over me and kissed me slowly. I had been sitting on the edge of my bed, but as her lips caressed mine, I slowly laid down, pulling her with me. She giggled slightly as she stumbled a bit and fell down partially on me. "Oh Jace" she brought out between burst-outs of laughter. "I'm sorry, I'm such a klutz!" I shook my head as I kissed her bare shoulder that lay on my chest. "No. You are adorable!" I placed another kiss, this time in her neck. "And beautiful" I caressed her jaw line with my lips. "And sexy". She looked into my eyes, the fire visible in her eyes. "And totally yours" she whispered, before pulling me closer and kissing me with so much fire that shivers ran up and down my spine.

* * *

><p>Maryse's POV<p>

Izzy and Alec were sitting at the kitchen table, arguing about something trivial, as laughter reached my ears. The outburst of pure joy that filled our house as I was making coffee came from the corridors, and I turned around to seek this source of happiness. Only seconds later, Jace stormed in, a nickering Clary lying over his right shoulder. Laughingly, Jace put her down, gently pulling her closer to give her a quick kiss on her cheek before taking place at the table. As she sat down in front of him, I saw that both their eyes shone with excitement and... love; and satisfied I took a zip from my hot freshly made coffee.

For years I had worried in silence, afraid that no matter how much love we gave Jace, it would never be enough. We were the only ones he had connected with after his parents' murder, and I was afraid he would never be capable of letting go that loss. That it would remain so heartbreaking all-consuming painful that he would never open up again. That there would never be space for anything else than grief. But somehow he had been strong enough to finally let someone in again, and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Not that he hadn't been happy before, but now he was just... shining like a bright star.

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

"Ja-ace! Stop it!" I said, trying to push his hands away from my waist. "It's not because I'm blindfolded that you can do anything you want!" I tried to sound stern, but I couldn't help but slightly feel satisfied because I wasn't the only one who had issues to keep my hands off. "You don't sound entirely sincere my dear!" He whispered in my ear, his lips caressing my cheekbone. "At least I try!" I said, laughingly pushing him away as much as I could without seeing a thing. "And if you don't finally show me 'your surprise' I am not gonna touch you for an entire week!" I added. "Oh Clary, already pulling that card after a week? You are so evil!" he just grinned. God why does nobody ever take my threats serious?!

After teasing me for a few more minutes, he finally started taking off my blindfold, exposing my eyes to his black motor that was standing in the garage. There laid two helms on it, and I felt hoe my eyes widened. "Are we going to...?" I brought out in amazement. He smiled. "I thought you would like it so..." I nodded eagerly. "When are we leaving?" I said excited, and I saw he was just as eager as I was.

Moments later, I was sitting behind Jace on his motor, holding him tightly as I felt how the motor came alive beneath me. Jace looked sexy as ever with his leather jacket, and I was secretly happy that I had an excuse to cling on to him. He turned around with a smirk: "Oh and Red... Not touching me for a week? That's impossible. I'm way too sexy for that." And after those words he turned around, and we left the driveway with screeching tires.

* * *

><p>Random male student's POV<p>

A black motor drove up the school terrain, and the driver parked it swiftly and almost with some kind of... arrogance. Clearly, the driver was arrogant enough to think he owned all the space on this place, because he took in an entire parking lot with his motor. Or he was so popular and rich, he just didn't have to care about 'trivial' things like angry students/headmasters.

I was talking with my friends, but at the same time, I held an eye on the people on the motor. The driver took off his helmet in a routine movement as he stepped of his vehicle, revealing the golden curls every person of our school knew. Jace Lightwood. Of course it was him…

As I looked around me, I saw that more and more people started watching him, and especially the mystery girl next to him. In an elegant movement, she took of her helmet as well, exposing an explosion of red curls that reached till her mid waist. She was... She was sexy as hell…

Last days, there had been some rumors about Jace, especially last night for some reason, but clearly they hadn't been all so rubbish after all. Because as the entire school watched, he pulled her closer, his hands on her waist and her body slightly pressed against the motor. I was standing pretty far away, but even I could see it was... passionate. She broke away with a smile, and he took her hands as they walked up to the building, clearly not caring about any stare they felt on their back as they entered the school building. The Lightwood family was like royalty at The Dungeon, constantly watched and imitated, at the same time loved and hated. Some even whispered they actually leaded the school, in some sort of young secret mafia gang style, but that was pretty much the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard... But if rumors like those already spread like fire, than this would probably spread like a fatal disease; and the ones who hadn't seen it in real life, would soon receive an expanded description of their friends. I think today a lot of girls dreams will disintegrate into shards as their imaginary relationship with thé Jace Lightwood has been ruined by a very real redhead...

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><p><strong>Oke sooooo what did you think? I really tried to show some different perspectives on the story in this chapter, so I hope you liked that :) Please tell me where you want this story to go, because I kind of have the feeling that... I don't know... that people are losing their interest to my story and I really wanna change that! xxx N.<strong>


	35. Going on?

**Aloha everyone! :) lovely to see you all! :D New chapteeeer! Oh and special thank you to artistofthemind, because you gave me a hole new idea for this story! : YOU ARE AWESOME! **

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

My life had changed. Entirely, insanely changed. And then I was still making an understatement...

In less than 2 months I had become orphan, had moved out of my home and moved in into a... gigantic villa, and I was one of the most popular and known people at school because of my new boyfriend -my new, amazing, perfect boyfriend that somehow liked me too- and for the first time in years, I was... happy.

I got to admit, I still didn't like it if people were staring at me just because I was spending time with the Lightwoods, and I totally felt guilty by all the expensive gifts the Lightwoods –and especially Jace and Izzy- gave me, and I missed my parents like hell. But overall, I was happy, and that was more than I had been in the past 4 years. Was everyone that had told me that time healed everything, right? That in time, you got used to any situation? That the past got blurry and you eventually almost forgot everything bad you did? Or at least didn't think about it 24/7? I really wanted to believe it, believe that one day I wouldn't be sick to my stomach when I thought about my past but I could just...Give it a place at least. But my nightmares were telling me otherwise. Every night that I woke up screaming, panting, silently crying, I knew it was just some excuse. An excuse people had invented to shush their conscience... But I knew the truth: some things carved so deep into your heart, so immensely deep that nothing can ever heal it. Nothing... Or no one.

I hated it if I was in this mood, so tired and sick of myself and... everything, that I just wanted to end it all. I knew that wasn't a way out. That it was just cowardice to run from my problems like that, but god did it sound tempting sometimes...

I heard my phone ringing and snapping me out of my reverie. I looked at the caller ID: Maia. Maia had become one of my best friends last weeks, and I loved the talks we had between our classes. I tried to shake off my depressing thoughts. By the Angel let it be about something good and positive, I thought as I picked up my phone, because I would get a breakdown right here right now otherwise. "Hey Maia, what's up?"

* * *

><p>Jace's POV<p>

Clary's door was open, and I silently peeked inside. She was lying on her bed, her head bungling of the side as she was talking to her phone upside down. I leant against the door stand, smiling as she was talking enthusiast about something, with Maia probably. I saw how she noticed me, and a warm smile lit up her face. "Maia, I got to go... But I promise I am going to make it work!" she said, after which she turned off her phone. "Make what work?" I asked curiously, but she just grinned and moved her eyebrows up and down. "Nothing" she said with a mischievous smile. "What? No come on Clary! You got to tell me!" She just laughed. "No... You are way too curious than is good for you, so I'm gonna... train you." She was now grinning so loud that she almost fell of her bed, which made her laugh even more.

Normally, I wouldn't be able to forget something like that. I would demand that they told me what was going on, just as long as needed, because I just couldn't get past it otherwise. But since I had met Clary, normally wasn't really... an option anymore. Everything was extreme with her... the bad moments and the good moments... And so I suddenly found myself in her arms, not caring about anything else than her. God, I was pretty sure she could do whatever she wanted with me, and I would even care...

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

I laid on Jace stomach, listening to his calm breathing as he was playing with my hair. We weren't really doing anything, just listening to music and enjoying each others company. I had put my IPod on shuffle, and I heard how one of my favorite songs started. I leant on my elbows to look at Jake as I listened to the song, and I felt how my hart skipped a beat as he opened his eyes too. Without words we looked at each other, without blinking or losing attention, we were completely focused on each other and the music that was surrounding us.

Made a wrong turn  
>Once or twice<br>Dug my way out  
>Blood and fire<br>Bad decisions  
>That's alright<br>Welcome to my silly life  
>Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood<br>Miss, no way it's all good  
>It didn't slow me down<br>Mistaken  
>Always second guessing<br>Underestimated  
>Look, I'm still around…<p>

Pretty, pretty please  
>Don't you ever, ever feel<br>Like you're less than  
>less than perfect<br>Pretty, pretty please  
>If you ever, ever feel<br>Like you're nothing  
>You are perfect to me<p>

You're so mean  
>When you talk<br>About yourself  
>You are wrong<br>Change the voices  
>In your head<br>Make them like you  
>Instead<br>So complicated  
>Look how big you'll make it<br>Filled with so much hatred  
>Such a tired game<br>It's enough  
>I've done all I can think of<br>Chased down all my demons  
>see you do the same<p>

Pretty, pretty please  
>Don't you ever, ever feel<br>Like you're less than  
>less than perfect<br>Pretty, pretty please  
>If you ever, ever feel<br>Like you're nothing  
>You are perfect to me<p>

The whole world stares while I swallow the fear  
>The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer<br>So cool in lying and we tried tried tried  
>But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time<br>Done looking for the critics, cuz they're everywhere  
>They don't like my genes, they don't get my hair<br>Strange ourselves and we do it all the time  
>Why do we do that?<br>Why do I do that?  
>Why do I do that?<p>

Ooh, pretty pretty pretty,  
>Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel<br>Like you're less than  
>less than perfect<br>Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel  
>Like you're nothing<br>you are perfect to me  
>You're perfect<br>You're perfect to me  
>Pretty, pretty please if you ever ever feel<br>like you're less than, less than perfect  
>Pretty, pretty please if you ever ever feel<br>like you're nothing  
>you are perfect to me<p>

Jace took my head in my hands, and on the last notes of the song, he kissed my lips and pulled me up closer. "Clary?" he said, his voice not more than a whisper. "You _are _perfect to me Clary, I hope you know that right?" he said passionately, sending shivers down my spine. "And you are my definition of perfection Jace" I answered emotionally. A smile lit up his serious gaze, and he kissed me again. "Clarissa, would you do me the honor of letting me paint you?"

* * *

><p>Alec's POV<p>

"I can't do it Magnus! They can't know! I can't... They will... Everybody would..." I stopped for a moment, trying to calm my thoughts so I could at least form an entire sentence. "They will hate me." I finally brought out, and I was startled by the ultimate desperation that was audible in my voice. "If they hate you for this they aren't worth you love Alec." Magnus said, his face serious and his eyes so bright and... old. Magnus was only a few years older than me (he didn't want to tell his age, of course!) but it seemed like he had been on earth for centuries. He knew so much of... of everything. I sometimes felt so childish and... unworldly.

"Don't let me choose between you and them, Magnus. Don't." Magnus stood up. "You know I wouldn't." he said firmly. "But this is ripping you apart Alec." I wanted to contradict that, but he interrupted me before I could speak a word. "Don't even think of saying you don't Alec. I can read you better than you can read yourself."

Wretched I fell down on one of the black glittering chairs in Magnus living room. "I don't know what to do Magnus..." I let my head rest in my hands. Magnus sat down in front of me, slowly peeling my hands of my face. "We'll work this out Alec... We're gonna find a way to work this out..."

* * *

><p>Mystery male student's POV<p>

Since that one day, I had become hooked on Clary Fray. She was mesmerizing in every way, and I couldn't stop staring at her. I was constantly searching her, but even if I found her, I wasn't satisfied. She didn't know me, didn't even notice me, and most of all, she wasn't mine. I knew this wasn't healthy, but I just couldn't stop myself from... obsessing. I wanted to be as close to her as possible, but popular and lovable as she was, she was almost always encircled by friends and acquaintances. Especially by that cocky, arrogant, self-absorbed Jace. God how I hated him!

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><p><strong>OOOOKEEEY so what did you think about this new chapter? :D I really hope you liked it! I made it a bit longer than my last ones, because I updated so slowly :(<strong>

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed/followed/favorited! Because of all that support, I am going to make a promise: I am gonna try to update once a week (probably somewhere in the weekend)! I hope this makes you a little bit happy :) I promise I will try! xoxo N.**


	36. Look through my eyes

**Ok as I promised: a new chapter AND in time :D I did my best, so I hope you like it :p enjoy this fluffy Clace moment :) xoxo**

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

Paint...? ME...? She brought out in shock. "Jeah..." I said, pulling her entirely on top of me. "You." Her emerald-green eyes were wide open, completely... shocked. "But why?" She asked confused. "Why me?" I pressed my lips against her neck. "Because you are beautiful." She turned a cute shade of pink, from the top of her head to her toes. "No I am not" she said, her voice muffled as her head was buried in my hoody. I hugged her and kissed her head until she looked up. "Yes you are, and I'm gonna show you."

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

Jace's hand was resting lightly on my back, as he was leading me to his room, and even this minimal contact made my heart beat a little faster. Even though we were together for 28 days (not that I was counting), I was still hyper aware of every movement he made, especially if those movements included touching me. He pulled me a little bit closer as he tried to open the door to his bedroom, refusing to let me go even though I was clearly hindering him. "Jace..." I started laughingly, but stubbornly he shook his head and finally unlocked the door. "See", he said with a triumphant smile, "piece of cake!" I rolled my eyes, but that effect was pretty much ruined by the smile that was plastered on my face. Really, I couldn't help it, but he was so cute when he did things like those: carrying me when my feet hurt, opening the door for me,... He always wanted to be a gentleman to me, proving me that he really had changed and this wasn't just a flirt for him... And even if he was sometimes a bit too fanatic, I couldn't help but find it extremely cute.

He leaded me to his bed, slightly pressing me down before he started to rumble through one of his drawers. After a few minutes, his room had transformed into a mini atelier, including an easel and a lot of pencils, paint brushes and other things of which I didn't even knew their function. As he looked up with twinkles in his eyes, he almost looked like a little child who had just gotten a new toy. "Uhm Jace, what do I have to do? Shouldn't I wear something else? Or I don't know..." my voice trailed off, my nerves stopping me from going on. I knew I was turning a shade of red as he eyed me unashamed. "Just be yourself, that is already..." his voice haltered for a moment."Perfect" he finished his sentence, and I knew I was blushing even harder. The air between us was thick, filled with desire, and I tried to take a deep breath. "If you want me to sit still for more than an hour, I suggest you stop giving me complements before I do something I shouldn't do." I brought out, more honestly than I had wanted to be. But my spontaneous words had some effect, because he scraped his throat and nodded slowly. "Euhm ok..." he said, still a bit confused and ... nervous? "Maybe you could sit in the bay window? I think the light will perfectly accentuate..." I interrupted him before he could compliment me again. "Uh uh, no compliments." I walked to the window. "Tell me how I need to sit." I tried to sound as professional as possible, afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from doing something I would regret later...

* * *

><p>Jace's POV<p>

Clary sat on the windowsill of my bay window, her legs bungling down and her head resting against the window. Her red curls were lightening up as fire by the sunlight, her cheekbones and lips accentuated by light while other parts were hidden in shadows. Sometimes I caught myself staring at her for minutes without sketching or painting, just mesmerized by her natural beauty and fierce attitude. Even if she was just sitting there like now, she almost emitted an inner strength I had never seen before. And right now, it was my intention to catch it so she could finally see it herself...

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

I tried to stay calm as I sat on his windowsill, but it seemed like my skin was on fire and my heart running a marathon. Every time his eyes ran over me and back to his drawing, an extra boost of energy ran through my body, making me wonder how it was possible I was still alive. The only thing keeping me from insanity, was staring at Jace. I knew that must sound cheesy and insane, but somehow it did. As long as I didn't look into his eyes at last... I followed his jaw line, the muscles of his arms, the bow of his lips... In my eyes, everything was perfect, and I didn't really mind doing this for hours...

* * *

><p>"I am ready" he said, and those three words were like an electric shot, running through my veins and putting all my senses on edge. I gulped difficult, my throat and mouth suddenly dry. I slowly stood up, trying to shake of my nerves as I walked up to the easel. "Can I... Can I see?" I asked, suddenly inexplicable afraid that he might not wanna share it with me. "Of course you can..." he said with a warm smile. "You have to!" he added, as he took my hand and pulled me on his lap. At this moment, I was so focused on seeing his painting, that I wasn't even distracted by his hands encircling my waist and the lack of space between our bodies. My eyes were focused on the canvas in front of me, and I saw something I had never ever seen before...<p>

It was me, but at the same time it wasn't. Even though painted, the girl in front of me was staring right in my soul with big emerald-green eyes... My eyes... But they weren't really that overpowering, right? I always thought that my hair was the only thing people noticed, but here... This girl was perfectly balanced, the small features of her face supported by her eyes, her hair fierce and prominent though somehow... fitting. The entire painting was radiating some sort of inner strength and determination that I could almost feel on my skin. Every pencil stroke breathed out love and affection, care and trust, and it was just... overwhelming.

"Do you really... see me like that?" I asked wonderingly, and in response Jace laid his head in my neck, placing sweet kisses in my neck as he whispered in my ear. "It's not even close to your beauty." My cheeks burnt. "You're insane, and talking nonsense" I said, trying to mask my emotions that were whirling inside of me, "but this... this is... the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life." His lips stopped moving, and his breath stirred for a moment. "Thank you" was all he said, and I knew this meant more for both of us than we could ever explain...

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><p><strong>Ok I think that was… a pretty cute moment huh ;) I hope you liked it… Please tell me how you want the rest of the story to evolve, because I am just so interested in how you guys see the story and the characters. Do you wanna find out more about Alec and Magnus? Or Izzy? And about Clary's past? :) TELL ME :p than I can add that in my next chapters :)<strong>

**PS: I know I'm a horrible person, but my next update will probably be in 2 weeks instead of one. :( But I do have a good excuse: I am going to Rome for a week! :D So I am sorry, but not… really :p Because it's fucking Rooooome! :p But I do know it sucks that I won't update :( so forgive me please xxx N.**


	37. Simon

**Woehoew! New chaaapter *little victory dance please* :p I really tried to update in time, but things were hectic this week :p But I can promise you that this was worth the wait, because you will learn more about Clary's past! PARTY!**

**I want to "dedicate" this chapter to the guest with the name Kailey who left the most amazing review with a genius idea! Thank you soooo much! I love you! You gave me so much inspiration, resulting is this chapter :) it is one of the longest chapters I've already written, so I can only say one thing: enjoy!**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

After Jace's painting, I tried even harder to be the girl he wanted me to be: strong, fierce, beautiful and... good. If he could believed I was all that, then maybe I could really become it… He was perfect for me, and so I had to try to be as perfect as possible for him. I wore the clothes Izzy chose, I tried to act more confident at school, I tried to look happy and I applied layers of make-up in an attempt to hide the dark circles underneath my eyes. Because it seemed that the more I started to like my future, the more my past tried to kill me... For a while, it had been possible to sleep decently at night, and I thought that maybe it would be finally over. But of course, I had been wrong. For some unknown reason, my nights were back to their miserable and lonely self, the time seeming to be frozen as I was caught in nightmares and fear. And this time, I couldn't knock on Jace's door anymore, because he would see how miserable and pitying I really was...

I looked at the table in front of me as I saw Jace making his way up to the bar. This noon, I had practically dragged him to the Starbucks around the corner of our school, dying for some caffeine and some privacy. Everyone was constantly watching us at school, and I could almost read their minds as they were judging me: not beautiful enough, not popular enough, just not good enough for thé Jace... Sometimes I wondered if I wasn't just fooling myself, thinking that Jace loved me as much as I craved him. But then there were these moments, where he looked at me in that one way I couldn't even describe, and I knew that I wasn't fooling myself. It was insane and unbelievable, but therefore nonetheless true: this was love.

And that made it even worse. Because if this ended, I would never survive it... I looked at his back as he stood in line to order us coffee, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. How could life make you so happy and so miserable at the same time?

* * *

><p>Jace's POV<p>

I walked up to the bar, central in the Starbucks. It was freezing outside, and Clary and I were both dying for some warmth. As I was lining up, I noticed how the guy behind me was constantly throwing glances to Clary. Maybe I was just being a bit overprotective, but boy that guy had never heard about subtlety before I guess. I tried to ignore it at first, but his nervous behavior and his clear interest for Clary were bothering me endlessly. I had just ordered as I could no longer stop myself and turned around. "Could you please stop checking out my girlfriend? She is not available so get off." I said irritated. The guy looked at me through his giant glasses, his eyes wide open, and his mouth almost fell open. He was remarkably smaller than me, and he was clearly nervous and scared. "Oh god no... no! It wasn't like that! I would never… Clary would kill me, she-" I stopped him mid-sentence. "You know Clary?" I brought out surprised. He nodded vigorously, clearly wanting to prove his innocence."Of course I know her! I'm her best friend!" He quickly corrected himself. "Was. I was her best friend…"

I couldn't be more amazed than I was right now. This little…. rat-boy, Clary's best friend? I corrected myself mentally: former best friend. "That's impossible" I brought out. "She never told me about…" Now he was the one interrupting me, although it was nervous and a bit insecure. "… about anyone in her past?" I wanted to counter it but I knew he was right. Clary never told me anything… I heard how the guy sighed loud and he replaced his glasses a little before he spoke. "Look I'm not looking for trouble… But you're her boyfriend, right? There are things you need to know…" He took a pencil from his pocket and wrote down something he handed over. "I just want you to know that I'm not doing this for you, ok? I don't care about you, but I do care about her. Still. And she is killing herself like this. So call me when you're ready to know." He stepped out of line, and I stopped him before he could leave. "Wait, your order…?" I brought out, too stunned to come up with anything else than the stupid fact the he was leaving without anything. "I'm not hungry anymore" he said, before turning around and leaving.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I woke up with a start from my daydream, realizing that I probably had been staring into nothing like a lunatic. I hadn't even seen how Jace ordered coffee or how he brought them back to us, he was just suddenly in front of me, carrying two steaming hot coffees in his hands. He seemed somewhat dazed, like he had been daydreaming just like me, and a bit worried I asked if he was all right. Jace wasn't really the person to be… distracted. "Everything's fine, honey" he answered, giving me a distracted kiss on the forehead before putting down a cup of coffee in front of me. I sighed internally, knowing that if Jace didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't talk about it whatsoever... So I decided to let it rest. I wouldn't be the noisy over-obsessing girlfriend like so many girls at school... No, I would give him time so he can sort things out on his own... Maybe it was just something trivial about the latest soccer training or something like that, so I really didn't need to worry, right? I mentally slapped myself and took a huge zip of my coffee, trying to stop my brain from overreacting. Unfortunately, this resulted in me burning my tongue and almost choking... And even then, Jace almost didn't react... There really was something wrong...

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><p>After school, Jace brought me home with his motorcycle. We entered the house, his hand holding mine, and it seemed like I had just imagined Jace's strange behavior from earlier. He was smiling and talking about school and was teasing me around, and I wondered if the sleep deprivation was just making me paranoia... Jace searched in the kitchen for some food, resulting in two brownies that were devoured in seconds. I shook my head in amazement: how could he eat so much and still have this amazingly sexy body? He caught me looking, and in a few steps he stood in front of me and gave me a long, loving kiss. His arms were curled around my waist and a shiver of enjoyment ran down my spine. The taste of his lips combined with the chocolate of the brownies, was intoxicating. But all too soon he let go of me and picked up his bag in the same movement. After some excuse of having a lot of work for school, he quickly left the room and I heard him ran up the stairs. I was… confused. This wasn't normal, right? Was he acting strange, of was I just getting insane?<p>

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

My hands were running through my hair, my eyes glued to the paper in front of me. I had locked myself in my room after kissing Clary, upset that the encounter from earlier had influenced me so much that it was even occupying my mind as I kissed Clary… Normally I forget everything as soon as I touched her, my brain only focusing on her, but this time… My mind was going crazy and running in circles, my heart racing. What the hell was happening to me?!

For the past 20 minutes, I had been debating the pros and cons of calling this mysterious guy. On the paper were only digits and his name, Simon, but still I was looking at it like it preserved the answer to all my questions. Because crazy enough, that could be the case… If I was brave enough to do this.

If you had asked me 3 months ago that I would be stressing like this for something about a girl, I would have arrogantly laughed it away. But this isn't three months ago, and I most certainly had changed. I was so eager to know more about Clary's past, so I could help her accept it like she helped me accept mine… But she just wouldn't talk about it at all, and even if I denied it to her, it was driving me insane. So why was it so hard to just call the damn number? Honestly? Because I was afraid that she wouldn't forgive me if she found out. Like, ever. I knew it would hurt her, and I had almost convinced myself not to call. But as I held the paper above the paper bin, I couldn't force myself to let it go. Because there was this one sentence that kept replaying in my mind: "_I don't care about you, but I do care about her. Still. And she is killing herself like this."_

Suddenly I took my phone, dialing the number before I would change my mind. I couldn't deal with these secrets anymore... "Hello? Simon speaking, who's this?"

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I entered Izzy's room, finding her on top of her bed reading some gossip magazine I didn't knew. "Hey, can I…" I started, but as soon as she looked up she interrupted me. "…have a make-over?" she completed my sentence. "Honey, not to be mean, but you look terrible! What have you done?" I shook my head, after all that time still overwhelmed by her brutal honesty. "I was just going to ask to study here a bit, but this sound like I don't really have a choice, do I?" She was already up and rumbling through her make-up: "Yes indeed my dear, so sit down and let me work my magic…"

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I met Simon in 'Bloody Daylight', a café in the center I had never noticed before. It was little and poorly lighted, giving it a shady, mob-like atmosphere. Not really suiting for the guy I had met earlier… Simon was sitting at a table in the left corner, his fingers fumbling with his phone. I was a bit relieved that I was at least not the only one being nervous and uncomfortable about this. As I sat down, he quickly looked up, his phone dropping at the table and suddenly completely forgotten. "I hadn't expected you to call so soon" he said honest, and I rolled with my eyes, trying to act all cool and relaxed. "Do I seem like a person that is easily scared?" I said, and he shook his head with a smile. "Wow, cocky and idle… Clary sure as hell knows how to pick them…" I felt the blood race through my veins: "Don't you dare talk about her like you know her, you-" He interrupted me: "…know her much better than you do? Look, were not gonna debate on who she likes more: that's obviously you. But right now, you need me, so you can leave the arrogant attitude behind…. Just listen to what I know, and then do whatever you want with that information, that's the most I can do for Clary…" We both looked surprised after his rant, and he almost seemed out of breath. "Ok…" I said hesitant after a while. "I'm listening…"

"Clary and I had been friends for… like ever. I can't even remember how it was before I met here… She was always there for me to help me when I got bullied at school as she was really popular and everyone listened to her. By hanging out with me and defending me, she forced the others to accept me. Otherwise, they wouldn't be friends with her anymore, and nobody wanted to risk that… And even though I was happy I didn't have to be scared to go to school anymore, I still tried to show her how fake her friends were, how they were living on her popularity and didn't give a damn about her personality. I knew that if she let them down, I would be back to my usual nerd-bullying status, but I didn't care if I could protect her from being hurt like that. But she just didn't want to listen, she always saw the good things in people…

For outsiders, she had the perfect life, but I knew her better, and I always helped her out if she couldn't handle it anymore with her parents. They were very demanding, always wanting her to work more, achieve more, get more medals for whatever was possible. And sometimes Clary couldn't take it anymore, so stressed that she had severe panic attacks. But her parents didn't know, and neither did her friends, because she wanted to keep up appearances. I told her to search professional help, but she never wanted to, claiming everything would be alright as long as I supported her. And you know how stubborn she was, so there was no way of changing her mind. So I let her sleep at my house and helped her to calm down, while she lied to everyone about having some sleepover. I was afraid that one day she would finally break, irreparable, and I tried as much as she allowed me to prevent that from happening. And for a while it seemed like everything was getting better, and I thought that maybe everything would be alright… But then the accident happened, and…" he stopped talking, clearly having a hard time reliving all of this. "What accident?" I asked soft, afraid for what would come next… He shook his head in disbelief: "She didn't even tell you about that?"He closed his eyes for a moment, mumbling: "Oh Clary what are you doing for Christ sake?". "What accident?" I asked again, louder this time, unable to hide my worries. "The car accident in which her mother died…" I tried to keep breathing calmly as he continued. Clary had only told me that her mother died 3 years ago, and that this year her father had too, refusing to say more about it than that one sentence. "She lost control of the car and she drove off a cliff… she died instantly… Clary's life fell apart, and the more I tried to help her and be there for her, the more she pushed me away. She never left the house apart from school, and soon her so called friends tossed her aside like some garbage. She was of no use any longer, now she wasn't popular and happy anymore… For months I tried to reach her: calling her, visiting her, mailing her, writing her, talking to her father… But she ignored every attempt, building walls around herself until no one could reach her anymore. I still looked out for her, of course I did, how could I not, but it was secretly, from a distant. I saw how she became even skinnier and paler than she already was, all happiness leaving her body as she mourned for her mother, and there was nothing I could do. "How dared you leaving her alone like that, how could you bail on her when she needed you most?!" I brought out seething. "You don't understand. You weren't there… She was like a bunker: impenetrable and unreachable. She didn't want my help; she didn't want any help…" "And her father?" I asked, trying to understand it. "He did the same. We almost never saw him, and when we did, he acted like we didn't exist.

Only after more than a year and a half, she finally started to handle it, and it seemed like she had finally found her way back to life. She still didn't talk much, but at least she greeted me as I passed her in the hallways, and we even sometimes ate lunch together at noon. I started to believe that maybe one day, it would be just like before between us: that she would allow me to support her instead of shutting me out. But then, one day at school, I noticed she wasn't there. I started to ask around, and after a while, I heard that she had lost her father. He had had a heart attack the night before, and I knew this would destroy her. As soon as I could, I drove to her house, but she wasn't there anymore. They had brought her to a trauma center and I wasn't allowed to see her. She wasn't even at the funeral, and after a few weeks, I heard she had left town. Her house was on sale, and that was the last time I heard anything about her, until this day…"

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><p><strong>Ok that was... a lot of information! :p I really hope you liked it, because I've put a lot of work in it... Let me know what you think about these new things please, I am so curious! :D (PS what did you think of Simon? Should I integrate him in the story or let it stop after this encounter?) xoxo lots of love N.<strong>


	38. Decisions

**Useless to deny: I don't own anything :( Enjoy the chapter :)**

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><p>I entered the cocktail bar in a miniscule dark blue dress, borrowed from Izzy's store-sized wardrobe. She had made me –no, she had <em>forced<em> me- to "transform me" for more than an hour. I had almost fallen asleep as she finally claimed her masterpiece was finished. But claiming that 'her piece of art couldn't go down unnoticed', she dragged me to a fancy, popular cocktail bar in midtown. It was nothing like the Old Haunt, but on the other hand, it was very… Izzy-like. After claiming a table, Izzy went ordering while I sat down and acted like I knew what I was doing here. But not even a very short, tight dress, killer heels, a clutch and Izzy's make-up-skills could hide that I didn't belong here. I picked my phone out of my clutch and typed a message to Jace, in the mean time admiring my glittery dark blue nails.

"_Izzy practically forced me to go get a drink some place called Morgensterns… Is there any way of getting me out of here? -I'm wearing a very short dress if that can help ;)- C._

Izzy sat down next to me, but that was… pretty fast, as I saw the crowd waiting at the bar. Only then I noticed she wasn't holding any drink, and surprised I asked: "Did you give up getting us drinks?" Izzy laughed loud and shook her head, looking like I had just said the most ridiculous thing on earth. "Of course not you silly thing!" I frowned in confusion. "But ho-" I started, but I was interrupted by a young, handsome man who put two light green drinks in front of us. "Two daiquiri's for the beautiful ladies, please". The guy was extremely handsome and couldn't keep his eyes of Izzy, and I wondered if he was Izzy's type. He had a stubbly beard and deep brown eyes, and he had this confident air that showed that he was very aware of his nice features. I saw how Izzy fixed her eyes on him, and I saw how her eyes started to shine. Ok, definitely her type… "Thank you…?" she asked interested. "Meliorn" he said, and I saw how the same spark of interest was visible in his eyes… I checked my phone again as the two of them kept flirting, hoping that Jace had already answered. But there wasn't a message, and with a slightly heavier mood I looked up again.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I was sitting in Shadow Park, under the three where Clary and I had spent several hours talking, laughing and kissing. My head was a mess. All the things Simon had said just didn't fit with my image of Clary. Sure she had a hard past, I knew that, and to that part of the story, I could relate… I knew she had built walls around herself, and I even thought that maybe they were slowly coming down, but panic attacks?! How could she have never told me, how could she hide this from me? Did they stop? Or did she just… not trust me enough to talk about it… My phone rang, and I quickly looked at the message I had received. It was Clary…

"_Izzy practically forced me to go get a drink some place called Morgensterns… Is there any way of getting me out of here? -I'm wearing a very short dress if that can help ;)-_

I tossed my phone next to me, not able to respond to her message at this moment. I had so opened up to her, had told me her almost everything, and she… I mean I knew there were things she didn't want to tell me, she had even warned me she could never tell me about it, but… Oh fuck it! I didn't know what I was thinking anymore. I have always known that she was one big mystery, that there was an option that I would never solve the mystery she was entirely, but I didn't knew it was that bad. Maybe I had been arrogant, thinking that my past was the worst there could be, but I had never thought that Clary was this… vulnerable. I can't imagine how bad her panic attacks must have been as both her parents died and she had to go live with a new family all on her own… I felt like I was in love with someone I didn't even know…

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><p>Sebastian's POV<p>

I couldn't believe my eyes. It was like my eyes were playing a game with me, as a fata morgana produced by my brains. Was Clarissa Fray really sitting at a table in my father's club? Was she really wearing this insanely sexy dress that took my breath away and made my knees week? I took a shot of Grey Goose-vodka, trying to calm down. She was only accompanied by Isabelle Lightwood, and I couldn't be happier that she was finally free of that Jace. Finally I would have a chance, and I would not let it slip through my fingers…

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

An hour later, Izzy was hanging half over the bar, exposing her… strong points. Meliorn tried to impress her with his bartender skills, and somehow she managed to look interested and unapproachable at the same time. I didn't get it how she always fell for the wrong guys, always for the ones who did not respect her and only wanted her as a trophy. I emptied my cocktail and checked my phone again: no sign of Jace. I looked around the bar, and saw that Izzy was now behind the bar, flirting with Meliorn as he taught her to make cocktails. I sighed: she wasn't going to leave any soon. Maybe it would be better if I just called a cab and went home, because this evening was already one big disaster. I had just taken my phone as a new cocktail appeared on my table. And it was accompanied by a very handsome young man. His hair was white as snow, his eyes entrancing and impossible to define. They were a dark, deep color I had never seen before… They made you at the same time mesmerized and uncomfortable. He wore a dark blue suit that perfectly followed the outline of his body, showing he was slim but muscular, and it was… rather distracting. "I'm afraid it's gonna take a while before your friend goes homewards, so I thought you could use another drink…" I frowned my eyes… "I wasn't going to stay…" He laughed. "I know, that's why I bought you the drink… It's an excuse to make you stay…" I was startled: was he… flirting with me? "I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend."I said, trying to sounds stern. "Sure. But he hasn't been with you all evening, and didn't even take time to text you..." I laughed uneasy. "How do you know?" He took a sip of his whiskey as he sat down. "I do my homework when I want something…" I tried not to look at his perfectly shaped lips as I took in his words. "I'm sorry. I can't." I said, unwillingly throwing another glance at my phone: nothing. "You can't what? Have fun? Enjoy a delicious cocktail without the consent of your boyfriend?" "Do not talk to me like that!" I brought out indignant. "You don't know me." A dangerous spark lit up in his eyes. "Then let me." I knew I had to go home, to Jace, my _boyfriend._ But my boyfriend was acting weird all day, he didn't answer my texts, and I felt really really alone at this moment. The alcohol was starting to work, making me light-headed and reckless, and his presence wasn't making things any easier. I took a deep breath before I reached for my glass: "What's your name?"

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><p><strong>XOXO N.<strong>


	39. Shattered

**New chapter! :) I know it has been a while, but I think this chapter will make up for this... I hope you like it, because things are coming together and I think the end of the story is getting closer...**

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><p>Clary<p>

I was officially the most horrible person on earth. I knew it for sure, there couldn't be anyone more villainous than me... I couldn't believe I had almost done it: I had almost cheated on Jace. I had almost cheated on that one person on earth who still loved me even though he knew I wasn't perfect, even though he knew I had a past so terrible I couldn't tell him about it. The more the alcohol in my blood diminished, the more I hated myself. Sebastians lips had been so close... I had pulled away, sure, but for a few seconds, I had actually wánted it. For a second, I thought that maybe Sebastian was the only one who could fit with me: an attitude as dark as my thoughts, a personality as twisted as my past. But then I thought about Jace, and I knew that there wouldn't ever be anyone else for me... Even if we were not made for each other and he would sooner or later found out what a horrific person I was, even if after that moment he will never wanna see me again, even than I could never stop loving him. It just wouldn't be physically possible. It would be like stopping yourself from breathing: impossible and unnatural. I sank down on the floor in the middle of my room, and in the complete darkness, I let everything wash over me. Guilt, shame, pain,... anger. I threw my phone across the room, and it hit the wall with a loud crack. And I started to throw even more stuff, fuelled by an inhuman rage. Books, pillows, a vase, ... it all ended on the floor, shattered and damaged like I was myself. I shouted, I cursed, I... I couldn't stop. I couldn't bring myself to sanity, and I finally broke down completely, just like I had always feared would happen. I fell down on my knees, tears finally finding a way out, and I cried for everything I had lost. Everything I was about to lose.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I couldn't take it any longer. It was 8 am and I had been pacing around for more than an hour. Everything Simon had told me, was whirling around in my mind like a raging storm, and I knew there was only one way to stop it: I needed to talk to Clary. But how? She would be so mad because I went behind her back... And even though I was mad and hurt she had kept all of this a secret, I couldn't help but worry what would happen if things really got ugly... God I simply couldn't live without her anymore...

I wondered when Clary and Izzy had come home, because they still hadn't been home as I went to bed around 1 am. All of a sudden, anger struck me, as I thought about how she probably had a great night while I had been worried sick about her. You know what? If she could stay up so late, than she could wake up this early to answer my questions too. I deserved the truth...

I knocked impatiently at her door, but I wasn't surprised as it remained silent at the other side of the door. She was probably enjoying her sleep as I stood here like a moron, tired because of a lack of sleep that had been caused by HER. I opened the door with a loud bang, wanting to wake her up, but as my eyes saw the havoc, I froze. It was like a storm had been raging through the room. Her bureau chair lay at his side on the floor, books, cushions and shards were spread across the floor as if someone had thrown them around the room, and her blankets lay in a heap in the corner of the room. I took a step closer to her bed as I realized it was completely empty... where was she?! I looked around closer, and now I noticed that it wasn't just a pile of blankets in the corner... they were wrapped around Clary, who was staring absently into nothingness. She didn't move an inch, not even as I stepped closer and kneeled in front of her. It was like she was looking straight through me.

_"Severe panic attacks" ... "one day she would finally break" ... "could variable from minutes to hours" _Simons words were circling in my head, accompanied with the things I had read on internet, and I felt how shivers ran down my spine. This was bad... really bad...

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

_3 hours earlier_

I sat in the corner of my room, cocooned in my sheets, trying to hold my grip to reality. I knew it couldn't be true... But that didn't make it less vivid. I still saw him, standing right in front of my room, and I couldn't keep my eyes of him. I thought I got finally rid of him, that he would finally stop hunting me, but he didn't. Even after his dead, he wouldn't let go of me. I could hear his voice in my head like he was still alive, and it felt like I got hit with a hammer. _"It's all your fault Clarissa. You've ruined everything. Again. You're a filthy piece of crap, and no one will ever love you..." _The words coming out of my fathers mouth were the same as ever, but now they were resounding in my head like a cruel mantra, and it tore me to shreds...Because the worst part, was that I knew they were true...

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I sat in the ambulance as a paramedic was giving Clary an injection, and I wondered what he was doing with my girl. I had been holding her hand all the time; from the moment I had called 911, to the moment where the paramedics loaded her into the back of the ambulance. They couldn't say what had happened to her, only giving some vague hypothesis about an acute stress reaction, wanting to examine her further in the hospital. They didn't want me to go with her, but I yelled and begged until they consented, knowing I wasn't going to give up. And that's how I ended here: in an ambulance, holding the hand of my unconscious girlfriend, as I wondered what on earth I had done wrong.

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><p>After hours of waiting, I finally got the permission to see her. I hated it, how she was laying there so still. This wasn't the Clary I knew... My Clary was warm, active, busy, radiating... I saw her body, right in front of me, but I knew her mind wasn't here. It was hidden somewhere in the corners of her body, protecting her from something unknown. I took her hand and rested my head against the mattress as I sunk down in a chair next to her bed. I felt so helpless and ignorant; I all I wished was that she would come back to me and tell me how I could protect her for the rest of her life. This was all my fault... I should have protected her...<p>

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><p>I woke up disorientated as someone touched my shoulder, and I almost fell of the chair I had been sleeping in. It was Alex, accompanied by a tired looking Izzy. "You should get some sleep Jace." Alec said, resting his hand on my shoulder. I looked at Clary, laying there in the hospital bed. Sleeping so calmly, as if nothing had happened. I had so many questions, but they wouldn't be answered tonight. "I can't." I simply said, and I knew they understood. Izzy sat down next to me and held my hand. "We're not letting you do this on your own Jace." she said, and Alex nodded as he sat down on my other side. "We're in this together." he agreed. And so we sat there next to each other, waiting for a new day to arrive, waiting for answers…<p>

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><p><strong>Please tell me what you thought about it! :) Your reviews really mean the world to me, and I am so curious to hear how you think the story will evolve. Suggestions, questions, ... everything is welcome. Love you all! xoxo N.<strong>


	40. Confusion

**Ok, I know it has been forever since I updated :( But as a peace-offer: a new chapter :)**

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><p>Izzy's POV<p>

I stood in the hallway of the hospital, watching Jace through the window of Clary's room. I had 2 cups of disgusting hospital coffee in my hand, but I couldn't force myself to enter the room. Jace looked so… small as he was sitting there, her hand clamped in his, his head resting against the edge of the bed. I felt so insanely guilty, even though I didn't really knew what had happened after we came home from Morgensterns. Was it something I had said? Something I had done? Had I missed some signals? Honestly, I had no idea, because my memories were very… blurred. I swear I never touch a glass of alcohol again!

All of a sudden, I remembered something… The entire night I had been with Meliorn, saying to myself that Clary wouldn't mind since she was talking with some guy herself. I wasn't worried at all, knowing that she would never cheat on Jace. But as the night progressed, it appeared like they really were getting along. They sat close to each other and talked the entire night, and for a moment it had crossed my mind that that guy seemed a little too eager. But I had ignored it as Meliorn had drawn my attention with another cocktail, and I hadn't really paid any attention to it after that.

Next thing I remember is her grabbing my arm and practically dragging me out of the club and into a cab… What had happened between her and that guy? What had caused her to flee away from there? And what for heaven's sake had caused her to end up here?

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><p>Maryse's POV<p>

As I watched my son drive away in an ambulance, holding the hand of his girlfriend, I felt my heart cringe. Of course I was worried about Clary, who had really become part of this family, but I couldn't deny I was worrying more about my son. Because that was what Jace was to me… He was not just an adopted child for me… He was just as much my child as Izzy and Alec were. And I was so insanely terrified this would tear him to shreds. He was already so damaged, and this could be the fatal blow… And it was my entire fault.

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><p><em>A few months earlier…<em>

"_I know I shouldn't ask this Jocelyn, but you are my last hope. None of the other foster-parents want her. They all refuse to take her in without knowing her past, and I can't say they're wrong… But she really is a good girl, and she deserves a chance on a better, decent life…" "But why doesn't she want me to know her past? How can I help her without knowing her story?" I brought out, startled by this strange request. Taking in a 17-year-old girl, without knowing anything about her? Jessica sighed. "She's afraid you will treat her different, that you will care about her past, and not about her future. And I know that you would never do that, but I cannot change her mind. If you don't do this… I am afraid she will stay in this orphanage for years… And that would break any reasonable person." "Jessica, this is…" She interrupted me desperately. "Please Maryse. You're my only hope. You are her only hope…" I sighed. "I need to think about this Jessica… I need to discuss it with Robert. I will see what I can do…"_

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I tried to open my eyes, but it seemed like a heavy, wooly blanket was enveloping my brains, forcing them to rest in a blissful peace for a few more moments. I felt how someone was holding my hand, breathing silently next to me, and I hoped with all my heart that it would be Jace. I didn't know what was going on, but as long as he was there to hold my hand I was determined to outlive it all. I tried to wake up my brain, begging it to work and let me talk to Jace, and slowly, I started to gain back the possession of my body. I used everything I had in me, to confess my body to squeeze in the hand that was holding mine, rock solid convinced that it had to be Jace who was holding me. Maybe it was stupid and irrational and wishful thinking, but it was all I could focus on right now. As soon as I squeezed the hand, I was welcomed by the most beautiful voice in the world, even though it didn't sound as bright as normal. "Clary?! Are you there?!" he shouted out, his voice sleepy and panicky. "Clary, don't worry! Everything's gonna be alright! I am here for you!" he brought out, stumbling over his words, and I felt how my heart skipped a beat. I loved him so much. "Help! I need a doctor! She's waking up! Izzy! Alec! She's back! Help! Someone!" He was shouting, and even though I could hear his words loud and clear, I had no idea what they meant. 'She's back'?! What did that mean? I felt how I started to sink away in this wooly, muted world again, but I wasn't desperate. I knew I would return, and I had Jace's voice to guide me back.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

"Sir, you need to calm down." One of the nurses said, as I was pacing around in Clary's room. "But she was awake! She squeezed my hand! For Christ sake why doesn't anyone believe me?!" "There is no evidence on the monitors that she has been out of coma sir. You might have made a mistake; it happens a lot that..." I interrupted her rudely. "I AM NOT INSANE! I FUCKING FELT HER SQUEEZING MY HAND! AND I KNEW IT, I FELT IT: SHE WAS AWAKE!" "Jace?" I heard a weak voice behind my back, and I felt how the nurse gasped for air. "Cl… Clary?" I brought out, before I practically jumped onto her bed and took her in my arms. "Be careful!" the nurse I had just pushed away shouted, but I totally ignored her. Clary smiled as I kissed her on the forehead, but confused she stammered: "What's going on Jace? Where am I? Why is everyone staring at me?" I felt how she was tensing up, and I rubbed her arms gently, trying to calm her down. The nurse started talking again about examining Clary, and all that kind of stuff, but I heard how Izzy and Alec just sent her out before leaving the room too. They gave me and Clary the privacy that we needed, and I couldn't be more grateful to them than at that moment. I looked at Clary, who was still staring at me questioningly, and I gently took her hands in mine. "Honestly? I don't know Clary. But I love you, and no matter what happens, I'll be right by your side."

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><p>Maryse's POV<p>

I saw how Izzy and Alec were standing in front of Clary's room, arguing with a nurse and stopping her from entering the room. "Just give them 2 minutes!" I heard Alec say, as the nurse tried to pass Iz who was standing on front of the door. Confused I made my way up to them and demanded some information, after which Alec gave me a quick resume while Izzy kept sending dead glares to the nurse.

After sending the nurse to get a doctor, I turned to Izzy and Alec. I knew I had to be mad at them, they couldn't just start bossing around people who were doing their actual job, but I couldn't help but smile. "You guys are insanely loyal, and I don't know if I have to admire or regret that…" was the only thing I could say, before I entered Clary's room and interrupted Clary's and Jace's conversation. "Clary, darling, I am so happy to see you!" I said, before I hugged her quickly. "A doctor will arrive every minute, and I will make sure no one interrupts him before he has fully examined Clary." I shot a glare at my three children, but I saw none of them were really sorry for their actions, and I decided I would handle that later. "And after that…", I said, as I looked to Clary and Jace, "we need to talk."

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><p><strong>Voila! Ok this was just a filler chapter, but I really needed it to build up to next chapter, where a whole lot of things are gonna be revealed! :D I'll try to update soon, but I can't promise anything :p Oh and, please let me know what you think has happened in the past with Clary, and what could happen when things get unraveld! xoxo N.<strong>


	41. Confessions

**Surpriseeeeee! New chapter! :) I really tried to update soon, because I think you all deserve a present for being so awesome and supportive! :) Happy New Year, and may all your dreams come true! :) Hope you enjoy it! ;)**

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

The doctors' examination indicated I was perfectly healthy, but they still wanted to keep me in the hospital for a few more days, just to be entirely sure that everything was alright. They were convinced that my 'attack' had a psychological origin, and that it would be a good idea to consult a psychologist to make sure this would never happen again. And I knew they were right and that I couldn't keep living this way, but I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to open up like that and tell my deepest secrets.

As the doctor left my room, I heard him talking to my family outside. I was terrified that they would think I was some freak as soon as they heard I was practically declared insane by the doctors, but when they walked into my room, they surprised me once again. They all hugged me and said they would help me tackle my problems, acting so sweet and understanding that I honestly asked why they were doing all this for me. I brought nothing more than problems to their family, and still they were helping me out while I really did not deserve it. They reacted almost offended, as if it was just a crazy idea that they wouldn't take care of me. "Your family" they said, "How could we not have your back?" they said, and I felt how my heart glowed as I looked at those 5 faces that were more precious to me than anything else had ever been. And at that moment, I decided that they deserved to know the truth… And there was one person who I needed to tell first…

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><p>Izzy's POV<p>

Clary scraped her throat difficult, clearly moved by our willingness to support her as much as we can. "I know I have scared you all yesterday, and I am so so sorry about everything that has happened… And I know you all deserve the truth about my past, and it was unfair to hide it from you guys while you made me feel so welcome and safe, but I was just scared that…" she stopped mid-sentence, searching for words, and I took her hand to let her know she wasn't alone. "I just… I just want you to know that I'm sorry, but… I don't know how to tell this to you. I've kept this a secret for such a long time that I just…" she sighed as she tried to explain herself, and to my surprise, my dad interrupted her. "Clary, you don't need to justify yourself to us. Of course we want to know what has happened in your life, but we only want to know it so we can help you with your future. No matter what you have done, you deserve -just as everyone else- a second chance. And when the time is ready we will listen to your story, but only you can decide when that time has come, and I think I speak for all of us if I say that we will respect that." We all stared at him for a moment, as it was probably the longest speech he had ever given to anyone. "I completely agree honey" my mother said as she took his hand, and she almost looked proud because he had finally spoken up. "And now Clary needs some rest" she said firmly, before she almost literally pushed all of us outside. "I'm gonna stay here, mom." Jace said, and I saw how my mother nodded slightly. "I know" was all she said, before we said goodbye to Clary and left her room.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

I sat in the chair next to her bed, where I had practically spent the last 36 hours, and she smiled as she intertwined her fingers with mine. "I'm so sorry" she said with a sad smile, as she planted a kiss on my hand, and I shook my head as I sat down on the bed next to her. "Don't be." I said, as I touched her cheek. "Because I'm not sorry either. I don't regret a single moment I have spent with you, and I never will." She took in a deep breath, and pulled me closer, until our foreheads were resting against each other. "I love you Jonathan Christopher Lightwood, and I will do everything I can to deserve a life with you by my side." For a moment, it felt like the world just stopped moving, stopped living. It was just Clary and I, and I didn't give a damn about anything else in the world than her. "And I love you." I said, before I pulled her closer and gave her a long, loving kiss.

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

As Jace's lips touched mine, all my worries momentarily disappeared. I laid my arms around his neck, pulling him down so he lay next to me, and I felt how he smiled against my lips. "Someone seems a bit enthusiast…" he laughed, and I pulled away for a second while raising my eyebrows. "Are you complaining?!" I asked playful, but the only answer I got were his lips that trailed down and started discovering my neckline. A shiver went down my spine, and I closed my eyes for a moment. But then I thought about Sebastian, and I suddenly froze. Jace frowned, and looked up confused. "Clary? What's wrong?!" he asked confused, and I sighed. "I need to tell you something, about the night I went to Morgensterns… It's one of the reasons why I…" he immediately sat straight up, looking completely focused. "I… I met some guy called Sebastian. And Izzy was flirting with another guy, so he… accompanied me while I was there alone." I saw how he visibly paled, but I needed to tell him now because it wasn't fair to hold this back. "And at the end of the night he…" I felt how his hands tightened his grip on mine. "He tried to kiss me… And I am so so sorry, and I really hope you can forgive me, and I…" He stopped me midsentence. "Wait… He _tried_? As in, he tried en you stopped him?" he asked confused, and I nodded vigorously. "Yes of course I stopped him! But I mean, I still-" he interrupted me again. "You still what? Talked to him?" he laughed soft before he continued. "I'm not forbidding you to talk with other guys Clary! Why should I be mad at you if you turned him down? It's not like you can help it that you are so sexy, right?" he said, a cheeky smile plastered on his face. "So you're not mad?" I asked careful, just to be sure. "No, I am not honey. It only shows that you are faithful and that you love me…" I gave him a long kiss, before I answered. "You are the most amazing boyfriend ever…" I smiled, and he laughed as he answered my lips. "I know!" he said teasing, as he rolled us over so he was hovering over me. "Asshole" I muttered, while I planted my lips in his neck and my hands slid under his t-shirt. "I love you too babe..." he grinned.

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><p>Jace and I were still making out, as there was a soft knock on my door and a nurse came in. Jace let go of me, and we awkwardly watched as the nurse put down my food and left the room again, the entire time a knowing smile plastered on her face. "Oh don't look so embarrassed guys", she laughed before she closed the door, "I have been young and in love myself!"<p>

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><p>I woke up with a start, heavily breathing and silently crying. It was the umpteenth nightmare since that night, and it took a few seconds before I realized I was safe and he wasn't here anymore to do all these things to me. And it took me a few more seconds to realize Jace was awake and staring at me. He smiled sad as he took me in my arms, soothingly caressing my arms. "Another nightmare?" he asked, and I nodded as I tried to wipe away the tears. I knew he hated it to see me like this, and I hated it that I made him see me like this. "I wanna help you so, so much Clary. So much it actually hurts, because you just don't let me." He sighed, his voice no more than a whisper. "I know Jace, I know." I brought out, trying to let myself be calmed down by his embrace. "Then why don't you let me in Clary? We are so much stronger together. After all this time, you still don't trust me...?" he said, and it sounded more like a statement than an actual question. I shook my head as I turned around to face him. "That's not true Jace. I trust you with all my heart…" "Than what's the problem? Do you think I will stop loving you? That I would let you fall like that? There is no secret strong enough to make me do that Clary, so please just let me in!" he pleaded, and I laughed humorless. "Trust me Jace, there <em>are <em>secrets that would make you do that." "Try me." he dared me, and I was hit by his challenge as if it was a wrecking ball. It was the last push, and it pulled me over the edge, and all of a sudden, I couldn't stop myself anymore. An invisible force was forcing me to form the words that had been buried inside me for such a long time, as if my body literally couldn't keep the secret inside anymore. "I've killed my father."

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><p><strong>TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK PLEASE! lovies N.<strong>


	42. The truth hurts

**Ok, I know, you all probably hate me because I didn't update, or you even forgot about this story, and I am sooooooo sorry :( I had a massive writersblock, and I had no idea how I could show how I had imagined the past of Clary... **

**Jadeeeeeeeeee, , Cheyashton, , TheDivergentMortalInstrument: I am sorry I did not update soon, but thank you so much for reviewing! I hope that this chapter doesn't dissapoint you :)**

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><p>"<em>That's<em>_ not true Jace. I trust you with all my heart…" "Than what's the problem? Do you think I will stop loving you? That I would let you fall like that? There is no secret strong enough to make me do that Clary, so please just let me in!" he pleaded, and I laughed humorless. "Trust me Jace, there are secrets that would make you do that." "Try me." he dared me, and I was hit by his challenge as if it was a wrecking ball. It was the last push, and it pulled me over the edge, and all of a sudden, I couldn't stop myself anymore. An invisible force made me form the words that had been buried inside me for such a long time, as if my body literally couldn't keep the secret inside anymore. "I've killed my father."_

Jace's face was petrified, his body frozen as he stared to me like I had just told him I was an alien from a foreign planet. And as I watched him, I was pretty sure that he would have been less shocked by that news than he was right now. And right as the words had escaped from my mouth, I had regretted it, because my heart broke as I saw how he looked at me. "I… I'm sorry…" I stammered, trying to stop my voice from faltering. My hands were shaking, and I tried to stop them as I tried to apologize for everything. "I am so so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't … This isn't yours to carry… Just, just forget what I've said, I was just… I shouldn't have…" I inhaled deeply, trying to stop myself from rambling. "I am so sorry." And right then, I realized that I wasn't just apologizing for this. I was apologizing for everything. For hurting him in all sorts of ways. For making his life a lot more difficult than he deserved. For… for being me. And automatically I cringed a little, because I knew what would happen next. And I wouldn't survive it.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

As I heard those words coming out of her mouth, the world just stopped for a second. I saw those deep green eyes I had started to love so deeply, my eyes wandered over the face I knew better than my own, and my heart skipped a beat as I thought about all those beautiful moments I had enjoyed with her. "I… I'm sorry…" she stammered, breaking the silence that hung around us. "I am so so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't … This isn't yours to carry… Just, just forget what I've said, I was just… I shouldn't have…" she rambled, before inhaling deeply and whispering defeated: "I am so sorry." And as I heard the pain in her voice, as I saw how her hands were shaking and she was trying to hold back her tears, my heart just broke. And I automatically took her hands, holding them firmly as I looked into her eyes. "See, I'm still not running away." She shook her head, tearing her hands away and standing up. "You're insane Jace! No normal human being would even consider staying… You should not want this Jace. You should not want _me_!" I stopped her before she would go on dragging herself down even more. "I think I can decide that for myself Clary. Just tell me what I need to know, so I know what I am facing." I heard how she inhaled, before she nodded slowly. "I won't be mad when you run away."

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

I looked out of the window as I hesitantly started talking. I knew that if I saw his face right now, I would not be able to tell the things I had done. I didn't want to see the look on his face as he knew what I truly was, because I didn't want to remember him like that, disgusted by his girlfriend who had lied to him so many times, disgusted by _me_.

"After the death of my mother, I had a… really rough time. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't… function anymore. And at first, my friends felt sorry, and they visited me and they all told me that they would be there for me, always." I laughed bitter, remembering everything they told me. "I guess they had a different meaning of 'always' because after a few weeks the visits stopped, the phone calls stopped… I guess I wasn't of use anymore now I wasn't there to party and throw away money." "That's why you hate popular people, isn't it?" he brought out in a whisper, and it was more of a statement than an actual question. I nodded slowly.

"I couldn't cope with life anymore, and I pushed away my only friend left. His name was Simon, and I pushed him away because I was terrified he would leave just like everyone else had done. And for months, I felt so… empty. And the only purpose left in my life, was to feel as little as possible. And my father… at first he just worked his ass of, trying to forget it by focusing on his cases as a lawyer. But as time passed by, he lost more and more cases, and in the end, no one wanted to work with him anymore. He had no more clients, and he started drinking more and more. And as he got fired… He became a… a monster.

At first, he still tried to hide it from me... he drank when I was at school, when he thought I was sleeping, when I was working for school... But as time passes, he cared less and less, and as the amount of alcohol increased, rational sense more and more seemed to leave his mind. From time to time, when he was drunk, he thought I was her, my mother, and he started crying and shouting, asking me why I left him. Why I left him alone. And I really pitied him... I felt so, so sorry. And as months passed on, his words became more and more personal, calling me a slut who had abandoned her husband, not worthy to be a mother... And I could still take it; because I knew he didn't really hate me personally... he was just projecting his sorrow on me. And I thought I could handle it... that it would all turn out right. But then one day, he was so far gone he slapped me right in the face, and I broke as I saw what had become of us. He fled away that night, and he stayed away for months, not even bothering to tell me if he was alright or if he was even coming back... I assumed he had been shocked by everything that happened, that he felt guilty and that he did not dare to face me, and I just waited for him to come back when he was ready. Because even after that, I still loved him, because he was my father, and I could not hate him. I did not tell anyone, afraid that they would send me to foster parents, forcing me away from the last connections I had with my mother: her clothes, her art room, her decorations, the rooms where she had spent years of her life...

And then after 2 months and 17 days, he finally returned. One evening, he just knocked on the door, acting like nothing had happened at all. And at first, it seemed like things were getting better… I really believed it, you know. He drank less, he shouted less, and sometimes it even seemed like he cared again. Sometimes. Or maybe I just told that to myself... Because after a few weeks, it became clear that the man who had returned wasn't my father anymore." I stopped for a moment, unable to control my emotions. It felt like I was reliving all these months, every moment of pain and despair. But I had come so far, that there was no point of return. He needed to know everything. "And then he started beating me, blaming me for the death of my mother. Shouting that it hadn't been an accident, that she had killed herself because she couldn't stand living with such a pathetic piece of shit like me." At this point I was inhaling in fits and starts, as the tears were running down my face. I was trembling, and I felt ice-cold, the image of my father burning in my head. I felt how Jace took me in his arms, calming me down as he held me firmly. "Shhhhhhhht, It's gonna be alright. I'm here... You're safe."

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><p><strong>Please tell me what you thought about this chapter, because I am really stressing out about it :p<strong>

**Ok, next chapter, is gonna be about the night that Clary's father died, and I will try to update soon(isch)! :) love you all! xoxo**


	43. Pain

**Exitiiiiiiing! Finally you will learn the thruth about Clary's past. Hope it does not dissapoint you guys!**

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><p><em>And then after 2 months and 17 days, he finally returned. One evening, he just knocked on the door, acting like nothing had happened at all. And at first, it seemed like things were getting better… I really believed it, you know. He drank less, he shouted less, and sometimes it even seemed like he cared again. Sometimes. Or maybe I just told that to myself... Because after a few weeks, it became clear that the man who had returned wasn't my father anymore." I stopped for a moment, unable to control my emotions. It felt like I was reliving all these months, every moment of pain and despair. But I had come so far, that there was no point of return. He needed to know everything. "And then he started beating me, blaming me for the death of my mother. Shouting that it hadn't been an accident, that she had killed herself because she couldn't stand living with such a pathetic piece of shit like me." At this point I was inhaling in fits and starts, as the tears were running down my face. I was trembling, and I felt ice-cold, the image of my father burning in my head. I felt how Jace took me in his arms, calming me down as he held me firmly. "Shhhhhhhht, It's gonna be alright. I'm here... You're safe."<em>

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><p>Shakily I sat down on my bed, Jace right next to me. His hand held mine and we stared out of the window of my hospital room, both caught in our own thoughts. It was probably cold, but we both couldn't feel it as emotions were burning us up inside out. "You need to know." I said, breaking the ice cold silence for a moment, and in the quietness that followed I realized he understood it. He knew that what was coming would be bad, that it would divide life in a <em>before <em>and an_ after_ for us. He needed to know, he had the right to know, but after this moment nothing would be the same. This could bring us together so strong that we could never be separated... or it could tear us apart forever. And we both knew it was time.

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><p>"When I came home from school that day, I made my homework like I always did, waiting for my father to come home. Besides music, homework was the only thing I could focus on lately, the only thing that could make me forget what a mess my life had become. When I heard how my father entered, I listened closely to his footsteps. They sounded unsteady and wonky, and I automatically cringed a little. I felt how fear crept into my body as I went downstairs and silently started making dinner, hoping that I wouldn't do anything to enrage him. But somehow I knew it... I could feel it in the core of my body... This would be a bad night...<p>

He was drinking and smoking as he sat in the living room, shouting at the television where a football game was playing. Between cursing because his team was losing and shouting to me that I needed to hurry up with the food, he was silently talking to himself, and again, I felt fear burning through my veins. This seemed like a new stage in his constantly worsening state. And I did not even want to imagine how this could become even worse.

I tried to calm myself down, but my hands were shaking as I put the lasagna in the oven. Or maybe I should say that I _tried_ to put it in the oven. The next thing I knew, shards were laying all around me, parts of lasagna covering myself, the floor, the cupboards...

In only a few seconds, he stood in the kitchen, and as he saw the havoc, he became livid with rage. He grabbed me by my shoulder and threw me against the nearest wall, my gaze turning hazy as my head banged against one of the cupboards. I tried to crawl away, but I was disorientated and not fast enough, and within seconds he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me up again. I screamed it out as the pain struck me, but he did not flinch a second. And as he pushed me against the fridge, closing his hands around my throat, a thought struck my mind. He was going to kill me, and it felt like he had been waiting for an excuse to do it. I tried to fight him… I really did, but he was so much stronger, taller and… angrier than I was. For minutes I was writhing and gasping for air, begging him to stop, but he did not react at all. He seemed so far gone, that he did not even seem human anymore. I tried to find something to defend me, and in one of my last attempts I felt something hard, metallic brushing my fingers. Panicky I griped it, and as black spots started to blur my vision, I used the last bits of my force to dig the knife as deep as I could in his body.

I fell down on the ground, gasping for air, trying to remain conscious, but my body gave up. The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes, was my father, gasping in pain as he tried to pull the knife out of his chest. And as the pool of blood around him grew, life seeped out of him, and I closed my eyes in the knowledge that I had killed the only family member I had left.

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><p>Jace laid his hand on my leg, trying to calm me down, but I just stiffened. I couldn't stand the idea of him touching me, disgusted by myself as I had relived that night... How could I even dare thinking that I actually could be happy? That everything would turn out right one day? I killed him. And I needed to pay for it. I shove Jace away, creating space between our bodies, and I knew he understood. Somehow he could read me better than I could read myself, because I realized it was not the first time that I saw this look in his eyes. I had seen it before, in unguarded moments when I happened to catch his eyes. 'Don't do it.' he said, shaking his hand in a moment of despair. 'Don't make the same mistake as I did Clary... I can tell you it doesn't help. It does not bring them back. You had no choice. And punishing yourself for trying to survive isn't going to clear yourself from the pain and the inevitable guilt. Trust me, I've been there. It only destroys more." "I am not-" I started to counter, but he cut me of desperate. "Don't you dare denying it to me. I recognized it from the moment I met you. I just didn't know why. But now I know, and I am not gonna watch you tear yourself down." "How can you even talk to me? I am a-" "A what Clary? A human being? So hurt that she can't even see it herself that she is destroying everything, including herself?" I broke down, tears running down my cheeks, my shoulders shaking on the rhythm of my uncontrollably sobbing. "I don't ... I don't want to... destroy everything Jace." "Then let me stop you."<p>

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><p><strong>Pleasepleaseplease let me know what you thinking, even when you hated me and want to kill me because I ruined the story. I just want to know. xoxo N.<strong>


	44. Resolutions

**I know... You all probably wannna kill me for not updating in weeks... But honestly, their were so many things going on that I just couldn't write... Hope this chapter makes up for it... at least a bit.**

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><p><em>PREVIOUS<em>

_Jace laid his hand on my leg, trying to calm me down, but I just stiffened. I couldn't stand the idea of him touching me, disgusted by myself as I had relived that night... How could I even dare thinking that I actually could be happy? That everything would turn out right one day? I killed him. And I needed to pay for it. I shove Jace away, creating space between our bodies, and I knew he understood. Somehow he could read me better than I could read myself, because I realized it was not the first time that I saw this look in his eyes. I had seen it before, in unguarded moments when I happened to catch his eyes. 'Don't do it.' he said, shaking his hand in a moment of despair. 'Don't make the same mistake as I did Clary... I can tell you it doesn't help. It does not bring them back. You had no choice. And punishing yourself for trying to survive isn't going to clear yourself from the pain and the inevitable guilt. Trust me, I've been there. It only destroys more." "I am not-" I started to counter, but he cut me of desperate. "Don't you dare denying it to me. I recognized it from the moment I met you. I just didn't know why. But now I know, and I am not gonna watch you tear yourself down." "How can you even talk to me? I am a-" "A what Clary? A human being? So hurt that she can't even see it herself that she is destroying everything, including herself?" I broke down, tears running down my cheeks, my shoulders shaking on the rhythm of my uncontrollably sobbing. "I don't ... I don't want to... destroy everything Jace." "Then let me stop you."_

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><p>I sat in front of the window of my hospital room, looking at the people who were wandering outside. I wondered what their story was, who they were visiting, what had caused them to end up here on the parking lot of a hospital. I had been in here for 6 days now, the doctors refusing to let me go as they weren't sure I was strong enough to face the outside world. Honestly, I was pretty sure that the generous donations of the Lightwoods contributed to my special treatment here. But this time, I did not argue, because I also knew that the doctors were right. I wasn't ready. I had spent the last days talking more than I had in the entire last year. I talked for hours with Maryse and Robert, trying to figure out a way to make things turn out right. I talked for hours with Izzy, who cheered me up with numerous stories, as the one about how she had returned to Morgensterns and kicked Sebastians ass for trying to kiss me and steal me away from Jace. I talked for hours with Alec, realizing he was the best listener in the world. I always thought he did not talk to me because he didn't like me, that he was just secretive and irritated by me. But he wasn't, he was just… listening. More attentively than anyone else.<p>

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><p>I heard a knock on the door, and assuming it was Alec who had just texted me that he would pay me a visit, I didn't even bother to open it. I just shouted "Come in!" as I turned around on the windowsill. Alec sat down next to me, his presence familiar as if he was my brother. When Alec was with me, there was always some sort of serenity in the air and our conversations always showed me new sides of him… and of myself. He listened so carefully, that he sometimes noticed things that I hadn't even realized myself, or that I tried to deny to myself. And even though that was very confronting from time to time, it was exactly what I needed.<p>

"You have seen him again, haven't you?" I smiled, giving him a soft, playful nudge. I saw how a light blush appeared on his cheeks, a sparkle in his eyes giving it away even before he answered. "How did you know?" he admitted. "Because you are practically radiating light…" I said with a smile, "and because you have glitter in your hair." I added giggling. Now he was really blushing, muttering something about "Magnus and his goddamn glitter", before quickly averting the subject. "How are things between you and Jace?" he said, and my smile immediately disappeared. Last days, I had countless discussions with Jace, every time about the same topic…

Jace wanted me to talk to a psychiatrist, so I could find a way to have peace with my past. He said it would help me to find inner peace, instead of pain and self-anger. To move on, instead of letting myself be held back. And even though I was mentally dying to find all those things, to finally sleep without nightmares and tears, I couldn't. I didn't dare. Telling it to Jace, was one of the hardest things I had ever done, and I had only succeeded because I had forced myself, for him. Because he deserved it, and he had opened up to me too. But talking about it, with a stranger? When I thought about what I had done, I still got nauseous, disgusted by myself. So we discussed it again and again and again: I refused, he pleaded.

"I don't know Alec… He just doesn't seem to understand why I don't want to do it…" I sighed. "Or maybe he does…" he said, keeping silent for a moment. "You're afraid, aren't you? Ashamed, even if there is no reason at all to be ashamed…" I looked to the ground as I nodded softly. "You wanna know how I know that?" he asked, and I looked up with a sad smile. "Because you're a genius and I am an open book?" I tried to joke in a weak attempt to relieve the tension. "I know it because I saw it before, with Jace. He has struggled with his past for years… Even now he still is, and I just think that he tries to protect you from all that pain…" I thought about that for a moment, and I knew he was probably right… "I hate it that you are always right…" I mumbled, and he laughed as took my hand. "But that still hasn't changed your mind, has it?" he said, and again, he had read me so well. "Nope…"

We sat like that for a while, both caught up in our own thoughts. "When are you going to tell them, Alec?" I brought out all of a sudden, even surprising myself with my outburst. "You can't hide it forever: someone is going to find out…" He sighed loud. "What if they don't understand it Clary? I wouldn't…" He sighed as he was searching for words. "My family is everything to me Clary… But I can't lose Magnus either." He was staring at his hands, already defeated as he even thought about revealing things to his family. "Magnus, look at me…" I said, waiting until he finally looked up to me. "If your parents can accept that I am a murderer –the word stung a little in my throat but I continued- than I am pretty sure they can accept that their amazing son has found someone that makes him happy." He retaliated quickly. "Clary don't say that! You aren't a murderer, it was just self-defense." I rolled my eyes. "In the end, the result is the same Alec... And they still accepted me." I saw in his eyes that he actually considered speaking up, fighting an inner argument that was almost impossible to answer. Family or love? "I'll be here Magnus, whatever you do. I'm here for you.", I whispered as we both looked out the window. And even though he didn't speak at all, I knew he had heard it, as a lonely tear made his way down his cheeks.

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

My head was a mess. Every time I talked with Clary, I couldn't help but bring up the same topic. I saw how her past was still tearing her apart, even though she persisted in saying that things were getting better. But I could see it in her eyes, in those big, emerald eyes that I knew better than my own: she wasn't okay. I didn't know how I could convince her, but I knew I needed to find a way… I wouldn't let her make the same mistake as I did… She had already ended up in the hospital once, and I wouldn't let her hurt herself any more.

I knocked on the door of her room, and involuntarily a smile curled around my lips as she opened the door. "Hey" she said with a careful smile, and I knew why she was being so dubitable. Last fight had been pretty intense, ending with me storming out of the door. And it was clear that she was afraid that I was still angry. "Hey beautiful" I said while I pulled her closer and gave her a long, loving kiss. She looked up with her big, mesmerizing eyes, silently asking what was going on. "Don't you ever dare thinking I could love you any less than infinitely… I know I was angry yesterday, but that's just because I care for you so immeasurably much… I would never stop loving you Clary… I simply can't..." I pulled her even closer, resting my head on top of hers. I hadn't planned to say all of this, but it was nothing less than the truth. I loved her, and nothing could ever stop that. "I'm tired of fighting Jace." She brought out, jaded, and it broke my heart as I realized that it was me who was hurting her so much. I had been so convinced that I was right, that I had been blind for how she felt. If it made her so unhappy, it couldn't be the right solution… I kissed her hair, sighing deep before I answered. "I know Clary… I am so sorry. I shouldn't have forced you like this… We'll do it your way, because it's clear mine is only hurting you." We stood there for a long time, not caring that everyone could see us as we were still standing in the doorway. Whenever she was with me, I felt different. I was at the same time insecure and invincible, vulnerable yet immortal. Whenever she was with me, I could handle everything in the world.

* * *

><p>Clary's POV<p>

As Jace held me close, I just enjoyed the feeling of him supporting me and holding me together. It was the first time since the night I had told him, that we were so close, finally finding each other again. And at that moment, I realized I felt different when I was with him. I was at the same time insecure and invincible, vulnerable yet immortal. Whenever he was with me, I could handle everything in the world. And all of a sudden, I knew what I had to do. I looked up, meeting his golden eyes. "I will go…" I said, first only whispering, but then gaining strength. "I will go and try to talk with that psychiatrist… But I can only do it when you go with me. I can't do this alone Jace." He took a moment to take this in, before he kissed me and slowly nodded. "We'll do this together my Clary… We both have a ton of problems to talk about, but we can work it out."

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><p><strong>Sooooooooo? What did you think? I think I might end here and do a epilogue so you can see how things turn out? I have the feeling that it's the right time to stop the story, but I really really really wanna know what you think about it, so please tell me xxx<strong>


	45. Promises

**I know, I know, it promised to update soon and I didn't... But I just want this chapter to be god, because I think this will be the end of my story. Read it, enjoy it or hate it, and tell me all about it please.**

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><p><em>7 months later<em>

It was the end of June and the bright sun was embedded in a crystal-blue sky. I left the school building, only minutes after finishing my last final, biology. I wasn't sure if I had done it alright, but at this moment I didn't care at all: within a year, I had found a loving family, a strong circle of friends and the love of my life. And sure, there were still a million problems to solve, and there were probably a million more to come, but for the first time in years, I started to think that I might even be strong enough to handle them… And that was mainly thankfully to Jace and Mr. Penhallow.

Don't get me wrong: going to the psychiatrist was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life… But it was worth it, oh so worth it. The first weeks, Jace was the only one who talked. He was already further in the treatment process than I was, as he had already partially accepted his past. Every time the eyes of the psychiatrist met mine, I instinctually cringed as it remembered me of what I needed to do. But as time passed on, I carefully started to loosen up. Mr. Penhallow wasn't so bad… he never actually judged anything Jace said, only encouraging him to go on, supporting him to come clean. And one day, I just spit it out. I started to talk, and I continued for the entire session. And there still had been sessions after that, when I couldn't bring out a word, sure, but it started to improve... At that moment, I started to realize that, as long as I had Jace's hand, firmly holding mine and telling me that he was there no matter what, there was a possibility on a happily ever after. And I would fight for it.

I walked up to Jace, who was leaning to his motorcycle, watching me as I made my way up to him. Jace's finals had ended one day earlier than mine, and he had promised me that he would make that up to me today. "Hey beautiful" he said, as he pulled me closer and gave me a kiss. "How was biology?" I smiled as I curled my arms around his waist. "I think I'll be fine… But honestly, I don't really care at this moment…" He smiled, immediately picking up at my hint. A glisten appeared in his eyes as he pulled me a bit firmer against him. "Oh, really?! Do you happen to have any other plans maybe?" he grinned. I played with the soft golden curls in his neck, and brought my lips near his ear. "I love you, and I finally want to spend some time with you after those stupid exams…" He picked me up and placed me gently on his motorcycle, before handing me a helmet. "I thought you'd never ask."

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><p>Jace had blindfolded me as I had entered the Institute, and I was giggling as he was leading me trough the house. "Where are you taking me Jace?!" I laughed nervous. "Should I be worried?!" He laughed as he gave me a kiss on my head: "Clare, take a deep breath and just relax honey! I am no serial killer, nor planning to kidnap you forever, so just relax." I took a deep breath, and turned around, using my hands to find his face. "I love you" I said, before I slowly kissed him and buried my face in his chest. He gave me a short kiss before turning me around again. "Just wait and you will see my answer…" he said mysteriously.<p>

I heard how Jace opened a door, before I felt his hand on my hip that leaded me a few steps forward. Tinglings whirled around in my body as I felt his touch, after all those months still craving him as much as I did the first time I saw him. I heard how the door closed, and then Jace was standing behind me, his hands holding the knot of the blindfold. "Ready?" he whispered, and I nodded, not able to use my voice. I was so curious, and at the same time stressed and scared. I really wasn't the person for surprises…

I felt how Jace took away the blindfold, and I hesitated a moment before I opened my eyes. In front of me, I saw the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life… except for Jace of course… In the middle of a giant room, stood a black grand piano in all its glory. The piano keys were dazzling white, span-new and were probably never touched before… "Jace…" was all I could bring out, before tears filled my eyes. "This is way too…" he interrupted me with a kiss on my cheek. "This is exactly what you deserve." I shook my head, still dazzled. "You're insane…" I whispered, clutching his hand tightly.

"Go." he whispered, and I knew he understood it. I knew he understood how I felt, at the same time eager and guilty. I couldn't accept this gift as it was simply too much, too perfect, but neither could I refuse it. Because it was enchanting me, pulling me closer, calling me as if it wanted to be touched, as if it wanted to resound through the house. I sat down in front of the shiny grand piano, my fingers carefully touching the piano keys. "It has been years since I had my own piano…" I said, touching some piano keys as to remember how they sounded. "My dad sold it… he said it was too noisy…" I heard how he stood behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders. "How did you know I played it?" I asked, honestly wondering, because I had never told him. "I saw you looking at that old piano in that restaurant where we once went. I saw how you let your fingers run down the keys, slowly, carefully as you passed it. I could see your longing stare at it, and I… I don't know, I just… knew." He gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Come on. It's yours. Play it."

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><p>Jace's POV<p>

Her hands started touching the keys, first a bit hesitant, as if she was afraid to break something, but then faster and faster, more confident, more powerful. I sat down next to her, following every movement she made. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life… Suddenly she seemed a whole new person, well-known yet at the same time one big mystery. Her entire body breathed pure emotion, and she had never looked more like an angel.

She played a song I recognized vaguely. She sometimes hummed it when she thought nobody was listening. "It was my mothers favorite…" she said, answering my silent question. The song was soft, light and hopeful, and for the first time, she didn't look pained as she talked about her mother. As if the music was healing her. As the last notes of the songs resounded through the room, she turned around, the shimmer in her eyes telling me everything she wanted to say. "Thank you so much" she brought out, her head leaning against my shoulder, her hands mindlessly caressing the piano keys.

"But what is yours?" I asked, and she looked up with her bright green eyes, uncomprehendingly. "Your favorite song?" She thought about it for a moment. "For months, I have been listening to this song, constantly repeating it… It felt so… familiar…" She started to play, and I was taken aback by the emotion that spoke through the song. I felt the pain and the loneliness, the doubts and the self-hate, the raw angst she had felt in the last months.

She started to hum the melody, softly singing it along, losing herself in the words:

_When your dreams all fail  
>And the ones we hail<br>Are the worst of all  
>And the blood's run stale<em>

_I wanna hide the truth  
>I wanna shelter you<br>But with the beast inside  
>There's nowhere we can hide<em>

_No matter what we breed  
>We still are made of greed<br>This is my kingdom come  
>This is my kingdom come<em>

_When you feel my heat  
>Look into my eyes<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<em>

_Don't get too close  
>It's dark inside<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<em>

I heard how her voice cracked for a moment, the words meaning so much more than just a song. She took a shaky breath before she continued.

_Don't wanna let you down  
>But I am, hell bound<br>Though this is all for you  
>Don't wanna hide the truth<em>

_No matter what we breed  
>We still are made of greed<br>This is my kingdom come  
>This is my kingdom come<em>

_When you feel my heat  
>Look into my eyes<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<em>

_Don't get too close  
>It's dark inside<br>It's where my demons hide  
>It's where my demons hide<em>

_They say it's what you make  
>I say it's up to fate<br>It's woven in my soul  
>I need to let you go<em>

_Your eyes, they shine so bright  
>I wanna save that light<br>I can't escape this now  
>Unless you show me how<em>

A single tear was running down her cheek as she stopped playing, the song ending abruptly. "I'm sorry" she whispered. "I really thought I had finally left it behind me…" I took her in my arms, caressing her back soothingly. "Hey, it's ok… It takes time… I'll be here, every time." She nodded against my chest, and took in a deep breath. "Before I… broke down, there was actually something I wanted to tell you…" she said, a hesitant smile lighting up her face. She hesitated for a moment. "This song… I loved it, I was addicted to it, and I listened to it every night… But since I met you… things have changed. And now, I've found a new song… One I really want to live by… One I hope I can fulfill for the rest of my life…

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><p>Clary's POV<p>

His eyes begged me to hear the song, but I knew he didn't want to push me by asking… "You wanna hear it?" I asked, smiling shyly. He nodded eagerly. "I thought you'd never ask…"

I played the first notes on the piano, closing my eyes as I started to sing.

_Oh, why you look so sad, the tears are in your eyes,  
>Come on and come to me now, and don't be ashamed to cry,<br>Let me see you through, 'cause I've seen the dark side too.  
>When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do,<br>Nothing you confess could make me love you less,_

_I'll stand by you,_  
><em>I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,<em>  
><em>I'll stand by you<em>

_So if you're mad, get mad, don't hold it all inside,_  
><em>Come on and talk to me now.<em>  
><em>Hey there, what you got to hide?<em>  
><em>I get angry too, well, I'm alive like you.<em>  
><em>When you're standing at the cross roads,<em>  
><em>And don't know which path to choose,<em>  
><em>Let me come along, 'cause even if you're wrong<em>

_I'll stand by you,_  
><em>I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,<em>  
><em>I'll stand by you.<em>  
><em>Baby, even to your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you,<em>  
><em>I'll stand by you.<em>  
><em>And when, when the night falls on you baby,<em>  
><em>You're feeling all alone, you're wandering on your own,<em>  
><em>I'll stand by you.<em>

_I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,_  
><em>I'll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,<em>  
><em>And I'll never desert you,<em>  
><em>I'll stand by you,<em>

_I'll stand by you._  
><em>I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,<em>  
><em>I'll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,<em>  
><em>And I'll never desert you<em>  
><em>I'll stand by you<em>

I looked up into his eyes, and as green met gold, I knew he knew. This wasn't just a song… It was a promise.

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><p><strong>The end? Or do you wanna hear more? xxx N.<strong>


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